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just watch me.
Lucy where are you? we're not playing hide and go seek
remember i told you to never try crossing the street
lucy please tell me
the sirens aren't starting to sound
and that mark on the pavement
isn't your blood on the ground


are you alright? do my twisted dreams tell the truth?

....

I LOVE THAT SONG SO MUCH.

one of my artists wrote it a couple weeks ago, and it's fantastic. ^^






today is getting close to the middle of my cycle. on a totally random note. i'm craving junk food again, and i'm broke out to kingdom come. popped a zit on my nose today in the recording studio; it was bleeding so profusely i had to grab some TP to mop it up. quite embarrassing, but there was so much else going on I don't think anyone took too much notice.

it is a hoot to get a few close friends recording with each other in the same room. xD






but now. the real reason I have to talk to you.


I don't know what I'm good at. Everyone is better at my job than I am.

the new girl I trained in at the radio station in IA is hosting her own program tonight.

I never hosted my own thing.

hell, she's probably got all the admin stuff down to a tee as well.

which means I'm out of a job when I go back.



...

I'm not good at anything, CB. I know we've discussed this before, but really, it just keeps coming up. I'm not good at anything, and I don't know what i want to do with my life. Both are necessary in order to have a successful LinkedIn page. SO I'M REALLY STRESSING OUT BECAUSE MY LIFE SUCKS AND I'M JUST... YEAH.



what i enjoy doesn't pay very well, to boot.

i've always thought it'd be fun to be an administrative assistant. I like the random organizing like that, and being in a seemly low rank but knowing EVERYTHING and actually having a considerable amount of push and power in the company.


What I think I'm good at:

Making stuff with my hands (painting/art, crochet... fine arts.)
Typing/working with administrative-type stuff. (and being a boss at using Office programs)
Cooking on occasion


.... and mostly the cooking because my two favorite guys in the program complimented me on the crockpot pizza I made last night.

Story: yesterday was weird, yet wonderful. Woke up at 5 for an early recording session before class, we (as in me, my artist, and her engineer) were slated to start at 6. Come 6:30, and still no engineer. After many frantic calls to said engineer, i resorted to calling his roommates. The cute & shy one answered. Cue the profuse apologies, and request to get the idiot out of bed. A few hours later, engineer, artist, and I get coffee, and I buy cute guy I woke up (who isn't present) coffee. cue more apologies once he arrives for class.

(he said later he really liked the drink I got him, too; a caramel macchiato. the lady ahead of us in line pronounced it "mah-chee-ah-toe and I just about died. then had my own embarrassment when I couldn't tell their stupid sizes apart. Seriously, just stick with small, medium, and large. none of this tall and grande nonsense. It just makes the coffee snobs feel more special.)

class was interesting, and informative. actually got a lot done, and was let out of track class "early"; meaning, we were technically done listening to N at 11:30, but I ended up working until 2:30 on stuff.

At 2:30 I proceeded to throw all necessary ingredients into the crockpot for the pizza, in preparation for that night, at the main building. Got done with that around 3:30 (plus cleanup; had to brown a lot of hamburger and the stovetop thing in the building wasn't working too hot at first haha), half an hour into my artist's second recording session of the day. (slated to go from 3-7)

knocked out a bunch of parts for her second song, and was feeling super productive until....

the food was done.

and our last player wasn't showing up. Who was required for both songs.

So.

Made sure the roommates had first dibs on the food, then opened it up for general consumption. after the roommates was my artist and her engineer, then after that I found a fellow MN guy who was rooming with said missing person. Missing person was indeed still missing, but invited guy to partake in the pizza. After that, said cute guy from that morning was still around (WOW he actually talks once he opens up! it's awesome!) and he ended up finishing it off. after pleasant banter with said guy, mn-an, and my artist for a while, I packed up and headed back to the apts.



which leads into un-exciting today. kind of.

woke up early to finish what I started yesterday, and ended up getting another writing assignment (YAY NEWS RELEASES!) to do (... with a partner... boo.) in class today.

so that needs to be finished.

then had a quick production meeting, read my book for a while, and off to second artist's recording session this afternoon. quite fun, actually. ^^ we reached a good stopping point around 6:30, and other artist, his engineer, the pianist, and I went out to Chipotle for supper.

as of now, my innards are on fire. I always forget how much my body hates burritos....

that, along with a family-sized serving of peas for lunch, makes for interesting bowel movements. xDD




tomorrow's the show! again. wow weeks are going by fast now.........


so.

being a stagehand.

this should be interesting haha.

I SHOULD BE NERVOUS. BECAUSE I'M GONNA TRIP AND BREAK SOMETHING AND/OR MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF, I'M SURE OF IT.

but it should... meh. I'm just terrified for when I have to run my own show. :/

and I secretly wanna be tour manager. because I'm not good at anything else besides running the show, honestly. I can't take pictures, do graphic design, do anything involving production, and my PR/advancing skills are less than awesome.










also, I just really want her life. She had the internship I wanted this past summer, she's great with people and they love her as much as she loves them, and she's better at my job than I was. I'm really happy for her, but also upset, because it makes me question myself. My path, my identity, my supposed talents....... I love her to death and I like that we're friends, but I just want her life.

I can see my life possibly going down a different path after this semester. It's kind of frustrating, though. My future does not match up with my now. and the near future.


it normally doesn't bother me, but the past few days things have been getting under my skin, and I'm upset because people around me are upset. Everyone's getting to the point where they're frustrated with their work (or lack therof), and starting to get on each other's nerves. For me, I'm just in an undefined funk. This feels like an out-of-body experience; I'm just an observer, looking at the world through this random chick's flesh. Plus one of my roommates is sick, another is homesick, and one of my artists has been having problems he refuses to disclose to me.

The only person I am getting pissed off at is the engineer who didn't wake up yesterday. Not only did we not start until 45 minutes after we said we would, but he was being extremely unprofessional and acting childish, didn't know what he was doing (and refused to take responsibility for it), and was just overall irritating. I was sassing him in that subtle way that onlookers would take as warning signs, but I only do that to the idiots who I know won't get what I'm really trying to say so I was good.

and in the presence of cute guy, nonetheless.



side note: i really should stop talking about him as such. because i really need to focus on being friends with these people, not oogling over them. That's not to say that I don't like being a loner, but these are people I'll probably be in contact with the rest of my life, so it should be a pleasant experience haha.


I JUST WANT TO GO TO BED. OR DO SOMETHING SOCIAL. LIKE PLAY POKER WITH CUTE GUY AND FRIENDS UNTIL 2 AM LIKE WE DID LAST WEEK.

other exciting stuff we've been up to:

found a new church in a factory. going there again.
out to eat at authentic mexican and chinese places
concert in downtown franklin
ummm... probably a lot of other stuff, too...

yeah.




went for exactly a month without people knowing I was a natural blonde. it came up when we were at the chinese place, and i couldn't resist. lying is too much work. when we first went to the lake, i was complaining like I was a real redhead.



... welp, nothing else really going on.......

I just really want a mocha from McDonald's. Like really, really badly.



life is weird. let's just go with it for now and see what happens.







I HAD A LIFE BEFORE YOU CAME AROUND,
ONE I DESIRE, AND HOLD WITH RENOWN
I AM A WOMAN, SO I'LL PLAY MY ROLE FOR A WHILE...
LUCY WHY IS IT
I WASN'T SO SAD
TO PART...
FROM YOUR SMILE?





 
 
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