I was already in a depression slump. I thought I was getting out of it when I went to pick up the boyfriend. We almost had a perfect night, then his roommate caused a fuss that he said I wasn't supposed to sleep over anymore. I was completely humiliated, but I played it off cool. It didn't hit me until today. It.... really was almost the perfect night.
It put the fire back into the black of my vial. I am worse than before. My face is ******** up and I not only think about hurting myself but I cant quite focus on anything but television, due to the fact that it is mind numbing. I don't really have an appetite and I want to cry ALL THE TIME. Sigh.
There's nothing to get around this, and I kind of new it was coming. I mean, my birthday is in 2 weeks. This always ******** happens. Always. Aaaaaand, I want to crawl into a hole and stay there till I can smile without tearing up or being craaaazy.
I'm doing all these ******** favors for my Dad tomorrow because he was flipping out. Tuesdays are my toughest days. I am not going to be okay for a long time. I am not going to be okay. I am not going to be okay. I am not going to be okay.
And you know what, I totally take it personally that no one else seems to share my enthusiasm for the plans I have made. I just WANT TO HURT MYSELF SO ******** BAD BECAUSE I WANT TO make myself feel the pain that I wish others would inflict on me in the absence of their communication. It feels like this loneliness will swallow me whole. NFuwresnklfaa
Time to sleep it all away ********. It'll just be back in the morning I HATE YOU ALL! FNwiulahncvkajn
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