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Aaaaaand....back to school...again.

I actually feel like I'll be getting somewhere if I make it through this semester for a couple reasons. 1) I'm taking the last Science class I'll ever have to take, this semester. 2) I'm taking the last Math class I'll ever have to take, this semester.

Of course, I'm also continuing my French class that....I have to take for another two semesters after this one. gonk

A surprise late entry into my class schedule is a Creative Writing course I signed up for at the last minute to try and break the monotony of classes that I have no interest in whatsoever but have to take anyway to get my degree. I went to the first session of the class last night, and realized right away I was in the wrong place. The majority of the students in the class apparently take the class for fun and stopped getting credit for it long ago. It's like a little emo nerd clique where the combined weight of their fat asses and egos might just balance out....maybe.

We had to do one of those ridiculous "introduce yourself and tell the class why you're here" moments and just about every student there had some, what they considered, witty remark or just embarrassingly bland answer such as, "I'm here to improve my creative writing." confused The professor sort of reminded me of a cross between Rosie O'Donnell meets the mother from Running With Scissors. What makes it worse is that I'm sure at least some of these people are decent writers, but I'll be seriously surprised if anything worth a damn is written as a result of anything done in that class. Creative Writing stems from, big surprise, creativity. That's not something you can absorb via osmosis by surrounding yourself with supposedly creative people. The only thing you'll end up with in a situation like that is a carbon-copy of your peers' creative writings...which won't be creative at all.

So, I'm really excited about the class. surprised

Toni and I have been talking again recently. I know I don't really write about her much...but I guess it's rarely relationship-related things that I want to vent when I'm in the mood to write. However, this is pretty fresh on my mind. Really I think we just had a bad go at it. Whenever we started picking up some momentum in our relationship we wound up hitting a pot-hole. Most of the time it was probably my fault, I'll admit, but in all fairness I never claimed to be any good at relationships...not that that's an excuse mind you...but I'm getting better. I worry about her a lot though, and she doesn't like that. She told me that I should stop worrying about other people and worry about myself. But why would I want to do that? The truth of the matter is, I don't care what happens to me, because without the people I care about in this world I wouldn't have any desire to live. Maybe that's a bit extreme and overly-romanticized, but it's true. I mean sure I make an effort to make sure I'm not broke and I eat enough and whatnot and I have financial goals, but really when I break it down...those financial goals are only goals that I have because I want to meet the expectations of the people I care about...not because I actually want them. But anywho, for the longest time it's bugged me whenever Toni brought up doing any type of drugs, especially around people that I didn't know (which wasn't hard considering I haven't met hardly any of her friends). I used to think that I was afraid for her, that something might happen or someone might take advantage of her, or even at times that I was jealous that she was "being bad" with someone other than myself. And maybe that is a part of it, but talking with her last night I realized that while that may be a small part of it, the truth is...I just don't believe she's that type of person. I think she wants to be because the last year has really jaded her and killed some of innocence inside her. Maybe now she's trying to live up to this new-found self-image that can't be hurt or letdown or be bothered...but I see her losing her passion and all the things that made her a beautiful person. And it makes me ache inside.