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Hey ppls, I'm back! blaugh

Okay, so this is what I wanted to talk to you guys about... "this" meaning online relationships. Here's my adivice to you before I get started with my long story, don't have internet relationships, no matter how lonely or desperate you are.

I hesitated to tell people about my story at first, because it's actually sort of embarrassing. My only friend who knows about what I'm about to tell you is my best friend Kate, and I know her in real life. I told her because I knew she'd never judge me or think any less of me, and if she ever had a weird story to tell me I'd sure as hell not judge her. But now, I want to share this with people because I think it could benefit them. I hope some girl like me comes across my entry and really thinks about what she's doing, and realises it's wrong. Because not only is it wrong, but it's also dangerous.


My personality is really weird, I'm not gonna lie. Some weeks, I can be happier then I've ever been, some some weeks, I feel lonely, and like I just don't want to deal with anyone. I cover all of my lows up with my constant annoyingness. My point is though, is that when I'm low I feel really lonely and needy for people. my friends have to always be next to me, and i have to always be talking to them. Sometimes, I think it gets on their nerves...

So, when some really nice guy comes along on gaia one day, why not be his friend and talk to him obssesively, right? it's the perfect solution, because I'm home, alone, and I have something I need to talk about. And he's right there.

So we talk And I hate to admit that it was fun. He wasn't really talkative, but I didn't need someone who talked nonstop. I just needed someone who could shut up, and listen to me... andI knew he'd never judge me, because I could hide behind my computer screen.

I decided I wanted to know this guy more, so one day I I pm him and asked him to call me. It wasn't that bad... he was probably safe... and I was lonely, so why not?

We talked a long time on the phone that night . He was fun to talk to, and he was charming, and he seemed like he was 15, I thought. His voice was fun to listen too, he sounded strong and like someone I might look up to if we knew each other in real life. We talked about small things, like our friends, our schools, our religions... Then I told him my last name.

It's funny, I'm so obvious when it comes to sneaking things. I talked to him as I was walking near my parents bedroom, they heard me and asked who I was talking to from D.C... I told them it was my friend Taylor. And as I walked away, I knew they knew I wasn't talking to her. And that I was doing something bad.

I talked to my mom about it, and she decided to change my cell phone number. We also had bigger family conversations, with my sister involved, and they were actually pretty gay. My mom decided she would call him and ask him if she could talk to his mom. When she did, he studdered and wouldn't tell my mom where his mom worked, so he was automatically some "sick adult" according to my parents. I was told that I wasn't allowed to talk to him anymore.

But guess what?? I did anyway...

At first, I was mad. I told him I couldn't talk to him anymore because he acted like an idiot, and tried to be mean. He guilted me, and told me I thought he was crap. I told him that he wasn't... then we made a promise that we'd meet someday.

After that, I kept talking to him. Not only did we talk to each other, but it was the kind of sick disturbing talk. It was more then inappropriate, since I wasn't allowed to even talk to him in the first place. It made me look like a whore. I honestly don't disrespect myself that much and know that I will never do that again.

In between I gave him my picture, told him where I lived (not my address), told him my school... and anything else personal. He was able to find me if he wanted too.

He kept promising to send me a picture, but didn't do that for a week. When he did, I realized that he wasn't someone I'd look up to, and my perfect imaginary guy was gone... he was replaced with someone less then me.

I got in trouble because my parents found out my password and read my explicint conversations with him. And things around my house got extreme.

no more gaia, my mom constantly reminded me that I was no longer "trustworthy", my dad said I'd betrayed him. And I realized, all by myself, I was doing something damgerous. this guy (although now I know he's deff 15) could have been a rapest or something. He could have found me and killed me if he wanted too! and my family could have been in danger too, esspecially my sister.

My parents called two gigantic policemen over to our house, who made me feel completely embarassed... but I deserved it, I know that.

The police called the guys house with the phone number that i called him on just two weeks ago. His mom answered, and told them that this guy was 15, did live in D.C., and was not goning to be on the computer for a while. And then I was finally sure that the guy I was talking to had beed 15 all along.

But the thing is, I knew even if he wasn't dangerous I didn't want to keep talking to him. 'Cause I realized that no matter how old they are, or what their ocupation was, people who want online relationships don't want them for the right reason. They are either really sad lonely people who are only able to have social relationships with people through the computer, or theyre dangerous. I was so lucky, because the guy I liked was just lonely. No matter what though, I wouldn't want to have a relationship with either of those two kinds of guys... and I don't think anyone would.

Anyways, I want every girl to know they deserve better then that. Someday, hopefully I will find the guy that I'm looking for. But right now, I think I'll hang out and be single until I do... and I think I'll respect myself enough to never do something like this again.

listen to me and never do what I did. No matter what you think, use good judgement and think things through because if you don't it could result in life changing consequences. Know that you are a great person, and count the people that love you instead of dreading on the people who don't. There is going to be someone great for you someday, someone who can love you for real. Until then, be happy and don't ruin you're life on a stupid mistake. Trust me when I say it's not worth it wink

-Katie heart