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Prologue

Turn me loose, tell me I am no longer needed here…This world will thrive without me…

The warmth of a giant beast’s breathy whisper fell over my cold brow, playing in the long strands of my dark golden hair, and spreading through my still frame, banishing the coldness of the stone from my body. His pulse echoed in the silence of my tomb and heart, filling the emptiness deep within the world.

My eyes opened against the darkness, locking upon the light emanating from the spirit of the sun, whom stood before my humble throne with welcome in his glowing gaze.

The pillars of my pavilion yet stood, bathed in the golden radiance, though the stone had worn over the years. The water was as still and black as it had been on my coming. The crumbling pathway at my throne’s feet reached away from us into the darkness, leading over the shadow lake back to where the desolate road led to the world again.

A weary sigh escaped my lips, as for the first time in centuries I moved, straightening upon my rocky throne. I stared into the Sun Lion’s eyes, memories dancing before me in his brilliant light. A smile broke my stern features for a moment.

“Sunoar…” My voice echoed in the great emptiness beneath the world. How I’ve missed you… My brow furrowed. “The world…is not well.”

The giant lion shook his mane of sunlight. “No,” he rumbled softly.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, exhaling quietly. My fingers curved over the arms of the throne, nails sliding noiselessly on the stone. Within me the sorrow that lay dormant welled strongly, awakening as I had from the slumber of time. I wished to mourn, but not before an old friend – not now, after all this time when we were reunited. I opened my eyes, flashing my gaze beyond Sunoar onto the stone pathway that led out to the wind and sun, and I stood.

The weight of my white cloak fell lightly about my shoulders, and I felt a surge of fondness for my trademark piece of cloth. A belt hung over my long, sweeping earth brown skirt. I rested my hand on the wrapped hilt of my left sword, the draping sleeve of my tan tunic falling to the side of the weapon. Hasumeona… I looked down at the wonder of craftsmanship I had forged so long ago, and at her twin, Shiniare. Wisdom and Freedom, they were my blades. On habit, I checked for the dagger beneath the knot of my draping white sash, behind Hasumeona. I ran my fingers down the curving scabbard. Aentaer. Memory, my knife.

Ah…memory. The duskiness of ageless sleep slowly vanished completely from me, and I felt my own heartbeat thrum strongly within the stone and water. I stepped forward a pace, balanced upon the toes of my white moccasins. My step made no sound, and I felt myself a ghost a moment. Though…truly, that is what I have always been. I smiled and reached out to Sunoar, running my hand through his mane.

He rumbled softly, and gently I kissed his forehead. “I dreamt terrible dreams, old friend,” I whispered.

“So have we all,” he answered quietly, nuzzling my cheek. “It is good to hear once more the beating of the Heart of the World. The others are waiting.”

The others…Memories flashed before my eyes, of a wild valley and the shadow of a mountain, and of many faces and flashing forms. Memories conflicted with dreams. I do not know for certain what is truth.

I floated around Sunoar upon my toes, arching my neck slowly and exhaling through my nostrils. The memory of power flowed through me. I surged forward upon the path as the memory became reality once more, and power welled from me in a fierce white light. My arms stretched to the ground and my hands hardened. Momentum carried me in a burst through the pale brilliance, and I flung my flaxen mane as I leapt forward, transformed. Muscles bunched beneath my golden red coat as I moved effortlessly, long black feathers on my legs fluttering, pale hooves pounding both in the realm of memory and the depths of the world - a human that was not a horse, a horse that was not a human.

Sunoar’s roar echoed deafeningly in the cavern and he leapt after me, the golden red kiger striped mare with the black mask.

Together we raced, the spirit of the sun and the spirit of the world, back to where the sun and the wind yet danced.
Chapter 1

The world dreads and rejoices in my return.

I felt the rocks and grass trembling beneath my hooves, revering my presence, cowering before my might. I felt their awe and fear, and their love that matched my own. The wind danced a merry jig about my mane, swirling around me giddily, truly glad that I again walked and breathed the air. I felt the sun bearing down warmly, embracing me.

They remember me as the Spirit of Fate, Harbinger, those many names of many years ago. Yet they also knew my names of the gentle times. The Wanderer, Three Spirits. Prancing Thunder. Yes, my cherished names of old.

My eyes bore across the lake and dark forest. Sunoar stood glowing quietly beside me, upon the rocky, lush crags of the base of Alark Mountain. The sun cast an early dusk from behind the mighty stone. The maw of the cavern at our backs echoed when the wind breathed by us, whispering of my long awaited return from the darkness. Even the water flowing through the lake gurgled and frothed with greater feeling.

“Is the herd aware of my return?” I asked Sunoar, listening to the mosaic of sound orchestrated by the wind and water. I’ve not seen them, or, they’ve not seen me, in millennia…Would they yet welcome me among them? Ah, but the hearts of the endless are truer than the hearts of the fleeting. They will yet remember me.

“Aye, they know. They have expressed their joy as to your return…and their grief as to the circumstances.”

I nodded my head, stepping forward among the bulrushes and shoal, and lowered my muzzle to drink. The cool, pure water, testament to the people who thrived in these lands, soothed my parched throat.

I flicked an ear back at Sunoar as I heard the rocks shifting beneath his weight, but before I could raise my head, he body-slammed me. Sunoar was a big cat. I flew into the water.

Silence and shadows wrapped themselves about me as I submerged. I broke the surface after a moment of confusion and thrashing, and I heard him whoop loudly. I had a moment to pin my ears and avert my head as he threw himself into the lake beside me.

“You crazy lion,” I spluttered, having difficulty riding the wave of his impact.

He grinned languidly at me. “I’ve been waiting centuries to do that again.”

“Again?” I propelled myself to the shoal and scrambled onto dry ground, shaking myself dry. “I don’t recall you ever being quite that insane.”

“Again as in general mayhem and tom-foolery,” he said, chuckling. He paddled towards me and bounded onto the rocks, a mass of dripping golden fur, then shook vigorously as I had done.

“Thanks a ton,” I growled, though grinning, as he finished spraying me. I shook each of my legs, flinging water from my thick black feathers at him.

He sprung around me, swiping playfully at my sweeping tail. I promptly swatted him with it. We romped alongside the gurgling water, chasing and frolicking among the tall reeds. I leaped gaily over him, landing with a resounding clatter on the rock, and took off, bounding forward on the mountain path.

The cool air filled my lungs as I stretched out, galloping on the winding road towards the budding pines of the forest. The sunlight cast a dark crimson and golden glow against the bark, illuminating the pine-littered forest floor where the beams struck between the trees.

I arched my neck and half reared in mid-step, exulting in the freedom and power of my movement. My hooves pounded against the hardened ground like steel pistons. I turned and dashed with precision and years of grace, soaring over patches of heather as I leapt.

The path circled the lake, and opened into the pines. I raced forward into the shade, Sunoar on my heels, jumping wildly over the exposed roots of the ancient trees. Some were as tall as I, and many formed knotted ropes that lay coiled about the forest floor in the needles. Sunoar and I danced through them at a reckless pace, laughing and playing.

Soon our speed lessened and we moved smoothly among the trees, weaving through roots and trunks. The sun’s last rays faded behind the mountain, casting the duskiest hour upon us. The river flowed nearby us from the mountain lake. To follow it steadily would lead us to the Herd. But was I to see them now, or later? Who had asked for my summoning?

“To where are we going?” I asked Sunoar, as we neither veered towards the river nor strayed away.

“The mountain pass at the peninsula connection has been cut off by humans,” Sunoar rumbled in reply. “We go to Hepheatus, who awaits us Northward. We will have to fly around the mountains.”

The river began to slope away from us southward, and we continued east through the forest.

“Why is she not within her desert mountain?” I asked. Where she is safest.

“The Dragon Stronghold has been under assault for many years, Hepheatus traveled closer in order to communicate clearly between the dragons and the Herd. She resides in the caverns in the hills nearby a human town. Mining caves, I believe, that they deserted long ago.”

“Not terribly similar to her fire mountain,” I muttered. That had to be uncomfortable for the mare of fire. Damp, dark caverns. “And quite dangerous for flames to be in those caverns.”

“She learned that already. Was quite amusing, actually. She did it again on purpose just to see how it worked.”

I shook my head. Aiya. That silly mare. Always questing for knowledge.

We ran in silence while night fell around us, until deep into the night I finally heard the crashing of waves on the shoreline. The pines trees gradually dispersed as the ground became softer and the soil drier, and the only vegetation were scraggly bushes and coarse yellow grass. We could see the dark black expanse of the sea. Soon our feet sank into sand and we came to a halt.

I threw my mane and snorted at the scent of the ocean, prancing to the side. Sunoar glanced at me. “See you on the shore?”

I nodded my head and cantered down to the water, high-stepping in the deep sand. The tide was in, and I soon stepped into the coldness of the sea. I paused a moment. I could fly over the water, or… The dark waters bade me remember their cool embrace. I flung my mane again and trotted back onto shore a ways. Sunoar glanced at me quizzically. I arched my neck and reared, and whinnied.

The flash of white light surrounded me, sharply and completely illuminating the sea and sand, and blinding my eyes. When it faded I felt that the familiar itch near my upper spine and forehead had disappeared. I rustled the two eagle-like wings sprouted from behind my shoulder blades, spreading them out experimentally. I touched my lancing silver horn to the sand between my hooves, remembering its lightness and length.

With a nicker, I galloped back towards the water, mane and tail streaming in the ocean wind. I barreled to the water’s edge, and snapped my wings open as my hooves touched the sea. Thrusting myself up into open space, I flapped my wings once, twice, mightily, soaring a moment above the waters. Then I clasped my wings to my sides and dove down, enveloped in the white light once more.

I rushed into the water, but it no longer felt so cold to me. I flexed the expanse of my body, rolling a moment as I relearned the controls. I clicked, and the sound reverberated against the ocean floor. I swept my tail and powered up, breaking the surface in a mighty leap.

Sunoar laughed at me from the shore, then faded.

I laughed with the voice of a striped dolphin before I submerged again. Yes, it was good to be awake.

I opened the map of the sea floor with my sonar, swimming easily in the muddled darkness. Tendrils of seaweed touched my sides as I glided past, and eventually the floor sloped farther down until even my clicks would not penetrate its shadows. I swam a few meters beneath the ocean’s surface, leaping over waves when I had to refill my lungs.

The moon crested the sea very quickly, and began its voyage into the starry sky. I kept an eye on its position to ascertain the remaining time until I should reach the shore of the continent. The expanse of the Alark Mountain range measured the length from the peninsula to the southern shore of the mainland, but that was the land-bound trek. The sea route would be far swifter, and at this time far less perilous. If the humans dare set foot in the Valley… My anger rolled and it seemed the ocean recoiled in answer. Oh yes. The humans would pay for that transgression.

By the time the moon was halfway between sea and sky-zenith, my sonar reverberated faintly off a large mass before me. The mainland, once it had been our home too. But that had been ages ago, before humans had dared to sail the seas. Conquerors they claimed to be. Defeated disgraces they were proven to be.

But they have grown. In my timeless slumber, dreams that were not dreams but shadows of the world above me had shown their greatness in numbers. My people were few. Humans, like a swarm of red ants, if single-minded in their purpose, they could overwhelm us all. Unless, perhaps, the queen is slain. Even then…I knew it had been our folly not to deal the most devastating of blows, all that time ago. Our mercy might become our undoing.

The moon revealed the rocky shore in bright contrasts of silver and black as I drew close to it. The trees crowded among the rocks, throwing their dark shadows onto the pale stones. They were scraggly, stubborn trees, worn by salt, water and wind, but they were hardy.

I slowed my approach to the shore, allowing the waves to push me towards the rocks. I melded into my human form as I was hefted up and forward, and grabbed onto a boulder, pulling myself from the clutches of the white froth. I got up and leapt through the rocks, careful of slippery patches, and stepped down into the shadows beneath the ocean trees.

As I stood wringing my cloak and draping sleeves dry, Sunoar faded back into view beside me. His sudden light made the trees stand out starkly bleached but for their mildly verdant buds, and the shadows fled, leaving the world almost without shape or form.

“We will meet Hepheatus just before morning at your swiftest,” he told me. “I would caution against revealing yourself in any form to the humans there. While not as superstitious as the humans that dwell above the mountain pass, their fear and hatred oft run deep.”

I nodded my head in acceptance to this statement, unsurprised. Not much had changed since I went to slumber, as far as that relationship was concerned.

Sunoar went on. “It may please you to know, however, that in those same mountain pass towns, their superstitious ceremonies have become benign towards the things they once hated.”

I glanced at him. “That is an unusual change. Anything that might have sparked it?”

He smiled slightly. “Their common legend is that a young girl ventured into the forest to find her father and brother, whom had gone to hunt and not returned from days before. She came across one of the Herd, whom unbeknownst to her, her foolish brother had shot, thinking her a dark stag. This mare could not heal the wound, for the arrow festered in her flesh. She would have turned upon and slain the girl, but the girl knelt to her, and whispered to her, and sang a soothing song. The mare allowed her to approach, and the girl quickly yanked the arrow from her side. The mare panicked at the pain, and knocked the girl down in her frenzy. When she realized what had happened, she returned to the girl, only to find she had crushed her frail bones. As the girl lay dying, the mare knelt and touched her horn to her broken chest, and made her whole again. In her shame, she offered a service to the child, to aid her as she had done for her. The girl accepted, asking that her father and brother be returned home. And so the mare led the child to her father and brother, and when they found them, it was a terrible thing for the child to behold. A vengeful spirit of the forest, having seen the fell arrow fly from her brother’s bow, hounded the witless boy and his father, driving them into the deepest part of the forest. He had laid open the boy, who bled fatally even as his father bound his wounds and pled with the wrathful spirit. The mare appeared before them all, with the girl at her side, and bade the spirit to be at peace. As the boy who had nearly slain her looked upon her through dying eyes, he realized his folly, and she forgave him his treacherous deed. She laid her horn upon his grievous wounds, and he healed. And she led the girl, her brother and their father back through the forest to their home.”

“And if it pleases you to know, that same mare is none other than our Flame.”

A delighted smiled spread across my lips. “I knew she would make me proud,” I answered. “I shall be glad to see her again when we return to the Herd.” And it also pleased me to know my people, at least in the hearts of some humans, were not hated.

“Onward then.” I arched my neck and blew through my nostrils, and the white light transformed me into the golden red mare with black marks, and the wings and horns of a mythical. I bounded forward through the trees, gaining a swiftness that no mortal could match while Sunoar loped beside me.

The hardy salt trees gave way to a woodland of pale ash and birch trees, where tough patches of grass poked through the piles of decomposed leaves spread upon the ground. The moon began to descend before ever reaching its zenith, casting our shadows in front of us. When the moon touched the horizon behind us, the sun rose to our left, and the woodland dispersed into a wide, golden grassland.

Before us in the open, among the gentle hills, we saw the chimney smoke of the humans. Sunoar abruptly veered eastward, leading me down into the basins of the hills, and we followed our route in the shadows. I smelled the air of the old mines before we saw the entrance.

After a quick glance around, Sunoar and I trotted from the cover of the hills and into the darkness of the cavern. The mingled scent of ore and faint gasses hit me, and I melded into my human form to reduce my ability to smell it. Sunoar padded in front of me, leading me into an increasingly complex tunnel system, and lighting the way with his own glow. We passed a few collapsed areas, and most of the beams and supports had broken over the years. The grooves beneath my feet told of rails that had once been laid, but I presumed Hepheatus had removed them herself.

At a certain point, the tunnels ceased to look like a mine, and began to look more like something “else” had crafted them. The walls became smoother, and darker as though scorched. They shone in a polished veneer of strange colors, black and dark greens, traces of crimson and pale orange, where the minerals in the stone had melted together like in a furnace. The flames of the Mare of Fire were powerful enough to cleave the very land in two. Undoubtedly she had worked her art in this new home of hers.

The passageway we traveled broadened considerably, and rather than cut straight through the ground it curved, thinned and widened at other points, much like a river would. The sheets of color on the walls grew more elaborate and deliberate, and soon tableaus unfolded to either side of us. Even the ceiling took on the colors of sunsets, nights and dawns. The path on which we trod remained a shining black, with delicately fine traces of bright orange running like veins through it. Sunoar’s bright golden glow shone steadily across it all as we walked.

Abruptly, a flickering light appeared from behind the next bend.

“Hey-o Fire Nose!” Sunoar called, breaking into a jog. I sprinted after him, chuckling.

Hepheatus stood, waiting for us, in a large chamber. She was a tall horse, at least taller than any normal horse, and she was wreathed in fire. Or to be precise, she is fire. While Sunoar had weight and mass, Hepheatus had no substantial form. One had been born of a deep magic, and one had been born of wild and deep magic. Wild magic was whimsical and it created without purpose. Coupled with deep magic, it could affect the Universe in so many untold and fantastic ways. Hepheatus was a result of such magic. She was also the only one of her kind.

I smiled warmly at my old friend as she flicked her flaming tail at Sunoar, who was bounding around her like a giant kitten. She looked to me and inclined her head. “Welcome back,” she murmured. Her voice was similar to a flickering flame on a candle.

“Thank you.” I stepped forward and circled my arms about her graceful neck. Her heat dimmed so as not to sear me. While she had no substance, the energy she emanated created a force, a kind of push, from her core and outwards. It gave the semblance of substance.

I pulled away and grabbed at Sunoar’s tufted tail as he barreled past, grinning. He slid to a halt and mock-glared at me, then pounced. We rolled to the floor laughing. Hepheatus allowed herself a rare smile, then nudged Sunoar off me with a mere brush of her muzzle. He reclined on his back luxuriously, still chortling. I got to my feet and took a first real look around the chamber. The circular room contained only one tableau, but it told of many things.

The first part depicted the world as it was when it was new. All was fire and liquid flame, volcanoes gushed, smoke and toxins filled the air, and the world was barren of life – save for one stray burst of wild, deep magic. It had touched the fire of the world. And to the fire it gave a life.

The second told of when the sun came into being and the world birthed first life, on the shores by water. Fire studied this new development, learning, always learning.

The third described a meeting. Fire met the Sun. Sun was strange and impossible to comprehend, but Fire was glad. Fire was not the only one with thoughts.

The fourth showed the world filled with life, and then filled with thought. Fire learned it was destructive. Fire fled to a remote land surrounded on two sides by sea, and one side by a sheer drop. Fire broke a plate of the world beneath the crust, raising the land into a high plateau and forming its volcanic mountain at its center. Fire cleft away the slopes of the plateau, creating an impassible canyon. There it stayed, with only Sun for company.

The fifth explained how one day Fire was found by those with thought. Winged and horned horses, at their lead, a golden red mare with black marks. The golden red mare taught her things. Fire learned it was not only a destroyer. Fire could protect and even nurture life.

The sixth. Fire ventured outside its mountain fortress. It forged a path alongside the canyon walls so that more visitors might come. Fire traveled far and wide, and it learned again. Fire shared its knowledge, and it was glad.

I smiled, my heart lightening as I beheld her telling of the tale. I too was glad I had gone to that plateau where only the winged could endeavor to go. Hepheatus chooses to appear as a horse because it was we who first came to her. The thought warmed me.

“I will show you the state of the world when you are ready,” Hepheatus said to me. “If you need drink, there is a water source in the caverns. Also, if you smell gases, do not be alarmed. I sealed off the contaminated tunnels, though the scent lingers.”

“What about food?” Sunoar rumbled. “She does need sustenance as well as water.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I told Hepheatus, winking. “If my stomach starts to growl I’ll just eat Sunoar.”

The Sun Lion feigned a look of dignified hurt. “Well if that is how you feel, I might as well just leave.” He sniffed daintily.

“Please do, I have been trying to be rid of you for years,” Hepheatus said, then glanced sideways at him.

He rumbled in laughter and pounced at her playfully. “Nay, you shall never be rid of me!” he declared.

I chuckled as I watched the fiery mare dance around the Sun Lion, nipping at his ears and tail while he attempted to spring upon her. It made for an interesting light display on the walls as well, casting flickering firelight and rays of brightness all over. Ah, the fire of the world and the fire of the sky. If at first glance it seemed they clashed with one another, one would soon see they loved each other. A smile tugged upwards at the corners of my mouth. I had missed them dearly.

“I am ready now, to witness the state of the world,” I cut in, rather regretfully as they ceased their jovialty.

Hepheatus nodded, melting seamlessly back into her emotionless mask. “Follow me,” she said.
Chapter 2

So too would they learn to fear me…

I watched the still reflection of my own worn face in the water. It is a universal curse that people may judge everyone but the one person that matters most – themselves. I stared into my own eyes, soul-scouring. But the eyes in the water, jade and blue and silver, merely stared back at me. Mine was the only soul I could not read, like one who reads storms in the wind or turmoil in the sea. My eyes alone were closed to me. Unlike the souls of humans or my people, the immortals or even the great spirits that I could see and pass judgment upon, who was there to pass judgment upon me? I alone should have that duty and right, yet…I cannot scour my own soul. I know what darkness therein lies. I cannot deceive myself of the viciousness and wrath I have come to represent. I know that I was made to be feared, forged by my own hands from a tale told much longer ago. That was not all I was made to be. I cannot judge myself harshly enough, nor can I hold myself with any higher regard. A hero to some, a monster to most. They will all learn to fear me.

Hepheatus shifted beside the far side of the pool. The fire distorted the reflections, as though the water could not understand how to mirror the powers shining into it.

Dream Mare, she was known as once. An attribute of the deep magic that brought her to life gave her the power to affect the subconscious of people. She could show them images, scenes, whole stories, and from them she could glean dreams they may never remember nor share. Hers was the inspiration of information and knowledge. There was little in this world she was not aware of…and for that reason she had been my eyes and ears for the past few millennia. For that reason, she had sent for my awakening.

And now we stood at the edge of a still pool, while Hepheatus poured all she had seen and experienced over the years I had slept onto its surface so that I might see. A heaviness wore down upon my shoulders. She had shown me already, in the nightmares of my slumber. A faint contact that had not disturbed my rest badly, but enough to prepare me when I returned to the world. I could still see the images of those dreams. Anger boiled within my soul.

The surface of the pool abruptly became shadowy, not even reflecting the fiery light of Hepheatus that danced off the dark stone walls. It is a strange magic, of the seers’ ability, to borrow the reflections of things, such as water, or polished metal, even glass, anything that serves as a mirror. Magic shall always be among the greatest of mysteries, though always lowly to the power of a spirit. Spirit is the greatest of all things. Soul is equal or greater to magic. Magic is equal or greater to heart. Heart is equal to, or greater than, or lesser than mind. And mind is equal to, or greater, or lesser than body. While soul, magic, heart, mind and body can be equal to each other, spirit alone is unequaled. Only the most ancient or powerful of mages could ever challenge a mighty spirit.

Humans are capable of strength in all aspects of the tiers. I know they are. As much evil as they have wrought there is an equal capacity for goodness. But they wither in their societies. The first tier to crumble is that of mind. There are few humans in their societies capable of thinking for themselves. They follow blindly. Their children accept everything they are told about the world. The sorrow of the human race is not that they are evil at the core – it is that they are weak at the core. Few humans are truly evil. Evil thrives because the brunt of the human race allows it to. Sayings such as “That is the way the world is” or “I am only human” are the finest examples of the human weakness. The world is the way you allow it to be. You are only as weak as you allow yourself to be. Only as human as you choose to be.

My eyes focused on the sudden color in the pool, snatched away from my thoughts. My pulse throbbed painfully. I did not wish to see the horrors my world had endured. But choosing not to see it will not change the fact that it happened. And to judge my enemy, I must see all for myself.

“In the centuries while you slept,” Hepheatus spoke, breaking the silence, “the beginning felt almost promising. There was hope in the hearts of the spirits, the people of the wild, even we immortals.”

The colors in the water condensed and clarified, revealing the reflection of a small village nestled in the arms of a mountain’s foothills. Thatched straw roofs splayed out over the hills under a noon sun. Humans wandered through the village, talking and laughing easily. A figure strode into their midst. He was greeted with pleasure and warmth. He wore robes of aspen leaves and a belt of tiled bark. He was a spirit of the mountains.

“The spirits continued their vigil for two centuries, caring for the humans of their realms and receiving honors in return. There was much trust. But, over the years, we all sensed a shift. We underestimated the arrogance of humans and the short-lividness of their race.”

The scene of the village changed. The leaves changed to the colors of fall, crimsons and oranges and golds. The trees had aged, some had been felled. The village had grown much larger, wooden houses were beginning to replace thatched roofs. The spirit of the mountains came down into the village, but there was little reception for him.

“The spirits were not deterred. They were determined to follow your orders. They persisted in visiting their villages, even when there was no more welcome for them. The humans had begun to think they had no need for the spirits. Some believed the spirits had been abusing them, demanding offerings for services. Distrust grew and spread like wildfire. Outright hatred and contempt flared. The spirits were no longer welcome…and no longer safe.”

The scene showed the spirit of the mountains pleading with the villagers as they advanced upon him. They had lit torches and scythes. The scythes they used to harvest grain before the storms the spirit had warned them of hit. The fires that had kept them warm when the spirit prepared them for an early winter blizzard. They killed him with these.

Rage suffused my soul, and pain welled behind my eyes. I watched on as the setting changed, showing an expanse of forest I knew well.

“The humans multiplied,” Hepheatus said. “They consumed all resources and left the people of the wilds starving. They expanded their territories.”

The forest burned and the charred remains were razed to the ground. A town of stone was built in its stead. Disease and corruption thrived in its midst. They bred and slaughtered cattle thoughtlessly. They did not hunt or strive for their existence. They grew fat and lazy, and most of all cruel.

“Territories stretched from all corners. They warred with one another over scraps. They conquered each other when their greed ran rampid.”

The water reflected the scenes of carnage and despair, flashing spears and pools of blood. Grinning conquerers and suffering losers.

The humans had done this all before. Ages before. They had sailed from a distant land in aearch of more territory. We had fought before.

If they had stayed in their own lands and murdered eachother, we could not have cared. But their treachery spread out to my people. My people were suffering. My world was suffering. Humans took whatever they wanted. They believed their power gave them the right. They do not have the right to power, let alone to use it in such a dispicable way. Raised life to profit from it, to kill it at their leisure. Destroyed many homes to build their own. Consumed all the world provided without repaying the favor, without leaving some, not even scraps, for the other peoples.
Other peoples they considered lowly to themselves. Other peoples that they murdered for sport, or out of maliciousness. They never took only what they needed. They took whatever they wanted, and they never cared about the consequences.

“In your stead, we told the spirits to retreat to their homes and remain hidden. Many have been destroyed, their shrines desecrated.”

The water showed a glade of evergreens and a natural shrine of stonr and roots. I recalled the owl spirit who once lived there.

The scene stirred, revealing the decimation and ruins of the shrine and the entire glade.

The pool shifted quickly from vision to vision. It was much the same story. I knew then that very few spirits remained.

Tears flooded my eyes and dripped into the pool. “Show me the world as a whole,” I ordered softly. “Our lands and those across the sea.”

The water swirled and became an eagle’s eye view of The Valley.It swept Northward over the mountain pass and into the human territory. My stomach knotted and the tears quickened.
The world had once been beautiful. Now it was scarred. Human cities sprawled everywhere. Rivers had been dammed and made into stagnant pools. Whole forests full of life, gone. Herds of the bison, antelope, destroyed. The woodland elk hunted to near extinction. My people had been hunted and tortured. They survived somehow, few of them, in the rare wildlands the humans hadn’t bothered with.

The scene traveled across the sea Eastward. The vision was horrifying. There were no trees. The water was all impure. The had resorted to filtering seawater and dirtied water. Everything was sickly. The humans there were dying of disease, as were my people.

My jaw tightened and my brow darkened. “At least we will not have to sail to wage war on them,” I said coldly. “May they all suffer for this.”

I swept my hand across the water, my rage erasing the reflections. “Tell me of the dragons,” I said to Hepheatus, my voice controlled. I knew I could not bear to see further horrors, not without going mad with hate and destroying everything. The humans would fear me. And I would exult in their terror and pain. If that is what it is to be a monster, it is a price I will easily pay.

“The Dragons have fared better than our other kin,” Hepheatus informed me. “They took shelter in the Northern mountains, where no humans dwell for the cold. However…the humans discovered rich ore veins in the lower reaches. They have been warring on and off with the Dragons for near a century, attempting to force them out and eradicate them.”

Cold fury settled over me, soothing my pain and tears. I nodded slowly. “Then it is to them we shall go, and conclude where to go from there.”

I turned to leave, then paused. “Prepare a summary of all the human conditions. I want to know where I can extract the most pain from them.” I strode out of the cavern into the darkness.

I snarled softly in the lightless tunnels, and the sound echoed through the emptiness. “The humans will fear me like nothing they have feared before,” I swore quietly. No more forgiveness.

No more trust.

No more hope.



The blinding light of Sunoar washed over me as he padded around the bend.

“What is the judgement?” he asked, halting abreast of me and watching me with his liquid gold eyes.

My lips thinned. “War,” I answered coldly. “We go now to the Dragons.” I strode past him.

Sunoar called out to me. “Is there no other way?”

I stopped and turned to him. “This dance has repeated itself. We know the steps of the song. It is time to change the tune.”

“There must be some hope,” Sunoar implored me.

Grief welled within my chest, for a moment overwhelming my rage. “What can we do? Try again? Humans are the same, dear Sunoar. Giving them their last chance was more than they deserved.”

“Not for the humans,” Sunoar said quietly, sadly. “Our people. If it comes to war, they will suffer terribly.”

Again, the pain reared upon me as that knowledge swept over me. Many of my people were already lost. But then my eyes flashed and I drew straight.

“We are strong, if not in numbers, then in spirit. Damned will we be before we lay down in despair!” My voice thundered and echoed down the tunnel. “And if,” I continued, “war we fail, my people I will die for. And all humanity shall perish with me.”

Sunoar’s golden eyes widened and his ears flattened against his skull. He crouched down, leaning away from me, and bowed his head. “I grieve to see the Heart of the World so,” he finally said, his rumbling voice quiet. He raised his head. “But if this is the consequence of humans…I beg of you to stay your hand.”

“I will stay my hand,” I answered, my voice gentled, “unless there comes no other choice.” I walked back to Sunoar and embraced him.

“I sorrow for your sorrow, Spirit of the Sun,” I whispered in his ear. “And I beg your forgiveness if the worst comes to pass.”

The Great Lion pressed his muzzle down against my shoulder, hiding his eyes and weeping golden tears of the sun. “Even if the worst should happen, I will stand by you,” he said softly. “But…there must be another way.”

I pulled back from him to meet his eyes. To give the humans another chance…one last chance…To give our people hope again, to live in this world with the humans as equals…Was it even possible?

“In this world, I will make my stand,” I growled softly. “The humans will be accorded their last chance. But in the end, I will ultimately decide their doom. War is at hand, either in our thoughts or with our lives. Our people will suffer no longer. At least, not silently.” I stroked his cheek with my hand. “We can only hope that the humans are not so weak as they seem to be.”

“What shall you do, then?” Sunoar rumbled, his eyes searching mine.

I let my hand fall to my side, considering the options. “We could reintegrate ourselves into the border villages and work our way inwards, but that is almost exactly what we did before.” In our first clash with the humans, when their numbers were not as great and we defeated them in war, they had been scattered across the far reaches of our land. When they flocked in small clusters inward of our land, rather than kill them or force them out I set a watch upon them all.

“And it failed,” I concluded, my brow twitching. “Though, if we did merge again with their culture, rather than simply stopping there, in the small villages, we should rise up through the pyramid, until the lord of the humans themself knows us as well as the humblest villager. Perhaps a different approach. That may take too long a time.”

“If it ensures peace the time should be of no consequence,” Sunoar commented, sitting and curling his sun-dipped tail around his forelegs.

I smiled shortly. “Humans are notorious for many things, my friend. Advancement in exponential amounts in just a handful of years. Today they may wield crossbows, but tomorrow some eager young inventor may discover gunpowder. The only consolation to that is the inventor of it is likely to be killed by it upon discovery.”

The great lion tilted his head to the side. “What are you getting at?”

“That the humans, with their advancements, will become lazier, and more cruel. It will become harder over time to sway them. When you give a human power, he is going to want only more power. When you see their machines that billow black smoke, of how it soils the air you breathe, you will want to force them humans to end it. But the humans will not, because it is their power.” I rubbed my forehead. “’Twould be easier to ask Hepheatus of it, she speaks in straight lines rather than circles. Just ask her about humans and vehicles, weapons of war, energy. She’ll be able to recite everything she knows from what I told her.”

“Or you can save it for an early evening story,” Sunoar said impishly.

I laughed. “Ghost stories around the campfire. Ah, if only humans were merely ghosts in stories.” I quirked a sardonic smile and began walking again, with Sunoar pacing elegantly beside me.

“Me thinks something needs to be done to grab the attention of the humans,” I mused. “The humans need to be tested. I am not altogether willing to grant them another chance.”
Sunoar nodded silently beside me.

“Perhaps one human should decide the fate of all. One who has power.” I paused. “The lord of humans?”

“The King of our invaders, you mean,” Sunoar replied. “Lord of the Sennoan Empire. Luckily for us, however, his empire stretches over almost all over our land, save for a few small kingdoms on the shores.”

“Then he has the most power in the world of humans,” I stated bluntly. “It is to him their fate shall fall.” One man, of course, could not speak for the hearts of every human. But the one human who had the power to do so, could make the biggest changes of all. To sway the leader, sometimes you must sway the people. But a strong leader can sway the people. If the lord of the humans was strong, we would be placing our last hope in his hands.

“Aiya,” I muttered. “Why can’t I just go foom?”

“Because we don’t want you to go foom,” Sunoar answered cheerfully.

I chuckled, and punched him lightly on the shoulder. “Killjoy.”

Not that what you want will matter, in the end.
Chapter 3

To trust a human with the fate of the world would be unwise, however, it is not to the lord of humans that it shall fall.

I trotted down the gravelly road, immersed in thought. Thick, verdant grass and weeds grew to either side of the path, flourishing from the generous rainfall, growing daylight hours and the shade of the oaks, maples and birch trees. The rocks forming the road were uncomfortable to step on, so I kept one eye on the ground beneath my hooves.

Hepheatus had suggested that flying would be the most efficient way to travel to the capital of the human nation, which is quite true. However, most humans do not spend their lives looking up at the sky. If I wanted to make my presence known, and I did, flying was not the answer. I travelled boldly along a main thoroughfare, my horn glinting in the rays of sunlight and my wings snug at my sides. If a human did see me, they would not be brave enough to attack, nor would they think of attacking. I was a walking legend. They would respond with awe, or with fear.

Some might say it was foolish, my brazen appearance in the land. Hepheatus would agree. Either way this event unfolds, our presence will no longer go unnoticed. Be it war or peace, my people would be in the light once again. And the best way to get someone’s attention, aside from punching them in the nose, is to smack them mentally. And what could be more of a slap to the cheek to a reasoning, logical, god-mongering human than something that they don’t believe in rubbing its existence into their face?

I was not so sure about strutting up the streets of the city to the palace, however. Then again, yes, I was. The city patrols would more than likely gather, but defensively rather than offensively. Once I approached the palace and breached the palace doors, the palace guards would more than likely react and attack. Once I was within the palace it was less to our advantage for me to show myself so ostentatiously, and I could revert to a different form. The humans, of course, would be thrown off my track completely.

It is rather amusing to be a walking fairy tale, I thought, my muzzle twitching up in an un-horse-like smirk. Now, how to approach the town and then the city...a floating prance, perhaps? I arched my neck elegantly and extended my steps, adding extra spring and height to my action and also increasing my movement speed. It would be more work than a regular traveling trot, but the effect would be greater. When one goes to town, one should so it in style. I would be able to steadily canter to the city once I cleared the town.

My hoofs clattered against the splintered stones and the sound echoed through the trees, though not matching the forest insects in volume. In summer, they would be overwhelmingly noisy. However, summer was still nearly three new moons away. And the heat…My ears flattened slightly. This area was not the place to be for the hottest days of summer.

Unfortunately, there was no knowing where I’d be in the next few seasons. I would prefer the shoreline, or further North. Perhaps we would be under siege in the Dragons’ Hold of the mountains throughout the spring and summer. Perhaps it was best not to think that way. We would be on holiday in the Dragons’ Hold. There, that was more like it.

The noise of conversation and bustle reached my sharp ears, forewarning me of the proximity of the village. I flagged my tail proudly and pranced onwards, ears pricked for the telltale gasps and shrieks of dismay when the humans would notice me passing by. Shall I say good day to passersby? Perhaps not, that might be overdoing it.

The first human dwelling appeared through a gap in the trees, nestled off the road in the woods. A faint smoke curled from the stone chimney, and I could smell the chicken broth they must have been preparing even from my distance. Though it was a rugged farm house, with dark wood walls and a thatched roof, it was more refined that the houses humans once constructed thousands of years ago. They had been made of mud and straw, and rather than doors, hanging thatched mats or even skins. It would be good if humans had advanced just as little in their other endeavors. All the easier to win war, should it come to that.

I caught the sound of something small scampering through the litter on the wood floor, and a barely withheld shriek. I turned my head to look at it, almost straight on, to see a little girl in a very muddy smock staring wide-eyed at me.

I stared back at her, even as I floated onwards along the road. The expression on her face did not change, even after her mother saw me through the cabin’s kitchen window and screamed for her daughter to come away.

I switched my gaze to settle on the woman, who froze, leaning partway out of the window in the direction of her little daughter. I couldn’t resist.

“Good day,” I said pleasantly, my hoofbeats echoing in the stunned silence that followed.
Somebody help please.
Prancing Thunder
Somebody help please.



your writing skills are impeccable!! absolutely stunning!! How many chapters are going to be made? and what is you need help on ?
ihatehumansX
Prancing Thunder
Somebody help please.



your writing skills are impeccable!! absolutely stunning!! How many chapters are going to be made? and what is you need help on ?


Thank you ^^ I've no idea how many chapters yet, I've but a vague outline for the book. I wanted help to make sure that this style and character view point would draw readers in, and wouldn't put people off. In other words, I need approval that this first bit is good and grand before I can continue writing the book with any confidence x.x
Prancing Thunder
ihatehumansX
Prancing Thunder
Somebody help please.



your writing skills are impeccable!! absolutely stunning!! How many chapters are going to be made? and what is you need help on ?


Thank you ^^ I've no idea how many chapters yet, I've but a vague outline for the book. I wanted help to make sure that this style and character view point would draw readers in, and wouldn't put people off. In other words, I need approval that this first bit is good and grand before I can continue writing the book with any confidence x.x



Well I don't know much about Writing books, I just right small stories but that really kept me drawn in, I definately like the Point of view, ^^ I think you should wait for others to comment like try ta get the word out. Heck I dont think I could write that much XD so you seriously have alot of talent. trust me once I tried to write a story with like people talking and such, I got a huge migrane afterwardsXD so I just write stories based off of my dreams and small things that wont hurt mah brain mrgreen
I'd appreciate more feedback please...I know it's long, but hey. x.x

Blessed Autobiographer

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Okay, I did a quick read through of the chapters. To start off, I enjoyed the story. I didn't think I'd be pulled in, but I was. Very well done. I didn't notice many grammar errors, just the odd one or two, but nothing major. Things like forgetting a space after a period, for example.

I did keep notes as I was reading, so I'll post them below. They are not bad critiques, just things that popped in my head.

Prologue:

Very first line, is it from a song or poem? If it is, and it's not an original by you, it has to be credited to the creator.

Example:
There are reasons to live, there are reasons to die. The end's not the end...while you're still alive." -TSO

I liked the name Sunoar. Okay, while it also made me think of sonar, the last part reminded me of "roar" and that was fitting for a lion.

Chapter 1:

Using Prancing Thunder as both the avie name and a name the character is known by does make nerves in my body twitch. Normally, this is an instant sign of an author insert, but I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt since your writing is so far pretty good.

You use a lot of fantasy names and the setting is clearly fantasy, so reading that they are meeting Hepheastus threw me off. I'm sure you already know that's the name of the Greek god of the forge. Because of this, it did take a little longer for me to figure it out that your Hepheastus is a female horse.

Chapter 2:

"Dream Mare, she was known as once." In places like this, it looks like you're going for a more old-timey feel to your writing. That's okay, but it does feel weird to read it as such in the narrative.
Fireweed_honey


Very first line, is it from a song or poem? If it is, and it's not an original by you, it has to be credited to the creator.

Example:
There are reasons to live, there are reasons to die. The end's not the end...while you're still alive." -TSO

Chapter 1:

Using Prancing Thunder as both the avie name and a name the character is known by does make nerves in my body twitch. Normally, this is an instant sign of an author insert, but I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt since your writing is so far pretty good.

You use a lot of fantasy names and the setting is clearly fantasy, so reading that they are meeting Hepheastus threw me off. I'm sure you already know that's the name of the Greek god of the forge. Because of this, it did take a little longer for me to figure it out that your Hepheastus is a female horse.



Thank-you very much!

The first line is supposed to be her actual thought. Anything in italics is meant to be read as something the main character is thinking, word for word, unlike her other thoughts which are conveyed in a less coherent way. If that's not clear I need to figure out a way to fix that...

The second point you made, throughout the entire book she won't actually go by one name, and it has to do with her history and a theme in the story. As for author-insert, I figure the best way to make a character real is to use something real, and I know myself well enough to base a character off of me, good and bad traits both. At least, I hope so. It's also why the story is from her point of view, I didn't think the other characters would have the realism of emotion or motive that she has. If there is a reason that doing that is a bad idea... I've no idea why it would be, because I plan to show her faults more clearly than her goodness. I might need help understanding that one. ^^'

Third point, when I was a kid I started this story, and I did mean to use Hephaestus - however, I spelled it incorrectly, as Hepheatus, and it stuck. So it is extremely similar, but I can't find the will to change it. ^^' Bad me, I know.

Thanks very much, again. ^^

Blessed Autobiographer

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Prancing Thunder
The second point you made, throughout the entire book she won't actually go by one name, and it has to do with her history and a theme in the story. As for author-insert, I figure the best way to make a character real is to use something real, and I know myself well enough to base a character off of me, good and bad traits both. At least, I hope so. It's also why the story is from her point of view, I didn't think the other characters would have the realism of emotion or motive that she has. If there is a reason that doing that is a bad idea... I've no idea why it would be, because I plan to show her faults more clearly than her goodness. I might need help understanding that one. ^^'


To be blunt, I don't see your MC becoming what I dread when I see the MC of a story the same as the author's avie. And that's purely based on the fact that your writing is above that in which this is normally seen by me, and you're open to critique. I've seen author-inserts in published works, as well. Normally, when I encounter them, they are who the author wishes they could be. They are very attractive, bold, brave, smart and the kind of person who everyone either admires, wishes to be like, wants to jump into bed with or (if a member of the same sex) envies for being so much better. As the author's mouth piece, they can give the world's dumbest plans of action, and everyone thinks it's a great idea (despite the reader shaking her head). If the plan succeeds, all credit goes to the insert. If the plan fails, then it wasn't the insert's fault and the insert was still right. What it basically comes down to is that there are no consequences for the insert.

As I said, I doubt this is the case with your character. From what I have read, I am very positive that if your MC does something stupid, someone will smack her upside the head and call her an idiot.
Fireweed_honey


To be blunt, I don't see your MC becoming what I dread when I see the MC of a story the same as the author's avie. And that's purely based on the fact that your writing is above that in which this is normally seen by me, and you're open to critique. I've seen author-inserts in published works, as well. Normally, when I encounter them, they are who the author wishes they could be. They are very attractive, bold, brave, smart and the kind of person who everyone either admires, wishes to be like, wants to jump into bed with or (if a member of the same sex) envies for being so much better. As the author's mouth piece, they can give the world's dumbest plans of action, and everyone thinks it's a great idea (despite the reader shaking her head). If the plan succeeds, all credit goes to the insert. If the plan fails, then it wasn't the insert's fault and the insert was still right. What it basically comes down to is that there are no consequences for the insert.

As I said, I doubt this is the case with your character. From what I have read, I am very positive that if your MC does something stupid, someone will smack her upside the head and call her an idiot.


Rofl, aye, any one of the other three major characters could backhand her, so to speak. I do have to be careful with her, since she is the major influence on the plot itself and the "reigning" entity that her people owe allegiance to (not blindly, but they do trust her to a fault). However, I plan on her making mistakes, and not just little ones. And the ending, I hope, when she completes her final act, will not leave the readers believing she was blameless, but at the same time, in accordance with one of the themes of the story, she did what she could in the best manner she knew how. I need to make her become both the hero and the monster of the story, in other words. .-.

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Okay, you asked for it.
It took me a long time to come up with the words appropriate for critiquing you. To be perfectly honest, I had to restart a couple of times because of work and other stuff. Eh, s**t happens.

The third person point of view? It works. It's drawing in attention and I am perfectly interested in seeing more. It's a story with a lot of thought put into it, and I would probably be willing to spend money on this if it was available.
The thought-line at the beginning is kind of abstract until you read the rest and go, "Oh, that was probably something someone was thinking..." I have pretty much the same stance as Fireweed_honey. Just an idea: you could credit it, make it a quote from some false literature written beyond the future of this story, referencing it to clarify. As an example, pick up any of the "Dune" series. It has quotations from the books of the Bene Gesserits and other peoples which don't actually exist but bring a bit of interesting information to the forefront of the chapter which would otherwise not be examined. That's just an idea, though. I'm sure you could find another way to make it extend into the story. Add some unthought to the line, incorporating it as part of the text. Or something else. Your choice.
Something that I think you're doing fabulously is your descriptive imagery. I also think you have lots of room to grow. I eventually realized that the primary character had changed form into a horse with tiger stripes and feathers around its legs, but it was almost too much to follow the way you have it written in the first chapter. I was drowning in rarely used words, joy, and yet a description was difficult to decipher. I had to read it and compound the image word-by-word. If you want it to be an attractive and easily captured image, tone down the elegance of your vocabulary.
I know, it's hard. I get it, I really do.
It's necessary, though, and for an example, it's the only way certain-author-of-crappy-glittery-vampire-books was ever noticed. I'm sure there are other examples, but that's just the first one to come to mind. Easy, cheap imagery that people can connect with. Basic taste, sound, smell, touch. Your character is beyond something we've seen before. I get that. Just explain it with fewer A-level adjectives. Give the only-on-a-rainy-day-with-no-TV readers an easy to swallow bone. They're practically illiterate, after all.
Another thing I have a problem with is the spoken words. At times they sound royal-dinner-party formal, at times they sound like chatty housewives. It may be a part of what is endearing, but it's making me grind my teeth. There's no flow in between these changes. It's happening too easily and without a change in the characters' demeanor. It's unnatural this way, and I think all you would need to fix it would be a couple sentences added between speech where the conduct changes.
I'm sure there's more to be torn apart, but I'll do it another day. It's 5am. I need to go to sleep. Insomnia hurts the next morning. A lot.
kthnxbai.
x-ChibiSpirit-x
Okay, you asked for it.
It took me a long time to come up with the words appropriate for critiquing you. To be perfectly honest, I had to restart a couple of times because of work and other stuff. Eh, s**t happens.

The third person point of view? It works. It's drawing in attention and I am perfectly interested in seeing more. It's a story with a lot of thought put into it, and I would probably be willing to spend money on this if it was available.
The thought-line at the beginning is kind of abstract until you read the rest and go, "Oh, that was probably something someone was thinking..." I have pretty much the same stance as Fireweed_honey. Just an idea: you could credit it, make it a quote from some false literature written beyond the future of this story, referencing it to clarify. As an example, pick up any of the "Dune" series. It has quotations from the books of the Bene Gesserits and other peoples which don't actually exist but bring a bit of interesting information to the forefront of the chapter which would otherwise not be examined. That's just an idea, though. I'm sure you could find another way to make it extend into the story. Add some unthought to the line, incorporating it as part of the text. Or something else. Your choice.
Something that I think you're doing fabulously is your descriptive imagery. I also think you have lots of room to grow. I eventually realized that the primary character had changed form into a horse with tiger stripes and feathers around its legs, but it was almost too much to follow the way you have it written in the first chapter. I was drowning in rarely used words, joy, and yet a description was difficult to decipher. I had to read it and compound the image word-by-word. If you want it to be an attractive and easily captured image, tone down the elegance of your vocabulary.
I know, it's hard. I get it, I really do.
It's necessary, though, and for an example, it's the only way certain-author-of-crappy-glittery-vampire-books was ever noticed. I'm sure there are other examples, but that's just the first one to come to mind. Easy, cheap imagery that people can connect with. Basic taste, sound, smell, touch. Your character is beyond something we've seen before. I get that. Just explain it with fewer A-level adjectives. Give the only-on-a-rainy-day-with-no-TV readers an easy to swallow bone. They're practically illiterate, after all.
Another thing I have a problem with is the spoken words. At times they sound royal-dinner-party formal, at times they sound like chatty housewives. It may be a part of what is endearing, but it's making me grind my teeth. There's no flow in between these changes. It's happening too easily and without a change in the characters' demeanor. It's unnatural this way, and I think all you would need to fix it would be a couple sentences added between speech where the conduct changes.
I'm sure there's more to be torn apart, but I'll do it another day. It's 5am. I need to go to sleep. Insomnia hurts the next morning. A lot.
kthnxbai.


Rofl, thank-you very much Chibi. ^^ I'll definately take the word use and dialogue in for some refining, and I'll probably rearrange the thought at the beginning, probably to insert it after Sunoar wakes her.

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