is there something wrong with me?

[crystxl]

i've been reading several threads before deciding to post
and i'm really encouraged(?) that i'm not the only one who really hates being
touched physically when I really don't want to be.

I know it may all sound like a seventeen year old girl's childish problems,
but i really hope that if you're willing to aid me in understanding myself better
that you would not think that my problem is insignificant because
it plays a big part in my life now.

i would like to ask of you to be nice and tactful with your comments,
because i'm actually really nervous about seeking public opinion.
sorry if my words didnt come out right, because im not all that good
in expressing my emotions in words.
( ive actually retyped this several times >< )

ive been attached for over a year now with a really nice guy.
but we got attached only because he's been interested in me
and because he 'rescued' me when i was in a difficult position.

at first, i didn't have much feelings, but of course feelings can
grow in time.
however, when i started school and he quit school to work full-time,
we drifted and i found myself really fantasizing about the lifestyle
that i used to have.
hanging out with friends till whenever and i know it sounds terrible,
but i wanted to experience the 'heart-throbbing' feeling of
seeing someone that i find attractive again.

i just want you to know that ive been faithful
and you could say that its the fear of losing something
so familiar in my life and also the fear that
he would be completely devastated.
and also the fear of never getting someone who would
love me as much as he would.
that's why i never thought about leaving this relationship behind.

but i just wanted to know, is it wrong to fantasize about what
kids my age could/should be doing?
am i making the right decision of possibly spending the rest
of my life with someone who gives me security but not that kind of
'falling in love again and again' kind of feeling?

[violette lumineux]

From my understanding many people take security over real, true, madly, deeply love.

I couldn't live like that, but it's up to you.

In terms of love you'll never be as happy as you could be. But if you value security over love [and as long as you DO love him], then you can do as you please.

But I will tell you, even if it takes a long time, real and true love WITH security is out there.

[Madame No]

I got married when I was 20 (I'm currently 24).

I will say that it's completely normal to feel like you might be missing out on something when you're in a long-term relationship, especially when younger. It doesn't make you a bad person to think about it from time to time, but if you're constantly daydreaming about how life could be in a different relationship or single, it might be time to move on. If you love your boyfriend but aren't "in love" with him, you should probably seriously consider either taking a break or leaving the relationship.

I will put out there that, in any relationship, eventually the time comes where your heart doesn't starting beating quickly or feel super excited every time your boyfriend looks at you or touches you. That doesn't mean it should never happen, though. I'm still attracted to my husband, completely, and he makes me so happy and comfortable alongside all the other fun, exciting stuff. A good relationship (in my opinion) should have all those components.

But I wouldn't waste my time in a relationship where it's just comfortable. A girl needs more than that, and if you aren't getting it, I don't think your boyfriend would be happy to know that. If he really loves you, he wants you to be happy... and it doesn't sound like you really are.

[SpunkyStrikesAgain]

It's not uncommon to wonder what else is out there, especially when you're young. That's why I dont' believe in long-term steady relationships at a young age (I'm not saying it's not possible, but I know for me I wouldn't be happy in a one-person long-tearm relationship. That's why I go for open or polyamourus relationships, cuz that way I don't feel like I'm missing out and feel free to explore all my options). I think if you settle down at a young age you ARE missing out on a lot. But that's just my opinion. if you are constantly thinking about being single or being in a different relationship/being with someone else, then it may be time to call it quits. But I know a lot of people "settle" for a relationship of convienience rather than one of crazy, sloppy, I'm retarded over you, love because that's simply the easy thing to do. It's up to you what you chose tho. These are just my two cents.

[legnanellaf5]

It sounds like you are in a rut and you need to leave. You shouldnt be with a guy just because he 'saved' you. And if you arent okay with being with only that one person and settling down..then dont. Especially when you are clinging to this guy instead of learning to be independent and okay with yourself, being in a long term relationship too early can do a lot of harm to you.