Hello everyone!
Today was a very interesting day.. Sometimes I really do think I have some rotten luck. SO.. I woke up this morning very early with horrible cramps in my stomach at around 4am. So I finally fell back to sleep at 6 and woke up about an hour later.. Got ready for work and made my PB protein shake as I usually do in the morning. My sister and I drove up to pick up one of our best friend's Dogs so we could groom him at our place of employment. We get there and everything is absolutely fantastic! We picked Kujo up and went to work. When we arrived at work.. We had a full book of dogs! wooo! As usual We go about our business shaving down Kujo and start checking in our full day. We had a lot of fantastic puppers.. BIG puppers. So she I and groomed 4 dogs in 3 hours.. YAY! Work went very smoothly.. we decked Kujo out in an awesome bow tie to go home in because well.. WHY NOT?! Then we went to a gas station.. fueled up and got back on the road. Everything went well with the drop off of Kujo.. he is so damn cute when he is all finished up despite his naughty behavior at times.. Still love him all the same. So after all that was said and done, My sister and I decided to go to a Store called P&R discounts which we frequent at often down in our neck of the woods and not so much in the Dickson City/ Scranton PA area but this particular location of the store is much bigger and there is a lot more selection when it comes to any kind of products honestly . I myself tend to avoid going any where in the Scranton PA area and avoid it like the plague due to having some very awful experiences in the past that I just try to not think about any longer.. So it was even amazing that I decided to step foot any where out of the Car in that area. Even though it is a bit outside my comfort zone I decided to just go for it! (I have some severe anxiety and panic disorders due to a lot of things that happened to me in the past in this particular area.. there are many things that will trigger panic when I go into the area.. I went to High school there as well). Not to say every single moment I had there was horrible, but most of the time I spent living there.. was a living hell.. The hellish moments most certainly outshine the good moments which is very sad.. sad I tend not to live in the past very often but some days get me thinking more than others.. BUT OFF TRACK HERE.. So we get to the store and move some things around in the car so we have room to pick up my sister's boyfriend's Son from his mothers house when we were done. As we started to walk up to the door.. I looked up and literally every hair on my body stood on end.. like pins and needles through my entire body.. In front of me stood an Ex boyfriend of mine that I really do NOT care for.. He didn't look to thrilled to see me either.. but I just started running into the store with my hands over my eyes and my heart literally beating out of my chest.. I was in pretty much panic mode at this point.. all I wanted to do was just get out of sight.. and hide. My sister quickly followed me and got me to calm down very quickly (And of course I switched purses the day before so I forgot my extremely important anti panic medication..).. but of all days for me to step out side my comfort zone and be in a good mood enough to go into a store in an area where I normally feel awful.. that had to happen... Ugh.. I am now reminded once again this is why we stay away from this area.. I always feel so paranoid, Like I always have to have a hood up at all times to just stay under the radar of anyone who I may not want to see.. or anything to set off any panic. Will I say that it is silly of me to hide and for my body to react like that.. YES it is absolutely silly.. And I don't know why I panic to that extent.. I mean I do but I don't. IT IS IN THE PAST BRAIN.. all of the mental abuse is in the past.. PLEASE JUST LIVE FOR THE PRESENT AND DON'T CAUSE ME TO PANIC IN SITUATIONS LIKE THESE.. I have been doing so well too.. I have been a lot more happy these days.. and then that really caused a set back or at least what feels like a major set back.. so this evening I am feeling very down.. *sigh*. I feel like I failed.. But tomorrow will be a new day.. I can only live day by day. So.. Enough about my yucky day. I have off of work tomorrow and I hope I can just relax.. and clam the thoughts in my head. I hope to any one who actually reads these weird journals of mine.. That you all have had a great day and A great night. I will try to update tomorrow as well.
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Tori's Journal
This journal is about happenings in my everyday life.
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