Alright then, everyone sit down, shut up, and let me get the everyday s**t out of the way so that we can move onto crap that actually matters. First off, standard disclaimer. I know. I know. You've all heard it before. Well yer goin' to hear it again, that way I don't havta worry about CID crawling up my a**. So listen up and obey Gaia's TOS. Also, this is a family friendly place, so keep it in yer pants or take it to the bathroom. Also, I know there will be fighting but the up and uppers don't want to hear all the gory details, do keep what happened to Bubba's legs to the bunk room, yeah. I would say mind your manners in front of the ladies, but ya’ll ain’t got any and there are no ladies around here. Finally, I have been getting complaints from the higher ups about your reports. Oh stop your moanin' if I have to hear then you havta. Now, yer a bunch grown men…and women, try to reflect it in your reports. A 500 word minium isn't too much to ask. It's not like I am asking for some god damned love letter, just give me enough to keep the uppers off my a** and I'll stay off yours.
Oh, and the secs wanted me to let you know that they are not your word processors and from now on you can check your own spelling and grammar. They also sent a reminder to use that fancy paper they keep stocked up on in their office, you know the one with the pretty letter head and fancy background and to make sure your font is set at sizes 10 or 11. The up and uppers like pretty pictures, names, ranks, and anything else you can do to make your reports easy on their eyes.
Okay, now that we got that outta the way, open up your folders and take a look at the photo ids we've been able to get for you. That's right real pictures of real people not that anime drawing s**t other departments try to pass off on us. You see here eight men. Yeah, your own faces are in there, my *cough*PA*cough* was too busy with other business to make individualized packets, so get over yourselves and let me move on. The lot of you have been handpicked by the up and uppers to eventually form the first joint squad in EDP history so ruck up and stop by my office and grab an application, and don’t worry the up and uppers might have picked you but I am still going over the damn thing with a fine tooth comb. If you don’t pass inspection I can always handpick my own men. Make sure you look over all the s**t in the file, I do expect you to know your own team mates. Remember your team is your family, your brotherhood, and your life.
Just to warn you, don't want you walkin' in on something' uncomfortable after all, these men may be in a variety of relationships rangin' from hetero to homosexual twincest. You have a problem with this then suck it up and grow a god damn pair of balls, and what is with all the wincing? We are all adults here why are you so surprised to hear adult language.
Also, I expect to see you all in the war room, every day. That is where all the planning goes down. If you aren't there and get left out of something it is your own fault, and don't go expecting someone to brief you either, unless you made plans before pulling an Elvis. I want reports from you all at least once a week if not more, just because you are now in a house and no longer on base, doesn't mean you don't have responsibilities.
I guess that is it for now. If anything else comes up I'll send you a memo, keep an eye out for the red letters. Now get outta here, don't you all have training.
