Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I'm angry.
My friends make me angry.
My family makes me angry.
I want to strangle them.
No I don't.
Yes I do.
I'd be alone then.
It would be all my fault.
No one to blame but me.
All me my own hands.
Reaping what I have sewn.
I need to stop rocking.
I need to stop sucking my thumb.
I really need to stop biting my nails.
I need to stop being so angry.
I know nothing is going to change.
Unfortunately my need to stop these things aren't as strong as my urges.
These unholy urges.
This is just one of those days where music isn't helping.
The kind of day where it's just too loud.
It's too much.
Inside.
I can't take it.
I need to relax.
******** breathe.
******** breathe.
******** breathe.
******** breathe.
Pray to false gods for some sort of redemption.
I need to be saved from myself.
I need a lot of things.
I...
can't
stop
these
urges
I want to go outside and hope for sickness.
Pray for a plague.
Drown in filth.
Bacterial infection.
Corroded arteries and bloodshot eyes.
Complete rejection.
Falling down.
Burning.
Breathing.
Living in a false reality.
I'm waking up.
I don't like it and every day that goes by I want to leave it more and more.
And yet I still hope for change.
I linger and reject these urges for as long as possible.
I just don't think it's going to be much longer.
It gets harder and harder each time.
Well...
I'm done now..
I feel okay again..
I'm just going to sit here and try not to think I guess.