Zoharial
(?)Community Member
- Posted: Tue, 13 Dec 2005 21:44:37 +0000
The name's Zoey, and if you've seen me around the forums, you probably know that I'm a critic who enjoys what probably amounts to drive-by grenade bombings of the more ludicrously underthought amateur plots, characters, and poems. If you've ever submitted a story for me to beta and had the rare good fortune to get it back (I apologize to pretty much everyone who's passed me along a story - school owns my soul), you also know that I'm competent at what I do.
So I've been thinking about starting this contest for awhile, mostly because of the number of halfassed entries I've seen to previous contests of this sort. Thus, I do things a bit differently. I also have a probably illicit love of hyperbole - keep that in mind when reading over the rules, rights, and requirements. (If you ask me what "hyperbole" means, so help me God I will find a way to stab you in the face over the internet. At least be arsed to use dictionary.com.)
(Please note that there are a minimum of 15 entries required for the contest to actually take place. To enter, first trade me your entry fee, then post your entry up in the thread.)
MY NEO-FASCIST RULES AND REQUIREMENTS:
-Read the essay I've linked to in my sig. There will be a quiz.
-Your character must be genetically less than one-quarter human. No submitting cyborgs and being like, "but over three-quarters of hir organic bits have been replaced!" Furries may be decided on a case-by-case basis, but as a general rule, if your character is societally indistinguishable from a human you're kind of defeating the purpose.
-A shapeshifter character may not have a human natural form. If their humanoid form is a placeholder or a form of camouflage, they may stand a chance; see the conditions mentioned above. (Just the same, I wouldn't submit, for example one of my characters who's actually a young shapeshifting alien, but has taken a form greatly similar to a vampire to better survive the environment he's found himself in. A multidimensional/planeshifting entity whose placeholder in this dimension is human is also pushing it, but again if they are noteworthily socially or psychologically different from a human I'd be willing to give you the benefit of a doubt.)
-Gods/demigods, angels or demons whose base forms are humanoid are forbidden as well. If you can come up with a plausible Seraphim (one of those things with hundreds of eyes and on fire), for example, you're welcome to try; demons with bestial natural forms are also tolerable, so long as they spend more time in that form than in a humanoid form, and so long as their natures and histories reflect that form and why they find it appropriate.
-Inventiveness is encouraged. Your character need not even be organic, necessarily - while more human varieties of androids may be disqualified, weapons system AIs might provide interesting possibilities.
-Elves, dwarves, and the other humanoid fantasy races are likewise forbidden. To me, these races represent halfassery.
OTHER EXPECTATIONS
-I expect your character to be A CHARACTER - not just a display piece for your shiny non-human race. That means they need to have a developed personality and a personal history - not just be a collection of physical traits and miscellaneous vague descriptors. If I ask you how your character came to be the kind of character you've described, you must be able to explain it without resorting to cliches or blanket statements. (I may be more lenient than I sound on this requirement if you're admittedly still in the process of developing the character - but you have to let me know where you are in that process, what you've done so far, and the character's reason for existing.)
-I expect you to have put some thought into your race's history and evolution. This means no glaring anatomical impossibilities or biological ******** that would have them picked off in a generation, no massive and obvious hardware or software flaws or impracticalities, and no using magic as a catch-all attempted justification for anything that might fall into either of the above categories.
I RESERVE THE FOLLOWING RIGHTS:
-To tell you, for any reason and in any manner of my choosing, that you suck. (Simple and straightforward, really.) I will probably only exercise this right if you submit a Mary Sue, Marty Stu, or other variety of sorely underdeveloped character - or if you butcher the English language. However, you may also be informed that you suck if you act like a pompous a** without reason or justification.
-To encourage others to heckle you. If you submit a particularly shitty and underdeveloped character, your app is fair game for the wolves - I certainly won't stop them, and I might even egg them on.
-To try to force you not to suck. However brutal my commentary about your entry may be, you will always be able to glean useful advice from it if you don't immediately throw a pathetic ego-tantrum.
-To decide not to award prizes in the event of mass suckage. If all the entries are about equally ghastly and none of them are s**t I feel like wading through, I'll refund everyone's entry fee, and return all donations.
Still want to join? Heh, you're probably either actually competent or too stupid to read and comprehend the rules - or maybe just desperate for honest and sugarfree advice.
FEES, DIVISIONS, AND PRIZES
-There are no longer different categories, because fanfiction was being completely neglected.
-There is a 100 gold fee per entry, which must be sent to Sarin Dragoon. I will be matching this fee as a contribution to the prize money.
-First place in each division will receive 68% of the total entry fees/whatever I can drum up in donations, plus a Snow Yeti. Second place will receive 30% and a Paper Cat Band, or fish hat. Third place will receive Newsprint Stars or a Paper Crown, and a Gaia 2nd Anniversary Hat or Balloon. The remaining 2% is pathetic compensation for the effort the judges will be putting in, so we'll have to find other ways to amuse ourselves (probably at your expense). Thus, expect us to take no prisoners in reviewing your applications.
So I've been thinking about starting this contest for awhile, mostly because of the number of halfassed entries I've seen to previous contests of this sort. Thus, I do things a bit differently. I also have a probably illicit love of hyperbole - keep that in mind when reading over the rules, rights, and requirements. (If you ask me what "hyperbole" means, so help me God I will find a way to stab you in the face over the internet. At least be arsed to use dictionary.com.)
(Please note that there are a minimum of 15 entries required for the contest to actually take place. To enter, first trade me your entry fee, then post your entry up in the thread.)
MY NEO-FASCIST RULES AND REQUIREMENTS:
-Read the essay I've linked to in my sig. There will be a quiz.
-Your character must be genetically less than one-quarter human. No submitting cyborgs and being like, "but over three-quarters of hir organic bits have been replaced!" Furries may be decided on a case-by-case basis, but as a general rule, if your character is societally indistinguishable from a human you're kind of defeating the purpose.
-A shapeshifter character may not have a human natural form. If their humanoid form is a placeholder or a form of camouflage, they may stand a chance; see the conditions mentioned above. (Just the same, I wouldn't submit, for example one of my characters who's actually a young shapeshifting alien, but has taken a form greatly similar to a vampire to better survive the environment he's found himself in. A multidimensional/planeshifting entity whose placeholder in this dimension is human is also pushing it, but again if they are noteworthily socially or psychologically different from a human I'd be willing to give you the benefit of a doubt.)
-Gods/demigods, angels or demons whose base forms are humanoid are forbidden as well. If you can come up with a plausible Seraphim (one of those things with hundreds of eyes and on fire), for example, you're welcome to try; demons with bestial natural forms are also tolerable, so long as they spend more time in that form than in a humanoid form, and so long as their natures and histories reflect that form and why they find it appropriate.
-Inventiveness is encouraged. Your character need not even be organic, necessarily - while more human varieties of androids may be disqualified, weapons system AIs might provide interesting possibilities.
-Elves, dwarves, and the other humanoid fantasy races are likewise forbidden. To me, these races represent halfassery.
OTHER EXPECTATIONS
-I expect your character to be A CHARACTER - not just a display piece for your shiny non-human race. That means they need to have a developed personality and a personal history - not just be a collection of physical traits and miscellaneous vague descriptors. If I ask you how your character came to be the kind of character you've described, you must be able to explain it without resorting to cliches or blanket statements. (I may be more lenient than I sound on this requirement if you're admittedly still in the process of developing the character - but you have to let me know where you are in that process, what you've done so far, and the character's reason for existing.)
-I expect you to have put some thought into your race's history and evolution. This means no glaring anatomical impossibilities or biological ******** that would have them picked off in a generation, no massive and obvious hardware or software flaws or impracticalities, and no using magic as a catch-all attempted justification for anything that might fall into either of the above categories.
I RESERVE THE FOLLOWING RIGHTS:
-To tell you, for any reason and in any manner of my choosing, that you suck. (Simple and straightforward, really.) I will probably only exercise this right if you submit a Mary Sue, Marty Stu, or other variety of sorely underdeveloped character - or if you butcher the English language. However, you may also be informed that you suck if you act like a pompous a** without reason or justification.
-To encourage others to heckle you. If you submit a particularly shitty and underdeveloped character, your app is fair game for the wolves - I certainly won't stop them, and I might even egg them on.
-To try to force you not to suck. However brutal my commentary about your entry may be, you will always be able to glean useful advice from it if you don't immediately throw a pathetic ego-tantrum.
-To decide not to award prizes in the event of mass suckage. If all the entries are about equally ghastly and none of them are s**t I feel like wading through, I'll refund everyone's entry fee, and return all donations.
Still want to join? Heh, you're probably either actually competent or too stupid to read and comprehend the rules - or maybe just desperate for honest and sugarfree advice.
FEES, DIVISIONS, AND PRIZES
-There are no longer different categories, because fanfiction was being completely neglected.
-There is a 100 gold fee per entry, which must be sent to Sarin Dragoon. I will be matching this fee as a contribution to the prize money.
-First place in each division will receive 68% of the total entry fees/whatever I can drum up in donations, plus a Snow Yeti. Second place will receive 30% and a Paper Cat Band, or fish hat. Third place will receive Newsprint Stars or a Paper Crown, and a Gaia 2nd Anniversary Hat or Balloon. The remaining 2% is pathetic compensation for the effort the judges will be putting in, so we'll have to find other ways to amuse ourselves (probably at your expense). Thus, expect us to take no prisoners in reviewing your applications.