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As the day looms ever closer, I have to wonder what you all think of me. Do you see me as a self-important b***h? Do you think I am selfish and rude? Do you think it wrong of me to think these things? It is not something I can forget. I have nightmares about that day...about the looks on all of your faces.

Please, think of me as a b***h, a nosy-a** b***h whose own self-worth is derived from pleasing others. But please, never think that I do not love each and every one of you. Never think for one moment that I think that I am better than you. Because I do not. In all honesty, I have always felt I was beneath every one of you when it came to worth, importance, intelligence, and all-around world knowledge.

I know I am not pretty or very street-smart, but I have done and seen things that have helped me grow. I pray none of you ever face the things I have faced or feel what it feels like to lose someone dear to you your own age. I pray you never have to feel the inside of a cell. I pray you never have to see the inside of an ambulence with a knife in your side or pot in your lungs or pills in your stomach. I pray each and every one of you finds happiness. You deserve it.

To be honest, I do not know how you are going to act when you see me. I hope you do not hate me, but if you do, that does not change a thing. I am going to try and do better in school and keep on caring for each and every one of you. That is what I always try to do and I hope to keep on doing it until I die.

My purpose, my sole reason why I have not killed myself these past few years is because of the love I give to all of you. You all are quite literally the reason why I am alive, why I am not face down in a gutter some place, raped or god knows what else I could have gotten into.

You all mean something special to me and I pray, even if you hate me now or do not understand why I bothered to write it out, that I meant something special to you, too, once.

I love you guys. You are my family. And I will fight for each one of you with every raggedy-a** breath I can muster from my body. It is not much, but it is everything I have and everything I am.

I promise.