A POLL! "Lick My Boots!" BDSM: The Passion, The Lifestyle

Pick your poison.

Top	12.2%	[ 329 ]
Bottom	33.2%	[ 896 ]
Switch	28.3%	[ 763 ]
Gold!	26.4%	[ 712 ]
Total Votes:			[ 2700 ]

[Blackrose_Knight]

substantially

Quote:

How do you acquire new information in regards to kink? Do you reach out to someone? Research on your own? Call a friend? Poll the audience?

For me it started with just searching stuff online and reading blogs. I'm here to learn so lurking and chatting here is one way I go about it, as well as listening to some podcasts and reading, of course. I don't think I've sought out academic journals yet. I never even thought to - which is quite silly now that I think about it. Nonetheless, most of the kinky/bdsm stuff I learn about is from other people, but none that I've chatted with in person... other than my dominate, but we're pretty much on the same knowledge level since we're learning together.

What kinky blogs/podcasts do you like?

[Raspberry Flavored Milk]

Blackrose_Knight

What kinky blogs/podcasts do you like?

I was following quite a few before but Libby's (link is NSFW) is one I've come back to a few times. I really liker hers.

Masocast is one of the podcasts I rather enjoy. It's interview-style episodes. I always sort of think of Oprah - but kinky. I don't know why and I'm pretty sure there aren't very many similarities, if any.

The Dark Side is also sort of interview-style but it's more... like a radio talk show? It's also from two Canadians. Yay Canada.

I haven't listened to Power in Practice yet but I do have a few episodes downloaded.

I know I've followed others... but I can't remember their names for the life of me. I think there was a ropecast... sweatdrop
.

[DasTier]

My favorite podcast. Ropecast

Daddy and I have hit a fairly silly impasse and I don't know what to do about it. My car has been at the mechanics for some time now. This car is not the one I use. It's been laid up for several years so it's taking time to get it working again. I told Daddy if he could get it running he could borrow it since he doesn't have a car right now. He worked on it and got it to a point but couldn't go any further with it so in the middle of the night I hooked it up to my car and towed it to the mechanic. Got in trouble for that because Daddy didn't want me to do that earlier when he was over there with me but.... Anyway, the mechanic is working on it as a favor to me. He has tried a few things and I have had to get a part for it off of ebay. The mechanic is pretty much doing this for me for free so I don't feel like I can push him. Daddy feels differently. He would have me call the mechanic several times a day and has actually told me to do that on a few occasions. My mechanic does not like Daddy because he knows where the harassment is coming from. He has even offered to put Daddy in the car and push him out into traffic. Needless to say I don't want Daddy or my mechanic talking to each other since I don't want to lose either one of them.

The last week or so, Daddy has been trying off and on to get me to give him the mechanic's number. I refuse and have managed to change the subject or otherwise circumvent disaster. Today I got several texts about giving him the mechanic's number the last being about not making Daddy order me to do it. My response to that was that as much as it hurts me to do it, I respectfully refuse. He didn't get that text but when he called me this evening I told him what I had texted. He wasn't pleased but has kept his tone light. He told me that he didn't like any of my messages (big shock there) and that he wanted the phone number because he felt that he should be handling this since he doesn't want me to stress out since I have been sick. I told him that I believe he hit an impasse in this situation but Daddy pointed out that there are no impasses because he is always right. I am now suppose to think long and hard about my position and have a better response when he calls me tomorrow.

I know that I am going to have trouble if he orders me to give him the number. He has never ordered me to do anything but I know that it is not my place to refuse an order which is what I will have to do. I am completely at a loss right now. I don't know what to do or say to defuse the situation. My Daddy is very good to me and I don't fear punishment but the last thing I want to do is disappoint him. Any ideas of a better way to handle things?

[starfire1491]

DasTier

My favorite podcast. Ropecast

Daddy and I have hit a fairly silly impasse and I don't know what to do about it. My car has been at the mechanics for some time now. This car is not the one I use. It's been laid up for several years so it's taking time to get it working again. I told Daddy if he could get it running he could borrow it since he doesn't have a car right now. He worked on it and got it to a point but couldn't go any further with it so in the middle of the night I hooked it up to my car and towed it to the mechanic. Got in trouble for that because Daddy didn't want me to do that earlier when he was over there with me but.... Anyway, the mechanic is working on it as a favor to me. He has tried a few things and I have had to get a part for it off of ebay. The mechanic is pretty much doing this for me for free so I don't feel like I can push him. Daddy feels differently. He would have me call the mechanic several times a day and has actually told me to do that on a few occasions. My mechanic does not like Daddy because he knows where the harassment is coming from. He has even offered to put Daddy in the car and push him out into traffic. Needless to say I don't want Daddy or my mechanic talking to each other since I don't want to lose either one of them.

The last week or so, Daddy has been trying off and on to get me to give him the mechanic's number. I refuse and have managed to change the subject or otherwise circumvent disaster. Today I got several texts about giving him the mechanic's number the last being about not making Daddy order me to do it. My response to that was that as much as it hurts me to do it, I respectfully refuse. He didn't get that text but when he called me this evening I told him what I had texted. He wasn't pleased but has kept his tone light. He told me that he didn't like any of my messages (big shock there) and that he wanted the phone number because he felt that he should be handling this since he doesn't want me to stress out since I have been sick. I told him that I believe he hit an impasse in this situation but Daddy pointed out that there are no impasses because he is always right. I am now suppose to think long and hard about my position and have a better response when he calls me tomorrow.

I know that I am going to have trouble if he orders me to give him the number. He has never ordered me to do anything but I know that it is not my place to refuse an order which is what I will have to do. I am completely at a loss right now. I don't know what to do or say to defuse the situation. My Daddy is very good to me and I don't fear punishment but the last thing I want to do is disappoint him. Any ideas of a better way to handle things?

I'd organize a talk between you, him, and the mechainic to discuss whats going on. That makes the most sense. My stepdad is a mechanic and had a similar situation a few years ago. They all sat and disscuss what was apporpriate as far as how many times to call and such. Worked out well for everyone.

[starfire1491]

I'm having a slight issue with my boyfriend and I'm not too sure how to handle it. I was raped as a kid and again in my teens, which caused my ptsd. Sometimes he does things to trigger flashbacks when hes being a little too rough and I'm not sure how to tell him no. I mean I was up most of the night last night from them, but he didnt cause them last night. How can I make him understand?

[DasTier]

starfire1491

I'm having a slight issue with my boyfriend and I'm not too sure how to handle it. I was raped as a kid and again in my teens, which caused my ptsd. Sometimes he does things to trigger flashbacks when hes being a little too rough and I'm not sure how to tell him no. I mean I was up most of the night last night from them, but he didnt cause them last night. How can I make him understand?

Do you go to some sort of therapy that he could accompany you to that might help him understand?
The other thought running in my head is that if things are getting too rough use your safeword to stop him and then once you're both calmed down talk things out. Tell him what was going on in your head and what triggered it. That should help him understand. Discussing it with him is the best shot of getting him on board with what you are going through.

That said I think getting Daddy and the mechanic in a "civil" discussion is going to be terribly difficult but I might give it a shot.

[starfire1491]

DasTier

starfire1491

I'm having a slight issue with my boyfriend and I'm not too sure how to handle it. I was raped as a kid and again in my teens, which caused my ptsd. Sometimes he does things to trigger flashbacks when hes being a little too rough and I'm not sure how to tell him no. I mean I was up most of the night last night from them, but he didnt cause them last night. How can I make him understand?

Do you go to some sort of therapy that he could accompany you to that might help him understand?
The other thought running in my head is that if things are getting too rough use your safeword to stop him and then once you're both calmed down talk things out. Tell him what was going on in your head and what triggered it. That should help him understand. Discussing it with him is the best shot of getting him on board with what you are going through.

That said I think getting Daddy and the mechanic in a "civil" discussion is going to be terribly difficult but I might give it a shot.

I talk to a hypnotist thats been helping me, so maybe i can talk to both of them at once. Sometimes I get so worked up I cant breathe, let alone use the safeword. I'm not sure how to go about it.

As far as the mechanic, if all 3 of you cant sit down, just you and Daddy discuss how to handle it. Do you think he can be civil with you and you can work on some ground rules like how often to call?

[DasTier]

starfire1491

DasTier

starfire1491

I'm having a slight issue with my boyfriend and I'm not too sure how to handle it. I was raped as a kid and again in my teens, which caused my ptsd. Sometimes he does things to trigger flashbacks when hes being a little too rough and I'm not sure how to tell him no. I mean I was up most of the night last night from them, but he didnt cause them last night. How can I make him understand?

Do you go to some sort of therapy that he could accompany you to that might help him understand?
The other thought running in my head is that if things are getting too rough use your safeword to stop him and then once you're both calmed down talk things out. Tell him what was going on in your head and what triggered it. That should help him understand. Discussing it with him is the best shot of getting him on board with what you are going through.

That said I think getting Daddy and the mechanic in a "civil" discussion is going to be terribly difficult but I might give it a shot.

I talk to a hypnotist thats been helping me, so maybe i can talk to both of them at once. Sometimes I get so worked up I cant breathe, let alone use the safeword. I'm not sure how to go about it.

As far as the mechanic, if all 3 of you cant sit down, just you and Daddy discuss how to handle it. Do you think he can be civil with you and you can work on some ground rules like how often to call?

Ooo, sorry that it gets you that worked up. That's not good at all. Hopefully the hypnotist can help out. Do you think you can drop something to get his attention. Maybe when you two get frisky it would be a good idea to hold onto a set of keys or something of that nature that can take the place of a safeword. That way you can get his attention without having to rely on being able to speak. The same way you have a signal if you are gagged and can't speak might help out in this situation.

He can be civil with me. Actually they both can be. It's just the idea of the two of them together. I know the mechanic gets annoyed with being pestered but I also think that he gets annoyed about the dynamics of my relationship since he has had a glimpse of it. We have become friends and I think he worries about me just a touch. On the other hand I know that Daddy is trying to protect me because he feels the mechanic is taking advantage of me. No matter how many times I have tried to tell him that is not the case he still is hard headed. Today was a time when our hard heads clashed a bit which is not good. My mechanic is actually honest and will work with me if I can't afford the repairs. He has gone out of the way to help me time and time again. Daddy doesn't register this. The only sees that the other car isn't getting worked on so the mechanic is stringing me along and is going to charge me an arm and a leg in the end because he thinks I'm going to get hit with storage fees on top of everything else. rolleyes I really love him and I appreciate that he is trying to look out for me but sometimes....

[starfire1491]

DasTier

starfire1491

DasTier

starfire1491

I'm having a slight issue with my boyfriend and I'm not too sure how to handle it. I was raped as a kid and again in my teens, which caused my ptsd. Sometimes he does things to trigger flashbacks when hes being a little too rough and I'm not sure how to tell him no. I mean I was up most of the night last night from them, but he didnt cause them last night. How can I make him understand?

Do you go to some sort of therapy that he could accompany you to that might help him understand?
The other thought running in my head is that if things are getting too rough use your safeword to stop him and then once you're both calmed down talk things out. Tell him what was going on in your head and what triggered it. That should help him understand. Discussing it with him is the best shot of getting him on board with what you are going through.

That said I think getting Daddy and the mechanic in a "civil" discussion is going to be terribly difficult but I might give it a shot.

I talk to a hypnotist thats been helping me, so maybe i can talk to both of them at once. Sometimes I get so worked up I cant breathe, let alone use the safeword. I'm not sure how to go about it.

As far as the mechanic, if all 3 of you cant sit down, just you and Daddy discuss how to handle it. Do you think he can be civil with you and you can work on some ground rules like how often to call?

Ooo, sorry that it gets you that worked up. That's not good at all. Hopefully the hypnotist can help out. Do you think you can drop something to get his attention. Maybe when you two get frisky it would be a good idea to hold onto a set of keys or something of that nature that can take the place of a safeword. That way you can get his attention without having to rely on being able to speak. The same way you have a signal if you are gagged and can't speak might help out in this situation.

He can be civil with me. Actually they both can be. It's just the idea of the two of them together. I know the mechanic gets annoyed with being pestered but I also think that he gets annoyed about the dynamics of my relationship since he has had a glimpse of it. We have become friends and I think he worries about me just a touch. On the other hand I know that Daddy is trying to protect me because he feels the mechanic is taking advantage of me. No matter how many times I have tried to tell him that is not the case he still is hard headed. Today was a time when our hard heads clashed a bit which is not good. My mechanic is actually honest and will work with me if I can't afford the repairs. He has gone out of the way to help me time and time again. Daddy doesn't register this. The only sees that the other car isn't getting worked on so the mechanic is stringing me along and is going to charge me an arm and a leg in the end because he thinks I'm going to get hit with storage fees on top of everything else. rolleyes I really love him and I appreciate that he is trying to look out for me but sometimes....

The odd thing is it usually isnt this bad. He's only caused it once or twice, and when he did I mangaed to smack him and he knew to stop. Last night it was more of it happend in my sleep and woke me up. He knew when we started dating that this could happen.

Same thing with my dad the mechanic. He makes sure everyone is taken care of for a price they can afford or as a favor. My mom was tha hard a** about calling customers for payment and such. Can you try and explain to Daddy that he's just helping as friend because he worries?

[DasTier]

starfire1491

DasTier

Ooo, sorry that it gets you that worked up. That's not good at all. Hopefully the hypnotist can help out. Do you think you can drop something to get his attention. Maybe when you two get frisky it would be a good idea to hold onto a set of keys or something of that nature that can take the place of a safeword. That way you can get his attention without having to rely on being able to speak. The same way you have a signal if you are gagged and can't speak might help out in this situation.

He can be civil with me. Actually they both can be. It's just the idea of the two of them together. I know the mechanic gets annoyed with being pestered but I also think that he gets annoyed about the dynamics of my relationship since he has had a glimpse of it. We have become friends and I think he worries about me just a touch. On the other hand I know that Daddy is trying to protect me because he feels the mechanic is taking advantage of me. No matter how many times I have tried to tell him that is not the case he still is hard headed. Today was a time when our hard heads clashed a bit which is not good. My mechanic is actually honest and will work with me if I can't afford the repairs. He has gone out of the way to help me time and time again. Daddy doesn't register this. The only sees that the other car isn't getting worked on so the mechanic is stringing me along and is going to charge me an arm and a leg in the end because he thinks I'm going to get hit with storage fees on top of everything else. rolleyes I really love him and I appreciate that he is trying to look out for me but sometimes....

The odd thing is it usually isnt this bad. He's only caused it once or twice, and when he did I mangaed to smack him and he knew to stop. Last night it was more of it happend in my sleep and woke me up. He knew when we started dating that this could happen.

Same thing with my dad the mechanic. He makes sure everyone is taken care of for a price they can afford or as a favor. My mom was tha hard a** about calling customers for payment and such. Can you try and explain to Daddy that he's just helping as friend because he worries?

Smacking them usually works well. The night that I forgot to tell my play partner that I didn't do breath play I was able to stop him by digging my nails into his sides. It's amazing how we find a way to communicate sometimes. 3nodding
Well then back to the hypnotist. Maybe having the three of you talking about the situation can help point out the exact cause (activity or which stimulus) of your flashbacks. Then he will know what to avoid and it might also help you heal. I do know a number of rape victims who have used BDSM as a way to desensitize themselves to these traumatic experiences. (*nods* BDSM isn't therapy but it can be therapeutic.)

I'll give it a shot. Right now he thinks the mechanic is blowing me off because he is my friend and figures he can put the job off and I won't say anything about it. I promise you there is nothing this man would like more then to get my car running so he can get it out of his shop. That would end all sorts of aggravation.

[starfire1491]

DasTier

starfire1491

DasTier

Ooo, sorry that it gets you that worked up. That's not good at all. Hopefully the hypnotist can help out. Do you think you can drop something to get his attention. Maybe when you two get frisky it would be a good idea to hold onto a set of keys or something of that nature that can take the place of a safeword. That way you can get his attention without having to rely on being able to speak. The same way you have a signal if you are gagged and can't speak might help out in this situation.

He can be civil with me. Actually they both can be. It's just the idea of the two of them together. I know the mechanic gets annoyed with being pestered but I also think that he gets annoyed about the dynamics of my relationship since he has had a glimpse of it. We have become friends and I think he worries about me just a touch. On the other hand I know that Daddy is trying to protect me because he feels the mechanic is taking advantage of me. No matter how many times I have tried to tell him that is not the case he still is hard headed. Today was a time when our hard heads clashed a bit which is not good. My mechanic is actually honest and will work with me if I can't afford the repairs. He has gone out of the way to help me time and time again. Daddy doesn't register this. The only sees that the other car isn't getting worked on so the mechanic is stringing me along and is going to charge me an arm and a leg in the end because he thinks I'm going to get hit with storage fees on top of everything else. rolleyes I really love him and I appreciate that he is trying to look out for me but sometimes....

The odd thing is it usually isnt this bad. He's only caused it once or twice, and when he did I mangaed to smack him and he knew to stop. Last night it was more of it happend in my sleep and woke me up. He knew when we started dating that this could happen.

Same thing with my dad the mechanic. He makes sure everyone is taken care of for a price they can afford or as a favor. My mom was tha hard a** about calling customers for payment and such. Can you try and explain to Daddy that he's just helping as friend because he worries?

Smacking them usually works well. The night that I forgot to tell my play partner that I didn't do breath play I was able to stop him by digging my nails into his sides. It's amazing how we find a way to communicate sometimes. 3nodding
Well then back to the hypnotist. Maybe having the three of you talking about the situation can help point out the exact cause (activity or which stimulus) of your flashbacks. Then he will know what to avoid and it might also help you heal. I do know a number of rape victims who have used BDSM as a way to desensitize themselves to these traumatic experiences. (*nods* BDSM isn't therapy but it can be therapeutic.)

I'll give it a shot. Right now he thinks the mechanic is blowing me off because he is my friend and figures he can put the job off and I won't say anything about it. I promise you there is nothing this man would like more then to get my car running so he can get it out of his shop. That would end all sorts of aggravation.

It doesnt help that I've been under more stress than usual. I was also put on some new meds which could be causing it, a lot factors into it.

It may help. Your mechanic sounds a lot like my daddy. Like you said, I'm sure he has your best intrests in mind.

[Nedraxilloviara]

Blackrose_Knight

How do you acquire new information in regards to kink? Do you reach out to someone? Research on your own? Call a friend? Poll the audience?

When I first discovered kink about 6-7 months ago I wanted to learn about as many different things as possible, so I did a lot of link-following on the BDSM wiki "Whipipedia" to get an idea of various fetishes, play types, protocol, etc. I've also learned a good bit just by following this thread. Currently I read a lot of discussion threads on FetLife and occasionally message back and forth with people there if I'm especially curious about something. I'd like to meet some other kinksters in real life, but I haven't seen anyone on FL who was both a) local and b) not a creepy stalker begging me to come Domme him and his two daughters. >.<

[forever a fawn]

They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops. And that's true.

I thought of a question, since I'm on vacation right now.

If you were on vacation, say at someone's house or staying at a hotel, would you still be kinky? Or do you save it for home only?

What they don't tell you, is that once time starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up.

[S c h a d 3 n f r e u d e]

Department of Mysteries

They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops. And that's true.

I thought of a question, since I'm on vacation right now.

If you were on vacation, say at someone's house or staying at a hotel, would you still be kinky? Or do you save it for home only?

What they don't tell you, is that once time starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up.

Still be "kinky." I don't turn off myself and who I am to please others.

[Raspberry Flavored Milk]

Department of Mysteries

If you were on vacation, say at someone's house or staying at a hotel, would you still be kinky? Or do you save it for home only?

I think it depends but it would most likely be tuned down a bit, but not necessarily be non-existent for the time being - unless the friend was kinky and that was part of the reason for being there. It also depends on the kink.

I think I'm more likely to be comfortable with sitting at my dominants feet if we're in a hotel room than if we're at a non-kinky friends place since I feel there is more privacy. The more extreme sexual kinks would stay at home but I don't see why we wouldn't bring toys that were more inconspicuous. Again, unless we were at a non-kinky friends place - at least I would be uncomfortable with that. We wouldn't stop being us, we'd just be more aware of the level of privacy. Unless we agreed it was a no-kink time... but I don't see the habits going away with such an agreement... I'm not sure how my dominant feels about this though, and a fair bit of it would depend on him.
.