Dirty Little Secrets [Announcement 11/8/2023| Reminder 2024]

Before I go, I've got to know:

Is that what you mean to say?	29.2%	[ 807 ]
Before I rise to my defense,	5.0%	[ 138 ]
Before I speak in hurt or fear,	5.5%	[ 152 ]
Before I build that wall of words,	4.2%	[ 116 ]
Tell me: did I really hear?	10.1%	[ 279 ]
Words are windows, or they're walls,	9.7%	[ 268 ]
They sentence us, or set us free.	6.1%	[ 169 ]
When I speak and when I hear,	3.0%	[ 82 ]
Let the love light shine through me.	27.3%	[ 754 ]
Total Votes:			[ 2765 ]

[Amanda]

Nimwae

Overwhelming sadness and exhaustion.

[rafe adler]

Amanda

Nimwae

Overwhelming sadness and exhaustion.

[rafe adler]

[******** it, i'll text him tomorrow to ask if he's free later this week.

[lL U C lI lF lE lR]

Here it is again, that hollow emptiness.

[lL U C lI lF lE lR]

Amanda

Nimwae

Overwhelming sadness and exhaustion.

[Amanda]

Relief in knowing it wasn't me that's the problem.
I'm feeling better knowing I made the right call in asking.

----

I'm annoyed with the way some of these people are here.
Especially his grandmother.
I didn't initially have any issues with her, up until she started talking bad about my partner.
Speaks so highly of my partner to everyone, but then when I'm the only one around?
All she does is talk down on him.
Even when I tell her that it's not appropriate for her to do such around me.
She gets all bent out of shape and upset with me for standing up for him.
I'm sorry that your toxicity has finally become something he no longer tolerates.
He stands up to you when you're cruel to him.
He doesn't bend over backwards for you when you're being thankless and rude.
You don't like not having someone to push around anymore.
That's on you.
You don't get to talk poorly about him to me when I know what he's done--what he continues to do.
You're mean without reason.

And this... "He better straighten up and take himself to church to get right" bullshit needs to stop.
Church might work for you, and might make you feel better.
But to him, having that thrown at him constantly, just pushes him further from it.
The same thing happened with me when I was having church thrown in my face.
Just coz you go to church, doesn't mean you're a good person.
It doesn't mean you're better than anyone, the way you like to think it does.
If anything, everyone's seen what it's done to you as a person--given you a 'holier than thou' complex, and wants nothing to do with it.
Or you.
Which, you somehow blame on everyone else.
'No one wants to be around me anymore'--there's a reason for that.
All you do is tell people they're going to hell if they don't get their heads on straight and ask for forgiveness.
You constantly badger people with 'You need to come to my church with me', even after they've expressed they have no desire.
You force religious talk on people all the time.
Not everyone believes the way you do, and it's entirely disrespectful to expect people to.
You go, you do what you feel is right.
Let other people live their lives and have their own beliefs.
It's not that hard.

Man, I hate how unhappy this lady makes me.
Because she has allowed me to be in her home for the past few years.
And I'm grateful for that.
But so much has changed in these few years, and she's almost someone I don't recognize anymore.
I guess it's just one more reason to be ready for August to be here.
I want to be out of this place--this house.
I just want that new start.
To feel at ease and not feel like I'm having to tiptoe around to appease someone else.

I really hope people stop hitting us with the 'if you move' thing, too.
It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when, and we're closing in on our chosen date.
We're going, like it or not.
It's what we want to do.
It's what we need to do.

[Vaporyawn]

I'm so ******** tired all the time.
Again.
I really need to talk to my doctor about this.

[danndelion]

━━˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━

definitely regret not keeping up with checkups all this time.
this would have been caught much sooner.
i still have to wait until the end of the month for an answer, then *maybe* treatment
so these mini thyroid storms are going to keep happening.
best the er could do was give me vistaril for the anxiety.

and ofc i was an idiot and tried to go back to work the day after being in the er.
picking is so labor-intensive, i was having trouble breathing and i was temoring.
just when i felt like i was about to pass out lightning struck a transformer
and we lost power for two and a half hours lol

i was so relieved i immediately started crying. thank god the lights were out.

they let us sit in the break room, so i napped off the rest of the vistaril from the day before.
i felt a little better after. thank god for that or i would not have made it.

i really really didn't want to, but i called out today because i don't know if i can do that to myself again.

gonna call the dr's office tomorrow, see if there's been any cancellations.
i cannot keep on like this.

the er suspects hypothyroidism, but i've got symptoms for both hypo- and hyper-.
the extreme weight loss is super concerning to me. i was at my ideal weight.
i felt confident in my body for once.
now my bones are sticking out and i feel ugly and disgusting.
sweating profusely and feeling clammy constantly.
i'm freezing cold, then burning up.
my hair's falling out. my heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest.
the headaches won't let up. the shaking. the numbness and coldness in my fingers and toes.
not being able to breathe in fully. confusion. dizziness. depression. anxiety.
i'm so hungry but when i go to take a bite i'm absolutely nauseated and can't make myself eat anymore.
not being able to get out of bed because i'm just. so. tired.
and when i do get up, i wind up on the couch.

all those times i mentally repeated that i wanted to die,
i didn't mean like this. i'll do anything to never feel like this again.

━━━━━━━━━━⚝☾⋆⭒˚｡⋆

[nelaoth]

im done.

[Lavoli]

This really ******** hurts .. breaking apart while trying to be supportive ..

I’m done .

[Sin Eating]

It’s time to let it go.
Those years.
I’m done being bitter.
Thank you for what you did for me.
All you did.
I hope your next adventure is a grand one where you get your story book ending.
I will always love and cherish the person I fell in love with.
But I’m heading onward to my own, new, adventure.
This カラス has found his way.

[no scheisse]

lL U C lI lF lE lR

Amanda

Nimwae

Overwhelming sadness and exhaustion.