I have read so many posts concerning the horrible thoughts about needing to expose injury details for your t, although I am hoping this is simply not totally mad. I'm dealing with almost the alternative.
I've many 'problems' that I am aware of from an emotionally/verbally abusive step father to an adult that I trusted as a maternal figure that confirmed she had different suggestions for your connection in high-school... and then what's daily becoming more of the guarantee that I've repressed very early neglect (I have always had dangers but am not hearing his and my speech within my head and it isnot satisfying exchange of words)... I've NEVER told information on any one of this stuff. I've stated to two individuals I feel held back from talking who "something" happened with this person I respected and that was the level. Pictures, short movie within my mind of the people from the now these comments of what I believe plague me.
Does this make sense to ANYONE? I know I'd be EXTREMELY embaressed to state the things I'd have to and I expect it isnot anything sick making me wish to... But I am worried we will spend years since he thinks I am frightened, tiptoeing round the specifics and I am seriously wanting to spill the beans. I hope I can tell him this, however it is not allowed.
I also have found that I can not tell him ANYTHING if he does not ask directly and am dealing with a t. I've told him this and he's good at trying to ask me questions. The thing is, I may also not tell him what to ask. I know it might sound absolutely crazy, however it is like I'm prohibited to simply readily tell things-but I'm allowed to answer. He has gone backandforth about 'control' trauma then I believe I'm so silent about things going on that he doesn't believe they starts to consider we have to go another way and are. I get angry once I hear him acquire quite frustrated and talk about not addressing the trauma particularly and want to give up hope about ever getting relief. I can not tell him that although it is like I AM AWARE I've to have these details out. I believe he is also concerned I can't manage coping with the stress directly because of my panic attacks, but I donot learn how to modify any of this. He talks about trauma that you can and looking to do it with as small detail and I have learn about all these new solutions to deal with PTSD without detailed processing, but I would like it bad.
