I shouldn't be writing in here anymore. If I'm able to get past this art block and make something with my tablet, I'll allow myself an online life once more.
I need to be able to create, to provide some kind of future and accomplishment or self-worth for myself.
I've been writing a bit more of the erotica, but editing it a lot. I sound stupid, but when I'm writing I can imagine it in my head so clearly, then writing doesn't always sound as magical as I feel it in my own head space.
I feel regret and pity for people that used to read my writing or attempt to write with me. I've been overconfident and hurried in my past writing... and so very shallow.
The writing that I've read (and produced) in my youth has been more sex-driven rather than relationship driven. Like a lot of people, I've been hurried when reading porn. I want to control and imagine it my own way after already readying/enjoying the way other people read it. But doing so, turns a collaborative art into a solo experience... I feel such guilt.
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Fragmented Self who wanders through life like a dreamer and wades through the river of dreams as though it were the only truth left in this world
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