Living with pain

[Lucidiity]

I've had chronic pain since I was 16, I'm now almost 22 (in a couple of weeks). That means seven years I've been through treatments and pain relief that has failed. It all started with doctors not believing me, they couldn't find anything. Then everything spiralled, I lost my confidence my friends who I thought were my friends went behind my back at college. The teacher pulled me to one side one day and said that they overheard a lot of talk about me, people thinking I'm faking my illness, that I'm doing it so I can get extensions on assignments and all that crap. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, anyways its moved to spending the last few years fighting doctors making them believe me. Long story short they finally did an MRI, found something to explain my pain but no cure. I have pain management therapy, I'm still a student and I've done a lot of research about pain and how to ease it or endure it. I have done just that. However, for days now I've experienced an overwhelming amount of exhaustion I could allow myself to sleep all day and still sleep all night. I'm not depressed, I take care of myself and I have a supportive partner. But this tiredness its like my body's saying 'no more pain, I can't handle it' my upper body strength is very weak, I'm exhausted from walking to the bathroom. I was wondering I'm pretty certain I haven't come down with a bug, but is it possible for chronic pain to drain you this much? in my last six years of having experienced this I haven't felt anything quite like this tiredness. I must admit, I am rather stressed, I have research to start but I have no energy to do it. emotion_zzz

[legnanellaf5]

It is possible for chronic pain to really make it hard to do things, and so I do suggest you go to your school and see what you can do. Maybe take on less classes a semester if you are really suffering? Take a semester off for medical leave? If it is getting to the point where you cant function, you need to put the health before the school.

Idk how you are in your therapy, but this is something you should bring up to them as it si a change.

[Lucidiity]

legnanellaf5

It is possible for chronic pain to really make it hard to do things, and so I do suggest you go to your school and see what you can do. Maybe take on less classes a semester if you are really suffering? Take a semester off for medical leave? If it is getting to the point where you cant function, you need to put the health before the school.

Idk how you are in your therapy, but this is something you should bring up to them as it si a change.

Hmmn.. well we call it university here in England we only have two semesters neither we can skip and we can't drop classes. We get set them and have to pass them. My grades are still good it's just meh I don't know I'm tired all the time. I don't have therapy for another 2 weeks or so, but I will bring it up with him..

[legnanellaf5]

x Drakaina

legnanellaf5

It is possible for chronic pain to really make it hard to do things, and so I do suggest you go to your school and see what you can do. Maybe take on less classes a semester if you are really suffering? Take a semester off for medical leave? If it is getting to the point where you cant function, you need to put the health before the school.

Idk how you are in your therapy, but this is something you should bring up to them as it si a change.

Hmmn.. well we call it university here in England we only have two semesters neither we can skip and we can't drop classes. We get set them and have to pass them. My grades are still good it's just meh I don't know I'm tired all the time. I don't have therapy for another 2 weeks or so, but I will bring it up with him..

They still should be able to work with you. As long as they understand your issues they should be willing to accomodate. Obviously extensions is one of the ways, but it should be also in being willing to figure out how to make this work for you. If you think you can pull through keep itup, but dont feel like you have to kill yourself over the work load if it gets really bad.

[Lucidiity]

legnanellaf5

x Drakaina

legnanellaf5

It is possible for chronic pain to really make it hard to do things, and so I do suggest you go to your school and see what you can do. Maybe take on less classes a semester if you are really suffering? Take a semester off for medical leave? If it is getting to the point where you cant function, you need to put the health before the school.

Idk how you are in your therapy, but this is something you should bring up to them as it si a change.

Hmmn.. well we call it university here in England we only have two semesters neither we can skip and we can't drop classes. We get set them and have to pass them. My grades are still good it's just meh I don't know I'm tired all the time. I don't have therapy for another 2 weeks or so, but I will bring it up with him..

They still should be able to work with you. As long as they understand your issues they should be willing to accomodate. Obviously extensions is one of the ways, but it should be also in being willing to figure out how to make this work for you. If you think you can pull through keep itup, but dont feel like you have to kill yourself over the work load if it gets really bad.

They have been supportive, eh its just hard to explain I make things worse sometimes by always trying to be ahead, but that's in preparation if I do have a flare I can afford to spend a couple of weeks resting. It's often worked and normally I have the strength and determination to do work. But I don't feel it at the moment, my only urge is to sleep. whee

[feverglow]

my friend is going through something incredibly similar!
after 2 years her doctors finally think she might have a "pinched nerve" or something//
maybe you guys have the same problem? sad

[Suicidal Dustbunny]

Chronic pain can definitely leave you feeling drained :/ just because it's not been like this before, doesn't mean the pain isn't behind it.


You mentioned being at a Uni in the UK, I know what's it's like trying to talk to them. I graduated last summer (god has it been that long? eek ) and in my 3rd year it was a constant battle to get them to recognise my mental health issues. I gave up in the end, and my work definitely suffered because of it.

If you really are struggling, do talk to them. Push the issue, and don't let them ignore you. The UK seems to have a real issue with taking illness seriously, especially illness that can't be seen very well, such as pain or fatigue. But you shouldn't give up.
Your therapist and doctors can help by writing letters and notes to your professors, so definitely bring it up with them. People in your position deserve all the support they can get, so if you need more help with assignments or research, definitely try and get it.

Don't make the mistake I did and give up, because it's always better to try, than to not bother.

I hope things are better for you soon though! emotion_hug

[Lucidiity]

Crazii Rose

my friend is going through something incredibly similar!
after 2 years her doctors finally think she might have a "pinched nerve" or something//
maybe you guys have the same problem? sad

I'm sorry to hear that your friend is going through the same thing. It can be an awful struggle. Basically I have disc bulges in my spine at several levels then those buldges and protrusions cause the nerves to get caught, so it is a similar thing when pressure is applied, like forward or backwards movements.

[Lucidiity]

Suicidal Dustbunny

Chronic pain can definitely leave you feeling drained :/ just because it's not been like this before, doesn't mean the pain isn't behind it.


You mentioned being at a Uni in the UK, I know what's it's like trying to talk to them. I graduated last summer (god has it been that long? eek ) and in my 3rd year it was a constant battle to get them to recognise my mental health issues. I gave up in the end, and my work definitely suffered because of it.

If you really are struggling, do talk to them. Push the issue, and don't let them ignore you. The UK seems to have a real issue with taking illness seriously, especially illness that can't be seen very well, such as pain or fatigue. But you shouldn't give up.
Your therapist and doctors can help by writing letters and notes to your professors, so definitely bring it up with them. People in your position deserve all the support they can get, so if you need more help with assignments or research, definitely try and get it.

Don't make the mistake I did and give up, because it's always better to try, than to not bother.

I hope things are better for you soon though! emotion_hug

I came to the realisation that my drowsiness might be a side effect from a new painkiller I started, so my doctor will call me to today to see if they can help. I'm sorry to hear that :/ I find it becomes so much harder to get support when you have an invisible illness, there is so much stigma attached to it and you waste half your energy getting people to believe you.

I think at the moment they have no choice to take it seriously as I've been missing at least one lecture every week for over 6 months during my first semester. They say they can support me and give me extensions but not on my dissertation and this is what worries me. That I should be doing work and research yet my body feels no anxiety it just wants to sleep, like a hibernation. Thank you I'm definately not going to give up as I don't think my grades would remain as high as they are without all the support I've recieved to make it possible.

[Trainer Aurora Rain]

I. Am. So. Sorry. Chronic pain is the worst. I do not have it but having to experience even a short and similar disabling situation was hell to me. I hope the advice I give will be of some use for you.

Try taking one thing at a time. I mean literally your only goal can be just getting out of bed. Nothing else. The more you dwell on priorities unless you're already in the action of solving them, they can tax you emotionally. Get dressed where you feel good to be ready for the day but not care about how you look like to others. Go without makeup if you haven't done so unless it is a good pampering ritual for you.

Another example to explain to people is everyone has resources. Let's say spoons are your energy and tolerance to pain, you get a random amount each day. Getting out of bed costs a spoon, brushing your teeth costs a spoon, and getting your cup of coffee, oh wait today that costs 3 spoons, sorry. You're already almost out of spoons and the day hasn't even begun yet. Welcome to my world.

Even though you don't look sick, your life like others are not a mathematical equation. You can't even budget your spoons from the unknown amount given and used. When you take spoons of tomorrow, there's an interest, so tomorrow you will have less spoons. If you have extra spoons left over, you might only be able to store 2 of the five spoons.

This teaching was from this http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com

I hope you get well okay least at a more manageable life that you can be more secured with. Good luck.

[Lucidiity]

Trainer Aurora Rain

I. Am. So. Sorry. Chronic pain is the worst. I do not have it but having to experience even a short and similar disabling situation was hell to me. I hope the advice I give will be of some use for you.

Try taking one thing at a time. I mean literally your only goal can be just getting out of bed. Nothing else. The more you dwell on priorities unless you're already in the action of solving them, they can tax you emotionally. Get dressed where you feel good to be ready for the day but not care about how you look like to others. Go without makeup if you haven't done so unless it is a good pampering ritual for you.

Another example to explain to people is everyone has resources. Let's say spoons are your energy and tolerance to pain, you get a random amount each day. Getting out of bed costs a spoon, brushing your teeth costs a spoon, and getting your cup of coffee, oh wait today that costs 3 spoons, sorry. You're already almost out of spoons and the day hasn't even begun yet. Welcome to my world.

Even though you don't look sick, your life like others are not a mathematical equation. You can't even budget your spoons from the unknown amount given and used. When you take spoons of tomorrow, there's an interest, so tomorrow you will have less spoons. If you have extra spoons left over, you might only be able to store 2 of the five spoons.

This teaching was from this http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com

I hope you get well okay least at a more manageable life that you can be more secured with. Good luck.

Thank you so much for the information at the moment I'm drowsy so I can't read as much as I would like. However, I have saved the theory and I've bookmarked the website to look at and read properly. My only goal I saw today was to gather food and water next to me and put on a dressing robe to attempt to warm myself up. I don't even currently see brushing my teeth in this state is possible. It's rather fustrating as some days I can do more than I could imagine and I'd take it for granted and sometimes do too much. Other days I'm lucky if I can reach the bathroom. It does emotionally drain me thinking about all the work that needs to be done, the problem with me is I don't break things down so I see all the work as a whole but my university have been doing their best to set me small manageable projects then slowly set more so I don't see it as 10,000 words of research. I have applied for further daily living support financially and emotionally, so I can only hope to keep trying. I wondered if you were comfortable to tell me a little bit about your disabling situation and how you coped?

[Trainer Aurora Rain]

x Drakaina

I'm glad you are getting more help and things organized for you! If you don't break things down now, things will break you down. Of course it will be a discipline to learn how to break things down habitually, so don't feel threatened by your flaws. It's just for motivated awareness that the fear of not getting everything done < actually getting things done by being kind to yourself.

Feel free to skim or read later. The story of my crippling part of my life runs deep with me despite leaving out the details.

I was going through a rough break up with my best friend and ex. My ex friend even intervene and stressed me so bad to the point I couldn't save my baby and had a miscarriage. She believe her fake pregnancy of 1 week was more important than me going to the doctor. Yet I could only blame myself for my naivety and choices I made. I have a belief that when I felt like I lost all of myself, not all the part of me dies. What's left over was what they couldn't take. My life, my love for them, my love for music, basically things I had before I knew them and could still do even if I wasn't as passionate or hopeful as before, I still had something. My stronger belief which was also my poison was finding silver linings. I thought i would have at least friends to support me, instead I lost and left all my mutual friends so they wouldn't be caught in the middle. Even I couldn't have my own parents support me and made things worse. I started to run out of support, sanity, and money.

It started getting tougher for me as I had to pay for two homes (my parents and my house) , two college tuition, my parents were sabotaging me getting a license, I was getting so dehydrated and malnourished, bronchitis, too sick to go to school or the doctor, feeling or being alienated, hated myself, stalked by my ex and ex friend who wouldn't stop contacting me I had to file a report on then but could not file a restraint since they only currently showed action in cyber harassment (thank my lucky stars they are just cowards), the people I tried dating again were trying to get back to me or missed me after breaking up with me but I was having none if that noise, other small disappointment from humanity and friends slathered on top of it, failing classes no matter how kind and supportive my teachers were. Eventually one of my teachers confided in me that I should take a break from school because he was in the same situation I was when he was in college.

I didn't dwell about how I lost people who I thought would be by my side even if the world was against me, I had absolute belief I would find love again and needed to work on myself for now. Except I was being robbed of everything. My parents were asking for more money despite me paying most of everything and working at a part time job while going to school. They were also bothering my land lord and breaking the rules.

I seriously thought I deserved to die from all the treatment I was getting despite being thankful for the lessons and little support I had. I couldn't snap out from feeling some sort of pity when I held my heart and body up. I began home hopping (because my parents didn't leave my house), drank alcohol (not much though, I was desperate to try coping methods other people used but it still taste awful in the midst of the desert called hell), and erasing traces of myself online. There was constantly things I over looked online that left an opening for my ex's to contact me.

How did I get over it? I waited. I waited for moments that were made just for me. I didn't live life blocked and hidden by camera lenses. I danced in the sun light while it somehow rained as if they were sun-kissed special delivery. I learned how to grieve without reminiscent. I did no contact with toxic people on my end. After 9 months people start to back off from me. I must have been that amazing if it took them that long to give up on me. And I kept it warm in my heart like a secret diary because others don't need to understand my adventures, mourning, and healing. They would only hurt me more when they couldn't acknowledge me despite understanding my situation.

I was going to bare scars as medals without having a sense of ego. We were born with nothing in the world and would end with nothing, so that lifted off a lot of burden trying to meet society's milestones and common sense.

I learn to be human. And no physical and mental illness, not even me, could take that away.

So even though your dying without being granted death, it is still a life. Any issues won't matter later anyways, so accumulating a lot of happiness, going with the flow, and treating sadness as lessons will open many doors for you. You start to say and take action to solve things, instead of wasting time explaining and understanding. Every terrible setback makes future setbacks of a lesser extent feel much formidable to deal with. It's only when you tally what you lost that makes it hard to continue.

The key to happiness is to be content, not happy. You can either be a student with all B's or have one A with the rest being C's.

[Lucidiity]

Trainer Aurora Rain

x Drakaina

I'm glad you are getting more help and things organized for you! If you don't break things down now, things will break you down. Of course it will be a discipline to learn how to break things down habitually, so don't feel threatened by your flaws. It's just for motivated awareness that the fear of not getting everything done < actually getting things done by being kind to yourself.

Feel free to skim or read later. The story of my crippling part of my life runs deep with me despite leaving out the details.

I was going through a rough break up with my best friend and ex. My ex friend even intervene and stressed me so bad to the point I couldn't save my baby and had a miscarriage. She believe her fake pregnancy of 1 week was more important than me going to the doctor. Yet I could only blame myself for my naivety and choices I made. I have a belief that when I felt like I lost all of myself, not all the part of me dies. What's left over was what they couldn't take. My life, my love for them, my love for music, basically things I had before I knew them and could still do even if I wasn't as passionate or hopeful as before, I still had something. My stronger belief which was also my poison was finding silver linings. I thought i would have at least friends to support me, instead I lost and left all my mutual friends so they wouldn't be caught in the middle. Even I couldn't have my own parents support me and made things worse. I started to run out of support, sanity, and money.

It started getting tougher for me as I had to pay for two homes (my parents and my house) , two college tuition, my parents were sabotaging me getting a license, I was getting so dehydrated and malnourished, bronchitis, too sick to go to school or the doctor, feeling or being alienated, hated myself, stalked by my ex and ex friend who wouldn't stop contacting me I had to file a report on then but could not file a restraint since they only currently showed action in cyber harassment (thank my lucky stars they are just cowards), the people I tried dating again were trying to get back to me or missed me after breaking up with me but I was having none if that noise, other small disappointment from humanity and friends slathered on top of it, failing classes no matter how kind and supportive my teachers were. Eventually one of my teachers confided in me that I should take a break from school because he was in the same situation I was when he was in college.

I didn't dwell about how I lost people who I thought would be by my side even if the world was against me, I had absolute belief I would find love again and needed to work on myself for now. Except I was being robbed of everything. My parents were asking for more money despite me paying most of everything and working at a part time job while going to school. They were also bothering my land lord and breaking the rules.

I seriously thought I deserved to die from all the treatment I was getting despite being thankful for the lessons and little support I had. I couldn't snap out from feeling some sort of pity when I held my heart and body up. I began home hopping (because my parents didn't leave my house), drank alcohol (not much though, I was desperate to try coping methods other people used but it still taste awful in the midst of the desert called hell), and erasing traces of myself online. There was constantly things I over looked online that left an opening for my ex's to contact me.

How did I get over it? I waited. I waited for moments that were made just for me. I didn't live life blocked and hidden by camera lenses. I danced in the sun light while it somehow rained as if they were sun-kissed special delivery. I learned how to grieve without reminiscent. I did no contact with toxic people on my end. After 9 months people start to back off from me. I must have been that amazing if it took them that long to give up on me. And I kept it warm in my heart like a secret diary because others don't need to understand my adventures, mourning, and healing. They would only hurt me more when they couldn't acknowledge me despite understanding my situation.

I was going to bare scars as medals without having a sense of ego. We were born with nothing in the world and would end with nothing, so that lifted off a lot of burden trying to meet society's milestones and common sense.

I learn to be human. And no physical and mental illness, not even me, could take that away.

So even though your dying without being granted death, it is still a life. Any issues won't matter later anyways, so accumulating a lot of happiness, going with the flow, and treating sadness as lessons will open many doors for you. You start to say and take action to solve things, instead of wasting time explaining and understanding. Every terrible setback makes future setbacks of a lesser extent feel much formidable to deal with. It's only when you tally what you lost that makes it hard to continue.

The key to happiness is to be content, not happy. You can either be a student with all B's or have one A with the rest being C's.

That is very true! I need to break things down as I can feel them trying to break me but I'm too stubborn for that. That is so true, I've learnt more from you than I have from most of my doctors. Would you like to be friends?

I'm slowly replying to this by seeing a copy of your writing, so I read a little then type my response to it. I hope it doesn't appear jumbled to you. That's so horrible.. I'm really sorry for your loss I cannot imagine how painful that must have been for you. It also sounds very traumatic and I don't want to give you sympathy but empathy trying to understand how that must have felt.. you shouldn't blame yourself for what happened. It sounds like you were responsible for so much yet no one was there to take care of you whilst all of these things were going on. I get the sense you were pushing everyone away as a way to protect them, either that or it was your defense mechanism because you didn't want to get hurt again. I know what it is like to be stalked by your ex, urgh its horrible. I could tell you a thing or two that happened to me in a pm! these sicko's out there are intent on breaking good people down. But as you say your time must have been to find yourself, start a new. Your parents really shock me, they weren't helping you in any way.. just adding to your confusion and stress. That must have been the last thing you needed.. but it sounds like having experienced that you've grown and matured beyond your years and found a way to be content. I hope that I can say, you know what despite all this crap, I'm still happy, I'm content, I may be in pain but that pain does not define who I am. It does not mean that I have to live my life setting low expectations, just more manageable ones.

[Trainer Aurora Rain]

x Drakaina

Friendship accepted! Just a heads up I randomly hiatus due to my lifestyle and currently terrible time management.

Stubbornness is a good trait to have in the sense of perseverance. However in this case, it's not balanced well enough to be perseverance rather than obsession to finish what you desire. Perhaps perfectionism, fear of loss, fear of failing again? Those are just thoughts I'm throwing out, not an observation. Perhaps your innate ability to be stubborn could lessen by forgiving yourself of past failures from others and yourself. To forgive yourself if you mess up whether or not you are stubborn. It's not to focus on being right, but being humble about you will mess up and get hurt. Maybe then it'll bring clarity of better methods that you can do that isn't emotionally taxing and get defensive/doubtful about said method.

There is most likely another underlining issue you are believing that you must perform in your set of ways instead of spanning out your goals, so you might want to meditate on that.

Doctor's are to follow by the book like the diagnosis is a form of formula to math. They are responsible of your health, not solutions, and are not always well diverse to be socially qualified or have enough life experience to communicate with their patient well. They could also get in trouble giving advice that they are not experienced in because they are your trusted doctor, not a peer or therapist.

It was an overwhelming time, but I learn a lot from it! I didn't hate my ex bf or ex friend, but I was really sad and disappointed in them. I knew the guilt and karma will haunt them for the rest of their lives, but they wouldn't kill themselves from it at least.

In a way, my life had to suffer to really take off my rose-colored glasses (although I am a pessimist) and accept reality. My life sucked, my parents though kind, were not great or supportive parents, there are people who are very malicious but knows how to not get their hand dirty or can make you fully write them off as a terrible being. There's good in everyone, but there is also bad. It forced me not to be bias and face my own grief.

I'm now very happy and getting my dream life. The slight trauma is abandonment so I am holding off the wedding, but I know I'll get over the irrational fear soon. Healing is very arbitrary and this one has been the longest. I made a deadline that after I purchase my house, I will have to plan for a wedding because my fiance keeps re-proposing me and trying to woo me into one. He's even willing to go to my hometown for it. Good news make me get cold feet ha ha. At least I'm not dipping in poisonous waters anymore.

My stalkers weren't trying to break me down, though, I think. More like they really liked me, worried that they caused me to suicide thus bloodying their hands (for selfish or unselfish reasons), it was fun to creep, jealousy, curiosity, guilt.. I mean even bad people are stalked without malicious intent. The outcome is still pretty awful and I don't want anyone to experience it. My mutual friends did to my ex friend and that's one of the reasons I played the bad guy and disconnected with them all so she didn't have to suffer. Yet still through the grapevines she was still suffering and people didn't believe her even though I tried to back up her story before I left. I pushed people away to protect her and myself. I can easily purge people, but it doesn't mean I don't think them from time to time.

I don't think I matured beyond my years, but I definitely matured from it. I'm 25 now ha ha. I was mature for my age in high school but very naive in the aspect of life and socializing. I became less naive and there's always room to grow, but I seem to have stopped where I left off after high school in progressing personality wise. I'm more open, experienced, and sturdy, but I'm still a gullible adult with etiquette and consideration issues! Those aren't even that bad at all since they are still in the realm that I can make choices and take responsibility for to change myself.

There's a saying goes to really understand how the power of words can affect you. It's not good to say "I am in pain." You are a separate entity of that description. It's "I have pain, but I also have toenails!" The word pain can be replaced with fat, depression, bad fashion taste. It's much lighter on one's mind and heart with that explanation to yourself and others if that helps!

[Lucidiity]

Trainer Aurora Rain

x Drakaina

Friendship accepted! Just a heads up I randomly hiatus due to my lifestyle and currently terrible time management.

Stubbornness is a good trait to have in the sense of perseverance. However in this case, it's not balanced well enough to be perseverance rather than obsession to finish what you desire. Perhaps perfectionism, fear of loss, fear of failing again? Those are just thoughts I'm throwing out, not an observation. Perhaps your innate ability to be stubborn could lessen by forgiving yourself of past failures from others and yourself. To forgive yourself if you mess up whether or not you are stubborn. It's not to focus on being right, but being humble about you will mess up and get hurt. Maybe then it'll bring clarity of better methods that you can do that isn't emotionally taxing and get defensive/doubtful about said method.

There is most likely another underlining issue you are believing that you must perform in your set of ways instead of spanning out your goals, so you might want to meditate on that.

Doctor's are to follow by the book like the diagnosis is a form of formula to math. They are responsible of your health, not solutions, and are not always well diverse to be socially qualified or have enough life experience to communicate with their patient well. They could also get in trouble giving advice that they are not experienced in because they are your trusted doctor, not a peer or therapist.

It was an overwhelming time, but I learn a lot from it! I didn't hate my ex bf or ex friend, but I was really sad and disappointed in them. I knew the guilt and karma will haunt them for the rest of their lives, but they wouldn't kill themselves from it at least.

In a way, my life had to suffer to really take off my rose-colored glasses (although I am a pessimist) and accept reality. My life sucked, my parents though kind, were not great or supportive parents, there are people who are very malicious but knows how to not get their hand dirty or can make you fully write them off as a terrible being. There's good in everyone, but there is also bad. It forced me not to be bias and face my own grief.

I'm now very happy and getting my dream life. The slight trauma is abandonment so I am holding off the wedding, but I know I'll get over the irrational fear soon. Healing is very arbitrary and this one has been the longest. I made a deadline that after I purchase my house, I will have to plan for a wedding because my fiance keeps re-proposing me and trying to woo me into one. He's even willing to go to my hometown for it. Good news make me get cold feet ha ha. At least I'm not dipping in poisonous waters anymore.

My stalkers weren't trying to break me down, though, I think. More like they really liked me, worried that they caused me to suicide thus bloodying their hands (for selfish or unselfish reasons), it was fun to creep, jealousy, curiosity, guilt.. I mean even bad people are stalked without malicious intent. The outcome is still pretty awful and I don't want anyone to experience it. My mutual friends did to my ex friend and that's one of the reasons I played the bad guy and disconnected with them all so she didn't have to suffer. Yet still through the grapevines she was still suffering and people didn't believe her even though I tried to back up her story before I left. I pushed people away to protect her and myself. I can easily purge people, but it doesn't mean I don't think them from time to time.

I don't think I matured beyond my years, but I definitely matured from it. I'm 25 now ha ha. I was mature for my age in high school but very naive in the aspect of life and socializing. I became less naive and there's always room to grow, but I seem to have stopped where I left off after high school in progressing personality wise. I'm more open, experienced, and sturdy, but I'm still a gullible adult with etiquette and consideration issues! Those aren't even that bad at all since they are still in the realm that I can make choices and take responsibility for to change myself.

There's a saying goes to really understand how the power of words can affect you. It's not good to say "I am in pain." You are a separate entity of that description. It's "I have pain, but I also have toenails!" The word pain can be replaced with fat, depression, bad fashion taste. It's much lighter on one's mind and heart with that explanation to yourself and others if that helps!

I'll pm you my response 3nodding