PTSD - Not just for combat veterans!

[New Vogue Child]

Some post I saw somewhere

"It's the exposure to the traumatic stressors, events, or situations and not necessarily actually being there in combat that's key to understanding the potential for personnel to develop PTSD symptoms. Additionally, repeated or continuous exposure to traumatic events could also heighten the chances of developing PTSD."

So, I have PTSD. Professionally diagnosed, in therapy, looking at medication, PTSD (among other things). Yay me.

The incident with this violent person, who I can only refer to as "********" or Monster because literally even hearing his name is a trigger (luckily, it's not a common name), happened about three years ago. I won't be describing it in a lot of detail because I can't. I won't. I haven't even been able to tell my therapist, so it's not happening here.

Thursday, ‎November ‎17, ‎2011. I know that from the info embedded in the pictures I took. The pictures of my trashed room because we weren't there to hit anymore when we fled the house (he hadn't lived with us for quite a while at that time, he was an unwelcome invader). After the worst night of my life, I came back after it was safe to find that my personal space, my safe place was violated. That was more damaging than I could have ever imagined. I still freak out if my stuff gets moved.

I still live in that house, in that same room. Nevermind why, there's a lot about why that I'm not comfortable talking about in public. The room isn't the problem.

It's when he calls. He lives several hours away now, but still if the phone rings late at night for any reason, I feel sick. The phone ringing late at night is how it always started. Sometimes I overhear his voice on speakerphone, or because the phone is particularly loud.
Every time I hear his voice, I hear the same audio on loop in my head. From that night.
I have nightmares. I feel empty. I get aggressive. It's super not fun.



The only people I can come close to trusting are people I can't tell; either because they only offer me the same empty, cookie-cutter ******** impractical platitudes, or because they're dealing with/have been through their own s**t and I feel like I'd only be adding to their pile or bothering them.
One person I thought I could trust even told me once to "just move on." Cute, right?


I don't know if anyone will look at this, but I think I need someone to see it.
My bed after returning
I think I need someone, anyone, to understand at least a fraction of what I see in my nightmares.


I don't know why I'm posting this... it's past midnight and maybe I'm hoping someone will have a bright idea that will click in the crazy soup that lives in my head.
You can try - I mean, please do, but I'm not sure there's really anything you can tell me that I haven't tried.


And again as to why I still live there, there's a lot about why that I'm not comfortable talking about in public. The room isn't the problem, I promise. The person I share my room with is not the problem.


And Gaia, giving me a Pink Link on the preview for this post? That's hilarious, but so inappropriate.

[xChibi Cannibalx]

If you cannot tell your therapist, write it onto paper and hand it to them. The letter doesnt have to make sense, it doesnt even have to be super detailed. It can be exactly what you posted here on gaia

If the phone ringing at night is a trigger, turn it off. If you cannot for whatever reason, then put it on silent and dont look at it. If its in your head and its not really ringing, distract yourself at night. Play a video game. Read a book. If you start to hear it ring, concentrate as hard as you can on whatever you are doing. Dont let your mind wander to the phone or to that night. Stay focused on the book or game

As harsh as this may be, if you ask a friend for help and they tell you to 'just move on' drop them. Atleast until you are able to make yourself feel better. Its clear that comment stuck to you, and its not a good comment to have if you are trying to progress with ptsd

And although you say the room isnt a problem, your bed seems to be. You brought up your bed a few times in that post and even posted a picture. Have you considered possibly moving around your room? Put your bed in a different part of your room, like against the wall opposite to where it is now, then rearrange whatever else you have in there. Make the room look new. Make your bed feel new. The new scenery could help keep the memories from popping up as now the place that it happened looks different

[New Vogue Child]

xChibi Cannibalx

I've tried all of these things, really. I appreciate the thoughts, but I've been living with this for three years.
The room has been rearranged a least twice since then. It's a completely a different space, and one in which I'm comfortable. Unless someone moves my stuff. It's a shared room, the phone can't be put on silent, but if the ringing persists, if it's late and it's him, it gets unplugged from the wall. And no, that person isn't my friend any more.

The most I've been able to tell her is pretty much what I've written here, I can't put words to anything else. I can see it, but I cant describe it.

[xChibi Cannibalx]

New Vogue Child

xChibi Cannibalx

I've tried all of these things, really. I appreciate the thoughts, but I've been living with this for three years.
The room has been rearranged a least twice since then. It's a completely a different space, and one in which I'm comfortable. Unless someone moves my stuff. It's a shared room, the phone can't be put on silent, but if the ringing persists, if it's late and it's him, it gets unplugged from the wall. And no, that person isn't my friend any more.

The most I've been able to tell her is pretty much what I've written here, I can't put words to anything else. I can see it, but I cant describe it.

So he really is still calling you? Have you tried changing your number?

Dont worry about describing it well. Whatever you see, tell her about it. It doesnt have to make sense. Sometimes it doesnt have to be sentences. Your therapist should understand and would be able to help you more than anyone here really can

[New Vogue Child]

xChibi Cannibalx

So he really is still calling you? Have you tried changing your number?

Dont worry about describing it well. Whatever you see, tell her about it. It doesnt have to make sense. Sometimes it doesnt have to be sentences. Your therapist should understand and would be able to help you more than anyone here really can

He doesn't call me, the person I share a room with is his sibling. Any exposure is purely incidental.

I do talk to my therapist about other parts of it, enough to where she's starting to get a good idea of what the big picture looks like... albeit with a great big gaping trauma hole of data not found.

[xChibi Cannibalx]

New Vogue Child

xChibi Cannibalx

So he really is still calling you? Have you tried changing your number?

Dont worry about describing it well. Whatever you see, tell her about it. It doesnt have to make sense. Sometimes it doesnt have to be sentences. Your therapist should understand and would be able to help you more than anyone here really can

He doesn't call me, the person I share a room with is his sibling. Any exposure is purely incidental.

I do talk to my therapist about other parts of it, enough to where she's starting to get a good idea of what the big picture looks like... albeit with a great big gaping trauma hole of data not found.

In complete honesty about that, i dont think you should be living with someone who has a lot of contact with him until you know you will be able to handle it most of the time

The best you can do is continue to tell her as much as you can until she sees the big picture. Little parts can be missing here and there as long as she can understand fully what you went through

[t o l e k s z i]

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You need to get away from him and anyone who associates themselves with him as much as possible or you will not heal, period.
The mind responds to trauma by fragmenting itself; you will gradually begin to cover up, suppress, or replace the traumatic memories with other false memories, but you've probably already been told that.
What I'm wondering is why there are people close to you that are still in contact with this person (who can somehow justifiably call your house late at night?) after knowing to some extent what he has caused? Do they not believe you? Have you not told them enough about it to where they understand that he is the cause of your PTSD, which is a very serious medical condition? Why are they still talking to this guy after what's happened?

Whether he's friend, family, or friend of the family, you need to cut him out, and if your family or the people you're close to can't understand that, then you need to tell them enough to where they can, and have them cut him out. If what he did was horrible enough but you're afraid to talk about it or tell the police, then you need to now. It's been three years and you're still not okay. There is nothing else you can do to work on yourself to make it 'okay.' He is a trigger, and you need him out, and the ones around you need to understand this. Tell the people around you and (preferably) the authorities, alienate him completely, and if he persists, file a restraining order, and if he persists with harassing you in any way, put his a** in jail. That's the only way I can personally see this getting any better.


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[XVNekioVX]

I have ptsd from two incidents.

Just breathe deep and meditate. I couldn't be in a car at night for years bc I was in a bad car accident.

[Petrograd]

I have PTSD from a work accident/injury in 2003.

You really need the calm and comfort you'll get from distancing yourself from your abuser. Is it in any way possible to move away your roommate that remains close to him?

Mental illnesses are poorly understood by the general public, many like to just 'bury their problems'. They hope it'll work on something as serious as PTSD. Well, it doesn't. My dad told me to 'just get over it' too. It's a very detrimental comment; my therapist advised me to reduce contact with my dad for a few years.

I did, and it made me feel better, but it also shows how terrible a comment it is when a therapist recommends you to cut out a part of your support system in the time of need.

I'm genuinely sorry you have to deal with PTSD; I wouldn't wish it on anyone. PTSD includes extreme levels of mental chaos and nightmares, especially the first years.

It's good to hear you've sought and found help. Don't worry about it taking time. Opening up to your therapist will help you heal faster.

There's a PTSD support thread on Gaia, you're very welcome to join us!

[New Vogue Child]

t o l e k s z i

~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
What I'm wondering is why there are people close to you that are still in contact with this person (who can somehow justifiably call your house late at night?) after knowing to some extent what he has caused? Do they not believe you?

~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

Petrograd

[...]your roommate that remains close to him?

It's not her fault, it's not even really ever focused on her. The night it got bad, she jumped in because she felt like her mom was in danger. The he came after her, and we had to go.
It's taken some work, but she's also convinced people to press charges. She hates him more than I have ever seen anyone hate anything ever in my life.

It's not a thing that happened directly to me.
If I hear his voice, it's because someone's trying to diffuse the situation.
If he does anything to anyone, he's going to jail or being institutionalized and that's that.

I'm not going to let him take my best friend away from me.

[New Vogue Child]

faretheewell

Has your therapist suggested EMDR? It is a therapy for PTSD that is less invasive and less re-triggering than talk therapy, according to some people I know who have tried it.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing

There's a lot I need treatment for, but right now we're trying DBT, which I personally feel is a really good fit for me. It's a more analytical look at what's going on, which really jives with how I process things.

I'll look up what you're talking about though, since I've never heard of it. I mean, you never know, maybe it can be of some use as well. Thanks.