The Soviet Titties
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- Posted: Mon, 23 Dec 2013 09:00:26 +0000
I'm keeping this short and sweet. 2013 was a shitty year plagued by shitty games. Okay here we go.
4. The Last of Us
Basically a generic zombie game in which generic try-hard hyperrealistic characters go on some nonsensical journey for a cure (wow, like that story hasn't been done before). The gameplay was sub-par, COD Ghosts had better mechanics and aiming than TLOU. The entire game I felt uncomfortable with the blatant themes of incest and ***** between Ellie and Joel. I can't believe Naughty Dog is getting away with this. Even worse is the pro-misogny message they give out when the male soldiers kill Tess.
3. Pokemon X and Y
Same rehashed s**t they've been doing for years--except they actually removed some features and fans literally shat themselves solely because of the subpar graphics. Graphics were bad; I mean who the hell is impressed by graphics that are made entirely of low-res textures? And even then it managed to have framerate issues, that's just terrible.
Gamefreak literally poured in all their effort into these "amazing" graphics, and literally ignored everything else about Pokemon X Y. Exploration is non existent. Post-Elite4 content is s**t. Story is worse than Gen 3's story. Legendaries sucks, and pretty much everything about it sucked.
2. Dark Souls
Basically a rhythm game--but with all the fun sucked out of it. Music is out of sync with the rhythm mechanics, and the entire game is plagued with Artificial Difficulty. The only reason to literally try this game is for laughs and if you're a pretentious neckbeard. You'd have more fun at a gay strip club than playing this.
1. Beyond Two Souls
As a game, this is s**t. Extremely linear, movie trying to be a game, and it barely counts as a game. Story is s**t, mechanics are s**t, the OST is redeemable to an extent.
Now let's look at it as a movie:
Still s**t.
Story segments don't connect with each other and serve no purpose other than being random skits. Characters don't go through any development. Exposition is s**t. Overall it still sucks.
And now presenting the Official Game of the Year Game:
Senran Kagura Burst is a 100/10 game. It's the pinnacle of perfection.
Controls are tight and responsive. Visuals are near PC perfection. OST is fantastic. All the characters are memorable and loveable. There is so much content to discover. The immersion in this game is without parallel, I really felt like if I was in the 2D world. The story itself is also very deep, complex, and emotionally charged that it seems that Miyazaki could have written the script for this game.
Japan has outdone themselves with this title. No thing will ever reach this perfection.
Generations have passed, civilizations have both risen and fallen, wars have been fought, governments have been put in place and later removed, technology has improved, men and women have died striving for a better future, geniuses have come and go, revolutionary ideas have constantly been thought of and later improved upon, discoveries have been made, and all of that has lead up to this videogame coming into existence. What an amazing era we live in.
