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Jawsuh's Journal of Reality, Daily Life.
So Re-starting to make Journal Posts, of How I feel, how I've felt or, the blatent emotions, Thoughts I have that just circle around my head, as well as anything that comes to mind at that time, at that moment.
So This is just a rant, on how I feel mostly, Yet still Much Respect, love to them that do read this, take their time to do so.

To start of with this, What is Friendship? What is being a Friend Like? Why are people afraid of strangers so badly? Is it because of others, thinking that I'm the same as them? Is it because I'm just a person that is completely different, doesn't know how to be social or what to even say, because I type based on my thoughts?

Its not like I'm gonna just read their mind, understand everything they have gone through, why is that even bloody important? Why's this gotta be so emotionally painful for myself at a time like this? Why do I gotta stay, put up with it, I don't know but its not like I got anything better to do really, I mean if I did I would of done so by now.

Maybe I'm just stressed about it all, Maybe I just feel hurt, because I gave what I thought, What I was feeling at the time to someone I wanted to know better, Their answer even though, we been talking here, there was "I don't know you" Just like everyone else out there who'd rather not know someone new, because they choose to hide away from everything.

Maybe I should just give up, on being friends with anyone, Maybe I should just quit while I can, I don't honestly know, But if anything I know that there's too many out there that'd rather beat you up, before letting you go, because they find it in their own interest to do so.

Yet what would that even mean then if they'd rather just make you suffer, just because you've been so much, doesn't mean your the only one out there that has done so, that goes for everyone, I don't care how serious, or how bad it was, what I care about is the person you are now, Not what you rely on, Sure I have plenty of Mental Issues, crap that I deal with, but It doesn't stop me from trying, Sure you may be different, say It stops me from doing "everything" Then what's the point in even saying so.

I really don't know what to make of this, I really don't, people would tell me to get some professional help, but like hell I'm a do that, No one can understand yourself better than you can, that's like manipulative control.

Yet Life's been rather stressful as well with hardly anyone to talk to, makes me wonder, worry if people are alright, yeah I get I should worry about myself, But why would I do that when I think others deserve better than I, even though I say that Its like I'm just a full on negative person that doesn't know anything.

How else I going to get to know people, if they choose to just ignore me, I get this is the internet, but what else you going to do, when the fact its partially a social site. A SOCIAL SITE. Why bother even being on it, if you don't even want to socialize, to hang out with your friends, then again that's socializing. So quit lying, quit hiding the truth.

If anyone understands any of this, then yeah congrats, because I think I'm a end this Entry here, again for anyone that did read all of this, I thank you for reading this entry, because well not many do actually read my entries because of how they are or what they are so, thank you, still I don't know when the next one will be, but Its gonna be a while before I add another one, might be a rant, who knows.





 
 
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