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So I've been working hard. I worked out hard yesterday, lots of walking and biking and such, enough to be exhausted by the end of the day. I'm going to keep this up; it's great for my health, and helps me not care about anything else when I need to sleep.

First of all, cardio. I need to work on this badly. My lungs and heart are incredibly out of shape, and cardio is best for losing weight.

Next up, I'll work on toning out my body, and mastering the 12 pound weights I have with all my exercises.

By then, i hope I will have lost enough weight to bike long and hard. I'll start riding my old courses of 5, 10, 20, and 50 miles. Maybe I"ll make it to Mankato someday soon.

If it ever gets around to it... I should have a job by then. Money will be going towards my family first. Electricity, tabs for my car, and insurance.

Then I"ll fix my car completely, so I don't have to rely on theirs to get me places.

Next up will be paying off my fines, so I can have my license back.

I'll splurge a little here, and get something I want.

Then the rest afterwards will go as such; bills come out flat, no changes, I will always pay what I can out of my paycheck. This includes rent, monthly insurance, any charges necessary, and food.

I'll divide up the remainders; 10% goes to a bill fund, a nest egg I plan on keeping in hard cash. 40% will be splurge money. The remaining 50% will go towards anything that may come up, but paying off my car and other small fines comes to mind.

In the midst of all this. I'll go apply for health insurance, and ask my doctor about depression and ADD, and compare myself with the symptoms. If Im' diagnosed, I'll get help. Far too long have I depended on relationships to pull me through. Maybe I'll get my hands on some Adderall before I'm diagnosed... it would help SO much.

Right now Im' just feeling good about myself, despite today. I woke up extremely tired; maybe I've been overworking myself. But I took a small nap (damn you Sandra for letting it go too long), and went out and got things done, mainly applications. I cooked supper tonight, ate way too much, and then pooped out. Had someone to lay on while i fell in and out of conciousness, then got a sudden burst of ambition, and rode and walked a mile to burn off some of that rice I ate earlier.

All in all... my plans are in action, and I don't plan to stop.

Talking to Fay... meh, I still think she is silly for doing this. Worrying about marriage at 21 is a little too much for me. I wouldn't mind it myself, if I had found the right girl.. but that time will come. It's not something you can just find. That's what I believe.

But I talked to her anyways, much too early cause I"m not the kind to wait. I'm not passive... I'm aggressive. Something I want? I get it.

Anyways... I saw exactly what I thought I would see. I still tested the waters; I encroached on what is now uncomfortable territory to see her reactions, gauge her determination. She's confused and hurting, but she is sticking to it. I'm not happy with it, since there is so much confusion and lack of confidence in her decision.

And of course, I'm not happy with it cause it broke my heart. But that's obvious.

Oh well. She seems to be pushing towards her career finally. Good for her. Maybe our paths will meet again.

I will make sure of that.