A POLL! "Lick My Boots!" BDSM: The Passion, The Lifestyle

Pick your poison.

Top	12.2%	[ 329 ]
Bottom	33.2%	[ 896 ]
Switch	28.3%	[ 763 ]
Gold!	26.4%	[ 712 ]
Total Votes:			[ 2700 ]

[Aislinn_Paige]

MistressxLithia

Randi The Rogue

Never used a sex swing but I totally would. They look like a lot of fun.

However, even though I've made progress, as I am now, I'd still be a bit worried about my weight in one. I'm not quite comfortable in my skin yet and any non-standard sex position kinda pulls me out of the moment because I get too caught up in my head worrying about how I must look.

As for words like b***h and slut, it's all about context. I love when my Master calls me a slut during play. But if anyone who isn't Mästare calls me a slut or a b***h (joking around doesn't count) I will defend myself and it won't be nice.

The word is a hard limit for kitten due to her former 'master'. He was an abusive ******** who used the word to demean her whenever the mood struck him. We've run into him a number of times at gatherings, the last time we did I had to hold my boy back from beating the s**t out of him because he caught kitten away from us, we didn't know he was there, and he had her close to a panic attack. After the debacle we had in here with that Lune person sending kitten over the deep end so that she was cutting, we're even more protective of her than before.

i'm glad you guys are watching out for her. If her old master was abusive, why is he still allowed at gatherings in Your area? :/

[Leohasgone]

Aislinn_Paige

MistressxLithia

Randi The Rogue

Never used a sex swing but I totally would. They look like a lot of fun.

However, even though I've made progress, as I am now, I'd still be a bit worried about my weight in one. I'm not quite comfortable in my skin yet and any non-standard sex position kinda pulls me out of the moment because I get too caught up in my head worrying about how I must look.

As for words like b***h and slut, it's all about context. I love when my Master calls me a slut during play. But if anyone who isn't Mästare calls me a slut or a b***h (joking around doesn't count) I will defend myself and it won't be nice.

The word is a hard limit for kitten due to her former 'master'. He was an abusive ******** who used the word to demean her whenever the mood struck him. We've run into him a number of times at gatherings, the last time we did I had to hold my boy back from beating the s**t out of him because he caught kitten away from us, we didn't know he was there, and he had her close to a panic attack. After the debacle we had in here with that Lune person sending kitten over the deep end so that she was cutting, we're even more protective of her than before.

i'm glad you guys are watching out for her. If her old master was abusive, why is he still allowed at gatherings in Your area? :/

Lots of BDSM communities have one hell of a problem when it comes to acknowledging abusers. It's so much easier for them to blame the victim. It's gross and completely unacceptable, but you see it everywhere.

[Mystic White Raven]

One dungeon item that is on my wishlist is a bar or metal frame or something that would allow my hands to be chained above my head in a semi comfy way (so out and up, like a Y and not straight up like an I) but not against something so Sir would have access to both sides. Another wishlist item that is going to be aquired much sooner is a full hood. I really really really want one.

[Marquessa_De_SadeFW]

Leolilac

Aislinn_Paige

MistressxLithia

Randi The Rogue

Never used a sex swing but I totally would. They look like a lot of fun.

However, even though I've made progress, as I am now, I'd still be a bit worried about my weight in one. I'm not quite comfortable in my skin yet and any non-standard sex position kinda pulls me out of the moment because I get too caught up in my head worrying about how I must look.

As for words like b***h and slut, it's all about context. I love when my Master calls me a slut during play. But if anyone who isn't Mästare calls me a slut or a b***h (joking around doesn't count) I will defend myself and it won't be nice.

The word is a hard limit for kitten due to her former 'master'. He was an abusive ******** who used the word to demean her whenever the mood struck him. We've run into him a number of times at gatherings, the last time we did I had to hold my boy back from beating the s**t out of him because he caught kitten away from us, we didn't know he was there, and he had her close to a panic attack. After the debacle we had in here with that Lune person sending kitten over the deep end so that she was cutting, we're even more protective of her than before.

i'm glad you guys are watching out for her. If her old master was abusive, why is he still allowed at gatherings in Your area? :/

Lots of BDSM communities have one hell of a problem when it comes to acknowledging abusers. It's so much easier for them to blame the victim. It's gross and completely unacceptable, but you see it everywhere.

it can be an issue. recently there was this
http://www.people.com/article/nebraska-man-forced-woman-into-slave-contract

and I sat reading and raging at it. Both for the woman and for what it is going to do to the community.

Unfortunately people outside of the BDSM world will see -that- as an example of what it is about.

Often it is that outsiders to a situation may see it as a "domestic" situation. I.E. a partner dispute...they may not realize it is abuse till too late.

But there are those that make a purpose of keeping people informed about -safe, sane, and consensual- and trying to educate people the difference between BDSM and -abuse-.
Sometimes it can be hard to differentiate without knowing the full situation.
Say, you see someone with bruises, you may believe it is abuse that the person is keeping silent. It may be the result of hard play. Or sparring.
Even if you see what you may believe is abuse, it may be something the two people have consented too. Some people get off on public humiliation. To those outside of it, it will look like abuse. To those involved it may be their form of "play".
That is what makes it hard for people.
That is also what makes it hard for authorities.

The best bets are being familiar with those you are around. That helps with noting the difference.
communication is vital.

Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the crazies from getting everywhere sad

[Randi The Rogue]

MistressxLithia

The word is a hard limit for kitten due to her former 'master'. He was an abusive ******** who used the word to demean her whenever the mood struck him. We've run into him a number of times at gatherings, the last time we did I had to hold my boy back from beating the s**t out of him because he caught kitten away from us, we didn't know he was there, and he had her close to a panic attack. After the debacle we had in here with that Lune person sending kitten over the deep end so that she was cutting, we're even more protective of her than before.

That's sad. I'm sorry she had to go through something like that.

If someone has been abusive they should definitely not be allowed at any future gatherings. We had a similar issue within my local Munch crowd. A subby friend of mine's Dom gave permission to a mutual friend of their's to play with her. The two had played before so they didn't think anything of it. The guy ended up tying her up and violating several of her hard limits against her wishes.

She was torn between outing the guy or not but, the guy doesn't show up at Munches anymore so I assume the Munch organizers banned him or something.

[Her chloe kitten]

Randi The Rogue

MistressxLithia

The word is a hard limit for kitten due to her former 'master'. He was an abusive ******** who used the word to demean her whenever the mood struck him. We've run into him a number of times at gatherings, the last time we did I had to hold my boy back from beating the s**t out of him because he caught kitten away from us, we didn't know he was there, and he had her close to a panic attack. After the debacle we had in here with that Lune person sending kitten over the deep end so that she was cutting, we're even more protective of her than before.

That's sad. I'm sorry she had to go through something like that.

If someone has been abusive they should definitely not be allowed at any future gatherings. We had a similar issue within my local Munch crowd. A subby friend of mine's Dom gave permission to a mutual friend of their's to play with her. The two had played before so they didn't think anything of it. The guy ended up tying her up and violating several of her hard limits against her wishes.

She was torn between outing the guy or not but, the guy doesn't show up at Munches anymore so I assume the Munch organizers banned him or something.

Aislinn_Paige

i'm glad you guys are watching out for her. If her old master was abusive, why is he still allowed at gatherings in Your area? :/

He isn't around for long. When we see him, the organizers are informed of his abusive nature and he is escorted out and banned. Not all of the places we go to know him by sight, because they need to have a visual, not just a name. But we don't run into him as much as we did in the beginning. He's... very persuasive, which was why, in the beginning, i didn't realize what he was doing was abusive. But when it got bad, and i saw that other subs were treated differently by their Dominants, i realized something was wrong. i'd played with Mistress and Rafe a few times, or rather they'd played with me, and it all came out in a session with them. i will be forever grateful that it did because i have never been happier in my life than i am with them.

[Aislinn_Paige]

Leolilac

Aislinn_Paige

MistressxLithia

Randi The Rogue

Never used a sex swing but I totally would. They look like a lot of fun.

However, even though I've made progress, as I am now, I'd still be a bit worried about my weight in one. I'm not quite comfortable in my skin yet and any non-standard sex position kinda pulls me out of the moment because I get too caught up in my head worrying about how I must look.

As for words like b***h and slut, it's all about context. I love when my Master calls me a slut during play. But if anyone who isn't Mästare calls me a slut or a b***h (joking around doesn't count) I will defend myself and it won't be nice.

The word is a hard limit for kitten due to her former 'master'. He was an abusive ******** who used the word to demean her whenever the mood struck him. We've run into him a number of times at gatherings, the last time we did I had to hold my boy back from beating the s**t out of him because he caught kitten away from us, we didn't know he was there, and he had her close to a panic attack. After the debacle we had in here with that Lune person sending kitten over the deep end so that she was cutting, we're even more protective of her than before.

i'm glad you guys are watching out for her. If her old master was abusive, why is he still allowed at gatherings in Your area? :/

Lots of BDSM communities have one hell of a problem when it comes to acknowledging abusers. It's so much easier for them to blame the victim. It's gross and completely unacceptable, but you see it everywhere.

:/ That is disappointing. Our community isn't like that, and we have worked hard to root out abusers and predators.

[Aislinn_Paige]

Her chloe kitten

Randi The Rogue

MistressxLithia

The word is a hard limit for kitten due to her former 'master'. He was an abusive ******** who used the word to demean her whenever the mood struck him. We've run into him a number of times at gatherings, the last time we did I had to hold my boy back from beating the s**t out of him because he caught kitten away from us, we didn't know he was there, and he had her close to a panic attack. After the debacle we had in here with that Lune person sending kitten over the deep end so that she was cutting, we're even more protective of her than before.

That's sad. I'm sorry she had to go through something like that.

If someone has been abusive they should definitely not be allowed at any future gatherings. We had a similar issue within my local Munch crowd. A subby friend of mine's Dom gave permission to a mutual friend of their's to play with her. The two had played before so they didn't think anything of it. The guy ended up tying her up and violating several of her hard limits against her wishes.

She was torn between outing the guy or not but, the guy doesn't show up at Munches anymore so I assume the Munch organizers banned him or something.

Aislinn_Paige

i'm glad you guys are watching out for her. If her old master was abusive, why is he still allowed at gatherings in Your area? :/

He isn't around for long. When we see him, the organizers are informed of his abusive nature and he is escorted out and banned. Not all of the places we go to know him by sight, because they need to have a visual, not just a name. But we don't run into him as much as we did in the beginning. He's... very persuasive, which was why, in the beginning, i didn't realize what he was doing was abusive. But when it got bad, and i saw that other subs were treated differently by their Dominants, i realized something was wrong. i'd played with Mistress and Rafe a few times, or rather they'd played with me, and it all came out in a session with them. i will be forever grateful that it did because i have never been happier in my life than i am with them.

i completely understand. my first two Dom(me)s were the same way... The second was worse, because i didn't realize until multiple years in, and some of my battle buddies in the military had to point it out to me. my current Husband and Master was one of the people who got me away from him. Thank Gods.

[Jason0690]

Yeah, to the outsider the lines between consensual and abusive are either heavily blurred, or overlap. Even within the community this can be a problem.

While my dad knows that I am not in an abusive relationship, it's a hard concept to wrap one's grey matter around when you grew up with a family that by all means, was borderline abusive.(My dad's mother didn't drive a car until my dad was well into his teen years. His dad also didn't want anyone to know that his wife worked.)
My dad knows that if I stay "stop" that Warden will stop. He knows that Warden gives my hard limits a wide berth.(A very, very wide berth - avoids at all costs.)
But not everyone can trust it's that way in each relationship.

That's pretty much the reason I talked to my dad about it. I also talked to him about my brother's relationship, which is much closer to TPE than Warden and I practice.(Which again, relates to the naming of our D/s as Warden and ward, or charge. He looks over my well being, and directs me for the most, but as long as I am within the basic parameters, I can do what I please.)

For my brother, it's actually a lot better for someone else to control his life. Someone is there to force him to sleep when he doesn't want to, and to get out of bed when he's depressed.(My brother has a form of bipolar disorder.) And because my brother doesn't have a brain/mouth filter when talking to me, I know far too much about his personal life. He doesn't tell our dad as much as he tells me, so I have to basically assure dad that my brother is totes ok.
And if I thought my brother wasn't, I'd remove him from that situation, bringing in backup if necessary.(Such as the mother of his kids, who still is amiable towards him. And obvs, dad.)

[Charonai]

Reading through a lot of this... is interesting but also sad.
It's kinda sad to think that because things are so tricky to pinpoint between abuse and general practice, that abusers might escape the community notice. I'm sure it's not easy on anyone involved but that makes it even worse for victims and their support crew in terms of trying to get it all explained out with ramifications.

It reminds me of an article on someone's experience with the court system and rape I read the other day, terrible stuff.

sad

[spellslave]

Charonai

Reading through a lot of this... is interesting but also sad.
It's kinda sad to think that because things are so tricky to pinpoint between abuse and general practice, that abusers might escape the community notice. I'm sure it's not easy on anyone involved but that makes it even worse for victims and their support crew in terms of trying to get it all explained out with ramifications.

It reminds me of an article on someone's experience with the court system and rape I read the other day, terrible stuff.

sad

❝ I'll definitely pipe up to also state that the idea of someone noticing any marks from play, and thinking of it as abuse, is why my interest in getting back into that side of my sexual appetite is a little on the wayward side at this point in time. ❞

[Charonai]

spellslave

Charonai

Reading through a lot of this... is interesting but also sad.
It's kinda sad to think that because things are so tricky to pinpoint between abuse and general practice, that abusers might escape the community notice. I'm sure it's not easy on anyone involved but that makes it even worse for victims and their support crew in terms of trying to get it all explained out with ramifications.

It reminds me of an article on someone's experience with the court system and rape I read the other day, terrible stuff.

sad

❝ I'll definitely pipe up to also state that the idea of someone noticing any marks from play, and thinking of it as abuse, is why my interest in getting back into that side of my sexual appetite is a little on the wayward side at this point in time. ❞

My family is really sensitive about seeing marks so I'm not really into receiving, especially the easily visible ones-- but I also bruise really easily.
I'd prefer not to make it too much harder on any newcomers, our family's pretty overprotective since my last relationship.

I think its important to think of where they are and how they look too, there's a certain cultural sensitivity that's starting to get better, albeit in response to abuse awareness.

[spellslave]

Charonai

spellslave

Charonai

Reading through a lot of this... is interesting but also sad.
It's kinda sad to think that because things are so tricky to pinpoint between abuse and general practice, that abusers might escape the community notice. I'm sure it's not easy on anyone involved but that makes it even worse for victims and their support crew in terms of trying to get it all explained out with ramifications.

It reminds me of an article on someone's experience with the court system and rape I read the other day, terrible stuff.

sad

❝ I'll definitely pipe up to also state that the idea of someone noticing any marks from play, and thinking of it as abuse, is why my interest in getting back into that side of my sexual appetite is a little on the wayward side at this point in time. ❞

My family is really sensitive about seeing marks so I'm not really into receiving, especially the easily visible ones-- but I also bruise really easily.
I'd prefer not to make it too much harder on any newcomers, our family's pretty overprotective since my last relationship.

I think its important to think of where they are and how they look too, there's a certain cultural sensitivity that's starting to get better, albeit in response to abuse awareness.

❝ I was semi-open to my family about being into BDSM. Thanks to a lack of privacy, any book deliveries or parcels were noticed, and my Mother had/has the habit of occasionally going through my room for no reason at all so, trying to hide anything was something I did not even try to attempt. They took the 'whatever so long as you are safe' stance, but since my boyfriend/Masters' death, all of my stuff is tucked away.

Yeah, definitely. I'm also in the 'bruises easily' category, but I also have a high pain tolerance while playing so, I have a habit of not noticing how bad the marks are until they were already done. Methinks the high tolerance is adrenaline/endorphins? Idk. ❞

[Charonai]

spellslave

❝ I was semi-open to my family about being into BDSM. Thanks to a lack of privacy, any book deliveries or parcels were noticed, and my Mother had/has the habit of occasionally going through my room for no reason at all so, trying to hide anything was something I did not even try to attempt. They took the 'whatever so long as you are safe' stance, but since my boyfriend/Masters' death, all of my stuff is tucked away.

Yeah, definitely. I'm also in the 'bruises easily' category, but I also have a high pain tolerance while playing so, I have a habit of not noticing how bad the marks are until they were already done. Methinks the high tolerance is adrenaline/endorphins? Idk. ❞

Aw, I'm sorry to hear of their passing sad
To be honest, my mom is kinda like that minus the going through my stuff. She cares a lot and has a way of getting into your business, but it's always from a parent prospective. Sometimes it helps.

Adrenaline can do some crazy things, serotonin too. The effects on the body can be quite interesting from a psych/medical perspective but alas that's my background sweatdrop

[Jason0690]

Charonai

Reading through a lot of this... is interesting but also sad.
It's kinda sad to think that because things are so tricky to pinpoint between abuse and general practice, that abusers might escape the community notice. I'm sure it's not easy on anyone involved but that makes it even worse for victims and their support crew in terms of trying to get it all explained out with ramifications.

It reminds me of an article on someone's experience with the court system and rape I read the other day, terrible stuff.

sad

This is why I take the stance that the survivor is always telling the truth until proven otherwise.