I have had a lot of time to ponder what it is I am going to be doing with my life since the Navy would not have me. Thinking about all the people who have ran out on me who I never thought would, but missing them all the same. People like to spread rumours and talk so much garbage, but I am managing all the same. Not a fan of the harassment I have gotten or the teasing, but it is to be expected from people who have still so much growing up to do.
You may judge me for all the things I have done, all the things you THINK I did, and all the things I failed to do, but I am happy with myself. No, I am not out on the ocean, but perhaps now I can pursue my dream of baking. No, I was not the best person, but believe me when I tell you I have killed myself every day I remember what I could have said and what I should not have done, and I am still hurting. No, I do not have many people I could call my "friend" anymore, but it has brought me closer to the very few who stayed with me and that is all I could ask for.
Wherever the people who I have hurt are, please take care of yourselves. Know I love you and I always will love you, perhaps not in the same way as I once did, but I will always remember our times together as friends/lovers with a kind of sad nostalgia. You shaped who I am today and I am sorry for anything and everything I have done to drive you away from me. I was selfish, childish, and hardly someone to stay close to. I still hope that one day you will try to become close to me once again and see I HAVE changed, but I am also being realistic and trying to grow from all of this.
I have started another account from which I will be starting anew and posting more regularly. Please add me if you feel like you want to keep in touch. The username is GhostNappalie.
I love all of you and I am not exaggerating when I say I miss you all dearly. Take care.
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