Beautiful words from the Christian Bible

[freelance lover]

Zheng Jiaying

freelance lover

xChibi Cannibalx

"Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There, she lusted after her lovers' whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of a horse."

IS THIS A REAL VERSE
THIS CANT BE A REAL VERSE
IM DIEING HERE

EDIT: "Then because of the dire straits to which you will be reduced when your enemy besieges you, you will eat your own children, the flesh of your sons and daughters whom the Lord has given you."

What book is that from? I'm assuming the first portion is an allusion to slavery in Egypt in Exodus. The second is probably another "you dun ******** up" which is basically the whole OT. The Israelites beg God for good things, and he tells them not to do the thing, then they do the thing and incur his wrath.

The most important thing to me about approaching scripture is that each book has a different author, writing from a different place and time, with a different agenda to push. Depending on some translations, the language and stuff can seem weird, but it's an old text, so it would be different.

My personal favorite WTF Bible verse is the story of Jesus withering the fig tree. It's a weird a** story because it states in the text that it's not fig season, but Jesus still gets piss that the fig tree has no fruit and kills it. We talked about that story when I took a Gospels and Acts class, and the best answer to why he did the was "******** if I know."

Each book doesn't have a different author. Romans, 1st Corinthians, 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, 1st Thessalonians, 2nd Thessalonians, 1st Timothy, 2nd Timothy, Titus, and Philemon were all written by the apostle Paul. If you're going to try and bash the Bible, at least know what you're talking about. LOL

Well, obviously the Pauline letters are all by Paul (though it's worth mentioning that several that are attributed to Paul are widely accepted as not actually being written by him and just using his name, and a few are disputed). But even within Paul's letters, he's writing to different early churches with different issues and in different places, which is part of the reason his theology sometimes seems contradictory from book to book. You can't read the Bible as one book is my point- Paul's letters are literally reading his mail to various churches, there are poems, stories, histories, revelations. They're from different time periods, places, people with different social locations. That's my point.

I also don't understand why you think I'm bashing the Bible? It straight up says in my sig that I'm a Christian and I never said anything bashing the Bible. I actually minored in religion in college because I find the Bible fascinating and deeply interesting. I call the story of Jesus and the fig tree a WTF story because its weird as hell. None of the Bible commentaries I read ever had a satisfying answer for why Jesus was mad about a fig tree not bearing fruit when it wasn't fig season.

[freelance lover]

xChibi Cannibalx

freelance lover

xChibi Cannibalx

"Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There, she lusted after her lovers' whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of a horse."

IS THIS A REAL VERSE
THIS CANT BE A REAL VERSE
IM DIEING HERE

EDIT: "Then because of the dire straits to which you will be reduced when your enemy besieges you, you will eat your own children, the flesh of your sons and daughters whom the Lord has given you."

What book is that from? I'm assuming the first portion is an allusion to slavery in Egypt in Exodus. The second is probably another "you dun ******** up" which is basically the whole OT. The Israelites beg God for good things, and he tells them not to do the thing, then they do the thing and incur his wrath.

The most important thing to me about approaching scripture is that each book has a different author, writing from a different place and time, with a different agenda to push. Depending on some translations, the language and stuff can seem weird, but it's an old text, so it would be different.

My personal favorite WTF Bible verse is the story of Jesus withering the fig tree. It's a weird a** story because it states in the text that it's not fig season, but Jesus still gets piss that the fig tree has no fruit and kills it. We talked about that story when I took a Gospels and Acts class, and the best answer to why he did the was "******** if I know."

I have no clue; i dont read the bible. I just look up stupid/hilarious bible quotes when bible things show up in the forums

But google says,
The first one is from: Ezekiel 23:20
And the second is from: Deuteronomy 28:53

It's been a long time since I've read Ezekiel, but if memory serves it's actually a pretty cool book. I think that's the one with dancing bones? I haven't studied the OT in a while, so I'm sort of fuzzy. Deuteronomy is sort of hard to slog through- it's just a list of rules for the most part. I think I read maybe 80% of it when I did a Bible study and while there's so good stuff there, it's tedious reading. I think it's more important as a historical benchmark than anything. It influenced Judea-Christian religion a lot, so it's good to understand.

[Larry Matasareanu The 2nd]

Did anyone mention Pulp Fiction yet??

[Darius Alexander Tate]

freelance lover

Zheng Jiaying

freelance lover

xChibi Cannibalx

"Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There, she lusted after her lovers' whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of a horse."

IS THIS A REAL VERSE
THIS CANT BE A REAL VERSE
IM DIEING HERE

EDIT: "Then because of the dire straits to which you will be reduced when your enemy besieges you, you will eat your own children, the flesh of your sons and daughters whom the Lord has given you."

What book is that from? I'm assuming the first portion is an allusion to slavery in Egypt in Exodus. The second is probably another "you dun ******** up" which is basically the whole OT. The Israelites beg God for good things, and he tells them not to do the thing, then they do the thing and incur his wrath.

The most important thing to me about approaching scripture is that each book has a different author, writing from a different place and time, with a different agenda to push. Depending on some translations, the language and stuff can seem weird, but it's an old text, so it would be different.

My personal favorite WTF Bible verse is the story of Jesus withering the fig tree. It's a weird a** story because it states in the text that it's not fig season, but Jesus still gets piss that the fig tree has no fruit and kills it. We talked about that story when I took a Gospels and Acts class, and the best answer to why he did the was "******** if I know."

Each book doesn't have a different author. Romans, 1st Corinthians, 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, 1st Thessalonians, 2nd Thessalonians, 1st Timothy, 2nd Timothy, Titus, and Philemon were all written by the apostle Paul. If you're going to try and bash the Bible, at least know what you're talking about. LOL

Well, obviously the Pauline letters are all by Paul (though it's worth mentioning that several that are attributed to Paul are widely accepted as not actually being written by him and just using his name, and a few are disputed). But even within Paul's letters, he's writing to different early churches with different issues and in different places, which is part of the reason his theology sometimes seems contradictory from book to book. You can't read the Bible as one book is my point- Paul's letters are literally reading his mail to various churches, there are poems, stories, histories, revelations. They're from different time periods, places, people with different social locations. That's my point.

I also don't understand why you think I'm bashing the Bible? It straight up says in my sig that I'm a Christian and I never said anything bashing the Bible. I actually minored in religion in college because I find the Bible fascinating and deeply interesting. I call the story of Jesus and the fig tree a WTF story because its weird as hell. None of the Bible commentaries I read ever had a satisfying answer for why Jesus was mad about a fig tree not bearing fruit when it wasn't fig season.

I guess I did misread your post. I'm just always so ready to jump to the defense of the Bible, that I go into a blind rage at times. I'm so used to seeing mord and more people making a mockery of Christians because of the set of beliefs we hold. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

[Kharion]

And He answered and said, "It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs." 27But she said, "Yes, Lord; but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their masters' table." 28Then Jesus said to her, "O woman, your faith is great; it shall be done for you as you wish." And her daughter was healed at once.

[Larry Matasareanu The 2nd]

freelance lover

Zheng Jiaying

freelance lover

xChibi Cannibalx

"Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There, she lusted after her lovers' whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of a horse."

IS THIS A REAL VERSE
THIS CANT BE A REAL VERSE
IM DIEING HERE

EDIT: "Then because of the dire straits to which you will be reduced when your enemy besieges you, you will eat your own children, the flesh of your sons and daughters whom the Lord has given you."

What book is that from? I'm assuming the first portion is an allusion to slavery in Egypt in Exodus. The second is probably another "you dun ******** up" which is basically the whole OT. The Israelites beg God for good things, and he tells them not to do the thing, then they do the thing and incur his wrath.

The most important thing to me about approaching scripture is that each book has a different author, writing from a different place and time, with a different agenda to push. Depending on some translations, the language and stuff can seem weird, but it's an old text, so it would be different.

My personal favorite WTF Bible verse is the story of Jesus withering the fig tree. It's a weird a** story because it states in the text that it's not fig season, but Jesus still gets piss that the fig tree has no fruit and kills it. We talked about that story when I took a Gospels and Acts class, and the best answer to why he did the was "******** if I know."

Each book doesn't have a different author. Romans, 1st Corinthians, 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, 1st Thessalonians, 2nd Thessalonians, 1st Timothy, 2nd Timothy, Titus, and Philemon were all written by the apostle Paul. If you're going to try and bash the Bible, at least know what you're talking about. LOL

Well, obviously the Pauline letters are all by Paul (though it's worth mentioning that several that are attributed to Paul are widely accepted as not actually being written by him and just using his name, and a few are disputed). But even within Paul's letters, he's writing to different early churches with different issues and in different places, which is part of the reason his theology sometimes seems contradictory from book to book. You can't read the Bible as one book is my point- Paul's letters are literally reading his mail to various churches, there are poems, stories, histories, revelations. They're from different time periods, places, people with different social locations. That's my point.

I also don't understand why you think I'm bashing the Bible? It straight up says in my sig that I'm a Christian and I never said anything bashing the Bible. I actually minored in religion in college because I find the Bible fascinating and deeply interesting. I call the story of Jesus and the fig tree a WTF story because its weird as hell. None of the Bible commentaries I read ever had a satisfying answer for why Jesus was mad about a fig tree not bearing fruit when it wasn't fig season.

If the bible cant keep s**t straight what good is it??

[freelance lover]

Geisha Of Crown Royal

freelance lover

Zheng Jiaying

freelance lover

xChibi Cannibalx

"Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There, she lusted after her lovers' whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of a horse."

IS THIS A REAL VERSE
THIS CANT BE A REAL VERSE
IM DIEING HERE

EDIT: "Then because of the dire straits to which you will be reduced when your enemy besieges you, you will eat your own children, the flesh of your sons and daughters whom the Lord has given you."

What book is that from? I'm assuming the first portion is an allusion to slavery in Egypt in Exodus. The second is probably another "you dun ******** up" which is basically the whole OT. The Israelites beg God for good things, and he tells them not to do the thing, then they do the thing and incur his wrath.

The most important thing to me about approaching scripture is that each book has a different author, writing from a different place and time, with a different agenda to push. Depending on some translations, the language and stuff can seem weird, but it's an old text, so it would be different.

My personal favorite WTF Bible verse is the story of Jesus withering the fig tree. It's a weird a** story because it states in the text that it's not fig season, but Jesus still gets piss that the fig tree has no fruit and kills it. We talked about that story when I took a Gospels and Acts class, and the best answer to why he did the was "******** if I know."

Each book doesn't have a different author. Romans, 1st Corinthians, 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, 1st Thessalonians, 2nd Thessalonians, 1st Timothy, 2nd Timothy, Titus, and Philemon were all written by the apostle Paul. If you're going to try and bash the Bible, at least know what you're talking about. LOL

Well, obviously the Pauline letters are all by Paul (though it's worth mentioning that several that are attributed to Paul are widely accepted as not actually being written by him and just using his name, and a few are disputed). But even within Paul's letters, he's writing to different early churches with different issues and in different places, which is part of the reason his theology sometimes seems contradictory from book to book. You can't read the Bible as one book is my point- Paul's letters are literally reading his mail to various churches, there are poems, stories, histories, revelations. They're from different time periods, places, people with different social locations. That's my point.

I also don't understand why you think I'm bashing the Bible? It straight up says in my sig that I'm a Christian and I never said anything bashing the Bible. I actually minored in religion in college because I find the Bible fascinating and deeply interesting. I call the story of Jesus and the fig tree a WTF story because its weird as hell. None of the Bible commentaries I read ever had a satisfying answer for why Jesus was mad about a fig tree not bearing fruit when it wasn't fig season.

I guess I did misread your post. I'm just always so ready to jump to the defense of the Bible, that I go into a blind rage at times. I'm so used to seeing mord and more people making a mockery of Christians because of the set of beliefs we hold. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

It's cool. Some people can be jerks about it, and for no reason. I realize I don't always describe the text in the most er... reverent ways. But I'm not one to stand on ceremony.

[freelance lover]

Larry Matasareanu The 2nd

freelance lover

Zheng Jiaying

freelance lover

xChibi Cannibalx

"Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There, she lusted after her lovers' whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of a horse."

IS THIS A REAL VERSE
THIS CANT BE A REAL VERSE
IM DIEING HERE

EDIT: "Then because of the dire straits to which you will be reduced when your enemy besieges you, you will eat your own children, the flesh of your sons and daughters whom the Lord has given you."

What book is that from? I'm assuming the first portion is an allusion to slavery in Egypt in Exodus. The second is probably another "you dun ******** up" which is basically the whole OT. The Israelites beg God for good things, and he tells them not to do the thing, then they do the thing and incur his wrath.

The most important thing to me about approaching scripture is that each book has a different author, writing from a different place and time, with a different agenda to push. Depending on some translations, the language and stuff can seem weird, but it's an old text, so it would be different.

My personal favorite WTF Bible verse is the story of Jesus withering the fig tree. It's a weird a** story because it states in the text that it's not fig season, but Jesus still gets piss that the fig tree has no fruit and kills it. We talked about that story when I took a Gospels and Acts class, and the best answer to why he did the was "******** if I know."

Each book doesn't have a different author. Romans, 1st Corinthians, 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, 1st Thessalonians, 2nd Thessalonians, 1st Timothy, 2nd Timothy, Titus, and Philemon were all written by the apostle Paul. If you're going to try and bash the Bible, at least know what you're talking about. LOL

Well, obviously the Pauline letters are all by Paul (though it's worth mentioning that several that are attributed to Paul are widely accepted as not actually being written by him and just using his name, and a few are disputed). But even within Paul's letters, he's writing to different early churches with different issues and in different places, which is part of the reason his theology sometimes seems contradictory from book to book. You can't read the Bible as one book is my point- Paul's letters are literally reading his mail to various churches, there are poems, stories, histories, revelations. They're from different time periods, places, people with different social locations. That's my point.

I also don't understand why you think I'm bashing the Bible? It straight up says in my sig that I'm a Christian and I never said anything bashing the Bible. I actually minored in religion in college because I find the Bible fascinating and deeply interesting. I call the story of Jesus and the fig tree a WTF story because its weird as hell. None of the Bible commentaries I read ever had a satisfying answer for why Jesus was mad about a fig tree not bearing fruit when it wasn't fig season.

If the bible cant keep s**t straight what good is it??

I am wondering if you read a damn thing I wrote? Did you see the part where I said more than once that the Bible has many different authors with different agendas, audiences, and different backgrounds. The Bible is a collection of books, not a single book. Furthermore, lots of the early OT books have multiple sources, which is why we have multiple or conflicting stories in them (most notably the creation story and Noah and the ark). Asking why the Bible "can't keep s**t straight" is like asking why 50 different people from different cultures and time periods writing about the same set of events don't all have the same story.

Also... have you read the Bible? There's a lot of good meat in there that people can get on board regardless of your religious affiliation. Proverbs comes to mind since it's just a book of well... proverbs. Psalms has some beautiful literature. Song of Solomon is basically about how awesome sex with your life partner is. I've also found that most of the weird or unsettling stuff is much better understood through the lens it was written in. And some just doesn't make sense (like that damn fig tree, haha). But I suggest you actually study and educate yourself on a topic before asking lame questions.