Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
"Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back."
Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
It's 11PM, do you know where your pants are?
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
This is a quantum car. I don't know where I am, but I'm going really fast.
Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.
You know the speed of light;so what is the speed of dark ?
Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!
Your mama is so fat, when she sings, its over.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can't understand.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
How do you get a Kleenex to dance?
Put a little boogy in it!
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
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