Is my sex life my parents bussness?

[Denkou Soshiatae]

I am almost 16. Before I start let me get it out of the way and say I am a virgin, so I am not quite sure if what I have right now is even considered a sex life. More like a love life... anyways.

So my parents are very protective of me when it comes to my sexuality. They know I am bi, first off, so i must say that it infuriates me that they do not want me to have (safe) sexual relations with a guy when they are perfectly fine with me being sexual with my female friends.

The other night my parents tried to have a sex talk with me. I was upset about that fact that I love my boyfriend but might be in love with my best guy friend from back home. I was upset that I know he really likes me but I'm not sure if he loves me. THEY thought I was afraid of cheating on my boyfriend with him when I visit my family and friends next month. So, a sex talk insued.
They told me many things, some of which contradicted themselves and some of which I feel are just plain retarded.
1) If I find myself in a situation with a boy where it might get very sexual, I need to call them. They didn't say it directly, but they infurred it was so they could talk me out of it.
2) No touching, fondeling, feeling, etc. with boys, even my boyfriend.
3) If something happens they want me to "respect them" and tell them.
4) They told me to do what was appropriate for me age.
5) They told me to do what I want as long as it was my choice and noone was forcing me or making me feel like I needed to do anything.

Yeah, like I said, plain retarded...

I am a smart girl. I make smart decissions. I would never, ever do something that i knew i would regret (and I am very good at thinking about those thigns even in a heated moment). I would always be safe, never do something I didn't want to do, and I would never let anyone control me.

I want to go on birthcontrol becuase my periods are extremely painful, but when i asked my mother scowled at me (legit death stare) while my step dad said "Yeah right. Yeah it helps ur periods but it helps you do other things too. No way 'humpy'".

Not only did they make me feel like a child, they made me feel like a slut.

So, do you guys think my parents actually have a right to know the details of my sexual encounters with people? No i don't plan on whoring around, but you have to admit, some experimentation is both normal and needed to dicover who you are and what you like.

Please no trolling, I'm just looking for a large group oppinion.  

[TylerAnnihilate]

At first I was gonna say that I think that your parents are just trying to protect you, if you don't have sex with a boy, you can't accidently get pregnant, women can't get you pregnant. But then I got more and more confused as your story went on.

I think what's going on here is that they're under the misconception that bisexuals are whores (that's not to say that there aren't bisexual whores). I know alot of "bisexuals" who claim that because they're bisexual, they have to have a boyfriend, and they have to have a girlfriend simultaniously. And there are also those people who claim to be "bisexual" for attention. It's complicated.

So, granted they think that you're a bisexual that wants to date everyone, they trying to keep you from being whore-y. But I'm sure this comes out of a place of love, but I never said that they were being smart about it. As far as them having anything to do with your sex life, I honestly don't think it's their business, but you are their daughter, and you do live with them, so it's something they're gonna worry about, however, I don't think they're going about it in the right way.

Did I answer your questions?  

[Denkou Soshiatae]

TylerAnnihilate

At first I was gonna say that I think that your parents are just trying to protect you, if you don't have sex with a boy, you can't accidently get pregnant, women can't get you pregnant. But then I got more and more confused as your story went on.

I think what's going on here is that they're under the misconception that bisexuals are whores (that's not to say that there aren't bisexual whores). I know alot of "bisexuals" who claim that because they're bisexual, they have to have a boyfriend, and they have to have a girlfriend simultaniously. And there are also those people who claim to be "bisexual" for attention. It's complicated.

So, granted they think that you're a bisexual that wants to date everyone, they trying to keep you from being whore-y. But I'm sure this comes out of a place of love, but I never said that they were being smart about it. As far as them having anything to do with your sex life, I honestly don't think it's their business, but you are their daughter, and you do live with them, so it's something they're gonna worry about, however, I don't think they're going about it in the right way.

Did I answer your questions?

It answered my question to some extent.
I don't think it is a problem of my being bisexual makes them think I am a whore, because my mother is bi herself. And I am more pan than bi.

But I TOTALLY agree that they are going about it the wronge way. They do often... thanks for input though.  

[Taeryyn]

You are 15. I'm not sure where you live, but 16 is the age of consent here, so yes, to some extent your sex life is their business. I don't mean the actual details, but I can certainly understand them being concerned about you becoming sexually active.

Some of their requests seem unrealistic to me (I have yet to meet someone who would just drop everything and call their parents before getting intimate, for starters), but their hearts appear to be in the right place. Their overall attitude actually seems pretty reasonable. The fact that they're willing to discuss it at all is pretty cool (although I'm sure it can be painfully awkward, too..."humpy"? Really? Geez. xD)

From what you've described, they're willing to talk, so just keep an open dialogue with them, and they very well may see reason.

I'm in my 20s, and I've never had any sort of sex talk with my parents. razz When I was 12, my mom plunked a medical encyclopaedia in front of me, and told me to read the sections she had bookmarked. x3  

[Casendion]

It's only their business if you make it their business. If you wish for your life to be confidential, then keep it private and tell them that it's your life to choose what to do with.

As far as I'm aware, no state within the US has an age of consent at 15 so keep that in mind.  

[Sarah_L_Awesome]

none of their business whatsoever unless you decide it is.  

[Denkou Soshiatae]

Okay, totally for the only reason that i am a knowlege Nazi, the age of consent in Utah is 14...

But anyways.
Well, like i said, I don't actually PLAN of having sex right now. i'm a virgin, and I'd like to keep it that way for a while. It's just that me doing anything sexual seems to be something my parents damand to know about.

I understand about the "only their buisness if you choose for it to be", as in if i tell them. But i mean, it's not like i would just walk up to my parents and say "Hey I did whanot with soandso". They ask. are you guys saying if they ask that i should lie? Or simply say I don't want to talk about it?  

[silver-vixen-babydoll]

Denkou Soshiatae

Okay, totally for the only reason that i am a knowlege Nazi, the age of consent in Utah is 14...

But anyways.
Well, like i said, I don't actually PLAN of having sex right now. i'm a virgin, and I'd like to keep it that way for a while. It's just that me doing anything sexual seems to be something my parents damand to know about.

I understand about the "only their buisness if you choose for it to be", as in if i tell them. But i mean, it's not like i would just walk up to my parents and say "Hey I did whanot with soandso". They ask. are you guys saying if they ask that i should lie? Or simply say I don't want to talk about it?

Hunny your 16 correct? that means that you can go to your family doctor and ask to be put on the pill to regulate and help your period without parental consent (or at least in canada it is).

And another thing since your 16 theres doctor patient confidentiality... your parents don't have to know your on the pill, its your choice not theres, if they have a problem with that tell them its your body and you'll do whatever you so wish with it, if you want to go on the pill to relieve cramping you do it! I got horrible cramps, i've been the the hospital twice because of them, the pill helps believe me...

You should tell your parents that just because your bi doesn't mean your a whore and that you feel betrayed they'd even suggest that your a whore. Guilt trip them if you have too, they have no right to refuse you the help you need.  

[Robotic Zamat]

Frankly speaking, no. Not unless you want to talk to them about it.

But you should keep in mind that they are your parents and as such they have a built in thingy (in the best cases, I admit) about protecting their darling little children. Don't old it against them, they only want what's best for you. Once you have children, you'll find you've caught the same disease! smile

That said, private life is, um, well, private. You don't have to go into details, just reassure them that you know what you're doing. Show them that you can be trusted, that you can keep a level head.
Once they've seen that you can handle it in a grown-up fashion, rest assured that they'll get off your back about it.

HUGZ!!!
heart  

[Eleiza0250]

First of all, you're quite a bit too young to be having sex anyway, so I'm glad you want to stay a virgin.

Secondly, I think that your "sex life, love life, relationship life, whatever" is your parent's business to the extent that they are still responsible for you until you are 18. Not that you should have to share details, but that you should be able to discuss whatever problems you may have in this area with them if you need advice, since they've already been around the block a few times. you probably should, to some extent, want to tell them about how your relationship is going so that if trouble pops up, they can help you. You probably should also feel comfortable enough in your relationship to be able to share surface details with your parents and bring your partner over, etc; else, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship yet, or at least not the one that made you feel uncomfortable. I'm sorry if I'm speaking too much like a parent, but I think your parents should want to care about you.

Also, you should probably tell them nicely that you feel like a little kid the way they talk to you.

Good luck! heart  

[She Promised You Cookies]

You're 16. You have a whole life ahead of you, and if you have sex the wrong way, it could ******** up your life. So yes, your parents do have a right to know about your sex life. Sure, it's legal depending where you live, but if something bad happens, you only have yourself to blame. I feel sex is more of bonding as opposed to just pleasure. And you do have to be responsible. You should at least wait until your life has been organised and I think your parents are trying to help you with that. You do have a right to privacy and all that, but they're just trying to stop anything before it starts. Fondling and groping can turn into so much more without self-control. So instead of just going halfway and turning back, it's best to hold it off for a while.  

[AstridMiriam]

Well if your young your parents need to know