Single Parent Support Thread

[Knitsy]

Soraanki

@ everyone::
Thanks for the greetings...

He is just...way to immature for his own good. He doesn't think about the baby...just about himself. It is really starting to get on my nerves. He thinks just because the baby is going to be here, that he should get back together with me to be a 'family'.

See I went through my parents divorcing twice, and I still think that both of my parents are fantastic. He doesn't think without a man, woman, and child, that a family life is possible.

What he doesn't get, is that if he doesn't cooperate with me, and realize that we live in a mommy-friendly state...and that with everything that he has given me that I could use in court...he could only be set on once a week visitation on MY time. But you know...I don't even know if he cares about the babys well being, when really that is ALL I have been caring about.

My ex was like that. He treated me like garbage because he thought I would never think of leaving him, just because we had a family. He grew up with parents that pretty much hated each other, but who stayed together for the kids - now all their kids are grown and they are still together and they still hate each other. My parents were divorced when I was young, and I always saw the importance of your kids seeing you HAPPY rather than together the "right" way.

[Violets In The Rain]

I posted a long a** message here yesterday and it seems to have disappeared? I know Penni had the same issue a while back... its wierd :/.
Anyway ill do a shortened version.

@Kayla - For the same reasons Lena listed, its why i'm a skeptical also.
Talking to a stranger about my problems would cause me to lose sleep at night and put my anxiety through the roof. I'm not faithful in their confidentiality rule. Its the same rule for your doctor, and i'd never tell him anything. I've seen policemen talk to their friends about cases, which they arn't allowed to do, therapists probably do the same.

And, I go to uni with a girl with cerebal palsy who studies counselling psychology. Makes me think that they've been through stuff I couldn't imagine. Which makes me feel damn pathetic and whingy. I know thats there job, but to me it still isn't okay, i'm not comfortable with that.

Like Lena said, it works for some, but not for all. I'd rather take medication, but my free prescriptions is out so I can't afford to keep refilling the prescription. I need to apply again.

@Lena - I really can't open up like that. I'm very protective of myself because of how ive been treated all my life. I might write it all down and have him read it infront of me, but I think I might need medication to stable my mindset before I can do that.

What makes all this worse? I think my periods have come back again and i'm getting toothache, but my free dental is out now too. Great.

[Knitsy]

Ciara Bunny

I posted a long a** message here yesterday and it seems to have disappeared? I know Penni had the same issue a while back... its wierd :/.
Anyway ill do a shortened version.

@Kayla - For the same reasons Lena listed, its why i'm a skeptical also.
Talking to a stranger about my problems would cause me to lose sleep at night and put my anxiety through the roof. I'm not faithful in their confidentiality rule. Its the same rule for your doctor, and i'd never tell him anything. I've seen policemen talk to their friends about cases, which they arn't allowed to do, therapists probably do the same.

And, I go to uni with a girl with cerebal palsy who studies counselling psychology. Makes me think that they've been through stuff I couldn't imagine. Which makes me feel damn pathetic and whingy. I know thats there job, but to me it still isn't okay, i'm not comfortable with that.

Like Lena said, it works for some, but not for all. I'd rather take medication, but my free prescriptions is out so I can't afford to keep refilling the prescription. I need to apply again.

@Lena - I really can't open up like that. I'm very protective of myself because of how ive been treated all my life. I might write it all down and have him read it infront of me, but I think I might need medication to stable my mindset before I can do that.

What makes all this worse? I think my periods have come back again and i'm getting toothache, but my free dental is out now too. Great.

Fair. I've known people who've gone to counselling for what seemed like nothing...and I mean, even my problems can seem like nothing compared to others. They've seen everything, though. And one thing I was told ages ago, before I ever even went, was that if you just don't click well with the person you've ended up with, you can always go find someone better to talk to. I got lucky with my counsellor - she and I actually had a lot in common, and while she couldn't relate to my specific problems, she also had a son just a little older than Aden, and she could imagine what I needed help with.

I won't pressure you, though - if you're not comfortable with the idea, you're not comfortable.

[Violets In The Rain]

PetitChat

Fair. I've known people who've gone to counselling for what seemed like nothing...and I mean, even my problems can seem like nothing compared to others. They've seen everything, though. And one thing I was told ages ago, before I ever even went, was that if you just don't click well with the person you've ended up with, you can always go find someone better to talk to. I got lucky with my counsellor - she and I actually had a lot in common, and while she couldn't relate to my specific problems, she also had a son just a little older than Aden, and she could imagine what I needed help with.

I won't pressure you, though - if you're not comfortable with the idea, you're not comfortable.

Expierenced therapists, yes. What about if I got that girl with cerebral palsy fresh out of uni? She'd probably want to slap me silly. This is what i mean by paranoid, I know its really sad, lol.

I can see how it works. Sometimes people want to be able to talk to someone and that can make you feel so much better. It would make me feel better, but my personality and distrust of everyone makes it really hard to do that. That, and even if i felt like i could, I would worry that the therapist gets social services involved because of something I said, or something they misinterpeted. That defeats the point of therapy, i'd have to think really hard about what i was saying, so it wouldn't be open and free at all.
The medication and personalised support for other things seems to be the route for me.
I think when I start university again it will help me too, give me something to distract me, and its something I do really well which makes me happy.

[Knitsy]

Ciara Bunny

PetitChat

Fair. I've known people who've gone to counselling for what seemed like nothing...and I mean, even my problems can seem like nothing compared to others. They've seen everything, though. And one thing I was told ages ago, before I ever even went, was that if you just don't click well with the person you've ended up with, you can always go find someone better to talk to. I got lucky with my counsellor - she and I actually had a lot in common, and while she couldn't relate to my specific problems, she also had a son just a little older than Aden, and she could imagine what I needed help with.

I won't pressure you, though - if you're not comfortable with the idea, you're not comfortable.

Expierenced therapists, yes. What about if I got that girl with cerebral palsy fresh out of uni? She'd probably want to slap me silly. This is what i mean by paranoid, I know its really sad, lol.

I can see how it works. Sometimes people want to be able to talk to someone and that can make you feel so much better. It would make me feel better, but my personality and distrust of everyone makes it really hard to do that. That, and even if i felt like i could, I would worry that the therapist gets social services involved because of something I said, or something they misinterpeted. That defeats the point of therapy, i'd have to think really hard about what i was saying, so it wouldn't be open and free at all.
The medication and personalised support for other things seems to be the route for me.
I think when I start university again it will help me too, give me something to distract me, and its something I do really well which makes me happy.

That's why I had a hard time comprehending it at first myself - I had such a hard time trusting people after everything that had been done to me that led up to needing counselling, I was worried I would just get told a bunch of bullshit that didn't actually help me, and I would be in the same position I was in beforehand. That wasn't how it went at all, though - but again, I think I got lucky having a counsellor who could sort of understand some of my struggles on a more personal level.

If you did decide to go, you could probably request someone with more experience.

[Violets In The Rain]

PetitChat

That's why I had a hard time comprehending it at first myself - I had such a hard time trusting people after everything that had been done to me that led up to needing counselling, I was worried I would just get told a bunch of bullshit that didn't actually help me, and I would be in the same position I was in beforehand. That wasn't how it went at all, though - but again, I think I got lucky having a counsellor who could sort of understand some of my struggles on a more personal level.

If you did decide to go, you could probably request someone with more experience.

Where I am, the NHS care here is horrible so i'll just have to have what I have. Its been the same with every other medical professional. And if I don't like him/her ill just have to lump it or quit.
I tend to have to travel distances to recieve care too, which would just give me more excuses not to go if I feel really shitty one day.
I'm sure it makes a difference if that person can relate to you that way, makes them seem more approachable and friendly. I use to get that when I was involved in a domestic abuse and rape centre. I'd been on both sides of it, recieving help and then giving help later on, because either way you are surrounded by people who can relate to your circumstances.

I'll just stick with the medication and personalised support for other things that tend to rear their ugly head when I get upset.
Things are looking better already, regardless of the outcome of our relationship.

[Knitsy]

Ciara Bunny

PetitChat

That's why I had a hard time comprehending it at first myself - I had such a hard time trusting people after everything that had been done to me that led up to needing counselling, I was worried I would just get told a bunch of bullshit that didn't actually help me, and I would be in the same position I was in beforehand. That wasn't how it went at all, though - but again, I think I got lucky having a counsellor who could sort of understand some of my struggles on a more personal level.

If you did decide to go, you could probably request someone with more experience.

Where I am, the NHS care here is horrible so i'll just have to have what I have. Its been the same with every other medical professional. And if I don't like him/her ill just have to lump it or quit.
I tend to have to travel distances to recieve care too, which would just give me more excuses not to go if I feel really shitty one day.
I'm sure it makes a difference if that person can relate to you that way, makes them seem more approachable and friendly. I use to get that when I was involved in a domestic abuse and rape centre. I'd been on both sides of it, recieving help and then giving help later on, because either way you are surrounded by people who can relate to your circumstances.

I'll just stick with the medication and personalised support for other things that tend to rear their ugly head when I get upset.
Things are looking better already, regardless of the outcome of our relationship.

That's good. I mean...professionals or not, we're here for you at the very least. smile

[Knitsy]

Ugh finally I have a day off! I just wish I didn't have to spend it at my dad's house. I have such an aversion to going there now.

[Soraanki]

I feel like I'm going to rip out my hair. I'm working 20 hours a week and 4 college classes, plus the tiredness of pregnancy...I am just mentally drained. Like-completely mentally drained.

Michael texted me and asked why I was angry at him-we had a huge fight, which ended up with me telling him that he was abusive, and mentally abusive...and he tried to turn it around saying 'well think about what I'm going through right now...your WHOLE family'

...no. Just...NO! You controling me and being abusive and me not standing for it anymore is not revolving around my family. He just WONT grow up...and stop blaming my family for our problems. My parents and everyone was right, he is an abusive-manipulating a*****e...

but I digress, I had class yesterday, and now, on my day off from class day when I have s**t to do, my group decides they are not even going to ask me before they plan a meeting. No, I didn't tell them I was pregnant, but...still, must you be so pushy as to do something that works for YOU without asking anybody else their opinion...not all of us are carefree college students who live on campus you know.../rant

[xO_LenaRalene]

@Soraanki ; I'm sorry you're going through all this nonsense. If I were you I would take some "me time" & focus solely on what is best for not only your child, but you as well. If the father wants to control you, you have to show him there's no way it's going to happen. Do what's necessary to prove to him that you're capable of controlling yourself & making choices that are responsible given the situation you're in. I've been in a controlling/verbally & mentally abusive relationship. Fortunately for me, he's not my child's father. But I had to stand my ground & tell him it's not happening any longer. It's a rough situation to be in since he is your child's father & I'm sure he's capable of being a better person & you believe that. But take some "me time" away from him and figure out a way that works for you to get past his controlling ways.

[Knitsy]

Soraanki

I feel like I'm going to rip out my hair. I'm working 20 hours a week and 4 college classes, plus the tiredness of pregnancy...I am just mentally drained. Like-completely mentally drained.

Michael texted me and asked why I was angry at him-we had a huge fight, which ended up with me telling him that he was abusive, and mentally abusive...and he tried to turn it around saying 'well think about what I'm going through right now...your WHOLE family'

...no. Just...NO! You controling me and being abusive and me not standing for it anymore is not revolving around my family. He just WONT grow up...and stop blaming my family for our problems. My parents and everyone was right, he is an abusive-manipulating a*****e...

but I digress, I had class yesterday, and now, on my day off from class day when I have s**t to do, my group decides they are not even going to ask me before they plan a meeting. No, I didn't tell them I was pregnant, but...still, must you be so pushy as to do something that works for YOU without asking anybody else their opinion...not all of us are carefree college students who live on campus you know.../rant

Sounds like everything is just coming down on you all at once... I'm sorry, that's always tough. Tyler and I spent yesterday fighting as well, and it was probably the worst fight we've gone through yet. It's not okay that he blames you for all HIS problems either...that's only going to make you feel worse. Don't let him make you feel that way.

[Knitsy]

We're getting a cat this weekend! Aden's dad has been asking me for MONTHS if we can take Aden's cat, Hailstorm, and Tyler just kept refusing...which, frankly, broke my heart. He wanted to get a new cat that's ours...and I understand that, but he seems to forget sometimes that Aden is my priority and I want to make him happy above all else. That's why I wanted Aden's cat - so he wouldn't be sad that his dad couldn't keep her anymore. He's reluctantly given in, at the promise that I wouldn't put the entire financial burden (food, litter, etc) on him - I never had any intention of doing that...so we get to do this! I'm pretty excited. smile

[Violets In The Rain]

PetitChat

That's good. I mean...professionals or not, we're here for you at the very least. smile

Thanks.

Things are okay here, I guess. It did get a bit hairy and I was so close to leaving, silly things were said on both sides and it just got out of control.
But now its alot more calmer which is better for the kids. I've had more time for myself for a change to just... relax. I've not had them for I say well over a year.
Me and Adam are talking and getting our relationship back on track slowly. I don't know ive forgiven him yet, all I know is that I love him and without him me and the kids would both be screwed. So, for the sake of the kids (who were all terrified that they'd lose another father figure) ive decided to stick at it. However, if anything else happens, i'm gone. My jealous, paranoid and insecure self would not be able to cope with it.

I'm happier in myself but it has shook my confidence sideways. And all I seem to get is 'Pfft' comments because i'm an ex model and they think we are immune to this type of s**t.


Congrats on getting a cat too Kayla. I'd fill my house with 100 cats if i could. However I have three and Adam thinks thats enough, with the dog as well.

[Knitsy]

Ciara Bunny

PetitChat

That's good. I mean...professionals or not, we're here for you at the very least. smile

Thanks.

Things are okay here, I guess. It did get a bit hairy and I was so close to leaving, silly things were said on both sides and it just got out of control.
But now its alot more calmer which is better for the kids. I've had more time for myself for a change to just... relax. I've not had them for I say well over a year.
Me and Adam are talking and getting our relationship back on track slowly. I don't know ive forgiven him yet, all I know is that I love him and without him me and the kids would both be screwed. So, for the sake of the kids (who were all terrified that they'd lose another father figure) ive decided to stick at it. However, if anything else happens, i'm gone. My jealous, paranoid and insecure self would not be able to cope with it.

I'm happier in myself but it has shook my confidence sideways. And all I seem to get is 'Pfft' comments because i'm an ex model and they think we are immune to this type of s**t.


Congrats on getting a cat too Kayla. I'd fill my house with 100 cats if i could. However I have three and Adam thinks thats enough, with the dog as well.

I think something like that would affect ANYONE'S confidence...ex-model or not. I'm glad you're working on it. I think that is the best choice for all of you. smile Good luck!

[Knitsy]

Tyler is in LOVE with Hailstorm! Like...absolutely loves her. She is such a good little kitty! She spent the first night exploring the apartment, and spent the entire next day hiding - we were worried because she didn't eat, drink, or use the litter box for a good 24 hours. Finally yesterday we woke up to see that she had nibbled at her food a bit and probably drank, because the litter box was used - yay! Last night she really came out of her shell and she was running around and playing with us, and we found out she'll come when you make kissy noises and Tyler already has her trained to come when she hears her back of treats shaking - she came out of her favorite hiding spot, under the chair, this morning when he did that. She's back there now, but she just likes to sleep during the day.