I've read so many articles concerning the awful thoughts about being forced to disclose trauma facts for your t, although I hope this isn't totally crazy. I'm coping with the alternative.
I have several 'troubles' that I am conscious of from an emotionally/verbally abusive step-father to an adult that I trusted in HighSchool like a maternal figure that revealed she had other suggestions for that relationship... And what is daily becoming more of the conviction that I've repressed very early punishment (I've always had dangers but am not experiencing his and my speech in my own brain which isn't satisfying change of words)... I have NEVER told details of ANY of this stuff. I've mentioned to 2 people who "something" occurred with this particular person I respected which was the level. I am plagued small video in my mind of the ones I remember by images and today these sounds of what I suppose.
Does this make sense to EVERYONE? I understand I'd be REMARKABLY embaressed to express what exactly that I hope it isn't something sick making me need and I would have to to... But I am so worried we shall spend years since he thinks I'm afraid, tiptoeing around the facts and that I am seriously wanting to spill the beans. I hope I could tell him this, however it isn't allowed.
I'm working with a t and also have discovered that I am unable to tell him ANYTHING if he doesn't ask directly. I have told him this and he is proficient at trying to ask me questions. The problem is, I may also not tell him things to ask. I know it could appear completely mad, however it is like I'm not allowed to just readily tell things but I'm allowed to answer honestly. He's gone forward and backward about 'handling' stress and after that I think I'm so quiet about things going on he doesn't think they're and starts to believe we need to go another way. I get so angry after I hear him speak about not addressing the trauma exclusively and acquire very depressed and wish to stop hope about ever getting relief. I cannot tell him I want to talk, but cannot that although it is like I UNDERSTAND I've to obtain these facts out. I believe he is also concerned I can not manage dealing with the injury immediately as a result of my anxiety attacks, but I really don't understand how to modify some of this. He discusses looking to do it with as little depth and injury as possible and I have read about all these new techniques to take care of PTSD without detailed processing, but I would like it bad.
