Lately I've allowed myself to channel all that expressionism into my relationship with Michael. From the mixtape to the new boyfriend book, it's been something that takes a lot of my focus and energy. I wanted to make him feel special but I think I've had enough of that now. It isn't just that tonight I got tired of waiting for his response, but that it donned on me that we are long distance and as much as I want to see him, I won't. I simply won't be able to see him until the set dates and there's nothing to change that. Until then it doesn't make sense to pine after him or devote all this extra energy when I could be doing all these other things for me in the now. I will see him eventually.

It isn't wrong for me to have these romantic projects, but they need to dial back. I need to stop thinking of him through the day and trying to keep updated on a daily basis. I know and I've known that it's okay to put space between the two of us, but it has been easier to focus on this for sure happy part of my life than to improve the rest of my life. WELL NOT ANYMORE ********. Lol. I'm gonna turn this s**t show ship around and make bright spots in my life again. Hell, I'm attractive as ******** and I've slowly been piecing my systems back together. I can pull myself back up better than ever!

After these concerts, or this one at the end of the month, I think my next goal is going to be finding a stretching class or working on the LA stuff. I am going to motivate myself to look at job stuff, somehow. That I can't pressure too hard or I'll crumble. Uh, and I'm trying to make a new buddy with my ex, Jon. We talked and kinda are trying to make up. Gods, it is a theme lately.

I've been practicing my League. I definitely like Miss Fortune. Her Q is super fun. I need to figure out my health care crap. I halfway started that. It's another sensitive subject. ******** money man. I don't know why I get so weird about all that... might have to do with my mother. Bleck.

I went shopping. I'm gonna look hella sharp and cute when I see Fib >D yeah! I'm gonna be bomb a** at the concert and IT IS IN A WEEK .M. well... a little more than that but still. Lol. SOON.