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The Spreading Exitement All Over the World with Emi Noerrac Journal!! YaY!
read if you dare...
I was going to send this as an email but I got distracted...
This article in comparison to my relationship: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1380371/Distance-makes-heart-grow-fonder-After-FOUR-years-married-couple-live-3-000-miles-apart.html

Yes, I acknowledge the fact that there are so many incredibly different factors, like how those people are older, and how they can afford to meet each other every once in a while and all. . .

But reading an old article like this makes me feel hopeful.

But at the same time, crushes my spirit. . .

According to calculations, the distance between me and Bien =

Distance from Melbourne to Davao : 3316.8 Miles

That's technically more than those old people! Plus the fact that we're both young, reckless and fickle at heart, and both of low socioeconomic backgrounds. . .

Blah...

I'm sorry I'm always whining to you about these things. . . But it's just that I'm so insecure all the time and all this, my relationship with Bien and everything, is so very important to me.

I just really need the chance to rant about these things once more.

Sorry. . .

What do you reckon my chances are with him in the future?

From a third person's view, do you believe I'm losing touch with reality?

The other day, last Saturday, I talked with him and it was all nice and well for the majority of the call but. . .

We discussed the idea of having an open relationship. . .

And to be precise, he brought it up.

I sort of was intentionally passively accepting of it all, because I honestly don't mind if he finds someone better than me, and because I don't want to lose him.

I don't want him to think badly of me.

I want him to see how compassionate in that I let him do whatever he wants, so that my empathy becomes so overwhelming to the extent that he can't reject me or find someone whose love compare to mine for him.

Does that seem somewhat manipulative?

I'm jealous. Of everyone. And it's clearly obvious in my personality.

But whether he can see that or not, is it right for me to put on such a brave face on such a topic as having an open relationship?

I mean, in the end we established the fact that we're both okay with it.

He says he hasn't found anyone else yet, and that he only has one or two crushes which may just be only that, crushes and nothing more.

But he said he'd be completely honest with me. And I love and respect that about him.

My being accepting of everything brought him to the verge of tears. And I can't help but be complacent about that, which makes me feel paranoid about the whole being or not being the manipulative type.

I'm not being insincere am I?

There have been times in my life where I have acted so well that I even fool myself in believing myself being true.

I highly doubt the moments I have with Bien could ever be considered as barely being an act. My emotions are just so real, and this is the most high time that my heart has felt alive.

I truly am nothing without him.

I've passed the point of no return.

And so let the universe let me be selfish once more; let me hope that his love for me is as limitless as mine is for him and that this lasts.






User Comments: [1] [add]
crayz_peepoles11
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Tue Aug 07, 2012 @ 12:32pm
Dear former self,
always remember that it can and could always be worse;
Long Distance Relationship - 7537 Miles away / AUS and USA


User Comments: [1] [add]
 
 
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