I had just got home from work, and decided to blaze. My neighbor was over a few nights ago and brought his 2 foot bong, but I asked if I could borrow it and being the awesome neighbor that he is, he obliged.
I smoke outside usually because I don't like stinking up my room, but usually I'm smoking a spliff. I figured "what the hell" and brought the bong out on my front porch and began toking. My street isn't really that busy, I might only see 10 cars drive by within 2 minutes, so I figured my odds were okay. The only possible issue I might run into is that I live a stone's throw away from my town's police department. But the building is facing the opposite direction, so that means they can't see me.
Well, at least that's what I thought, but I guess I was wrong, because within 5 minutes of sitting on the porch hitting the 2-footer, a police cruiser rolls up to my front porch. He got out of the car and approached me. I was basically screwed. It was too late to hide the evidence. He says "watch'ya got there?" I wasn't going to admit to anything so I said "its a lamp". He says, "I've never seen a lamp that looked like that before. Where's the lightbulb?"
"It's a modern design." I replied. "It uses a flame." I don't think he was buying it. "If it uses a flame, that doesn't sound modern at all. Are you being ******** wise with me? Do you think I'm an idiot?" To which I replied "Do you want me to answer that?"
He looked really pissed and started walking up my porch steps. I told him he had no right to be on my porch, but he told me to put my hands against the door. I really didn't want to be arrested, so I thought fast. I lifted up the bong, and swung it at his head, shattering the bong. His head started bleeding and he was rolling on the ground dying or whatever. I got really worried because my friend spent like $200 on the bong and I knew he was going to be pissed that I broke it.
I guess a few neighbors were watching and had called 911, and the cop had also called for backup on his radio. I kinda felt bad about hitting the cop (even though he's a pig), so I went and got him a glass of water and a a few bandaids, but he was unconscious. I tried cleaning up some of the blood before the other cops got there so it wouldn't look so bad. Then it dawned on me that I could do hard time for this s**t no matter what. I started panicking.
I guess the cop was only temporarily knocked out, because he woke up within a few minutes and was sort of like "what the ********..." He reached for his gun, but I told him I was sorry and offered him a beer. The gash on his head wasn't really that bad, it just seemed bad from all the blood. I offered to wrap his head up with an ace bandage. He got on the radio and called off the backup squad. We had a few beers and chatted for a while, he told me about a messy divorce he was going through and apologized for the way he acted when he approached me. I suggested that I smoke him out, and he jokingly said "I guess we can't use the bong!" and laughed heartily. I rolled a spliff and we smoked it while talking some more. He told me that he had always wanted to be an actor, but he needed a job to pay the bills and this was the only job he really qualified for, I told him he should pursue his passion and move to hollywood. And you know what? That's exactly what he did. And this didn't happen today, it happened over a decade ago. You might know this guy. His name was George Clooney.
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