Ratskellers Pub a place to drink wine and talk.

What berry is red when it is green

got any idea	8.9%	[ 5 ]
have not got a clue	17.9%	[ 10 ]
I'll never tell	10.7%	[ 6 ]
Yeshhhh lesshhh mee shee hiccup	19.6%	[ 11 ]
Ceymore knows ask him	42.9%	[ 24 ]
Total Votes:			[ 56 ]

[fowerchild]

heart

[Ceymore]

xp

[Ceymore]

cool

[I Ceymore Ratz]

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[I Ceymore Ratz]

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. ‘Fred,’ he replies.
‘Fred what?’ the officer asks.
‘Just Fred,’ the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. ‘Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’

The biker replies, ‘It’s a long story, so stay with me.’ I was born Fred Johnson.
I studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.’



The officer walked away in tears, laughing

[Ceymore]

[SweetSugarPieHoneyBunch]

[TheAncientOfDays]

biggrin

[I Ceymore Ratz]

[I Ceymore Ratz]

Anyone need snow? We have it and I am stuck and can't go to work, besides its minus 7 tonight.

[WickedDragonFruit]

mrgreen

[Ceymore]

]VEGETARIAN’S NIGHTMARE By Baxter Black
March 1, 2011 at 8:34pm

A dissertation on plant’s rights.



Ladies and diners I make you, A shameful, degrading confession. A deed of disgrace in the name of good taste, Though I did it, I meant no aggression.



I had planted a garden last April, And lovingly sang it a ballad. But later in June beneath a full moon, Forgive me, I wanted a salad!



So I slipped out and fondled a carrot, Caressing its feathery top. With the force of a brute I tore out the root! It whimpered and came with a pop!



Then laying my hand on a radish. I jerked and it left a small crater. Then with the blade of my True Value spade, I exhumed a slumbering tater!



Celery I plucked, I twisted a squash! Tomatoes were wincing in fear! I choked the Romaine, It screamed out in pain, Their anguish was filling my ears!



I finally came to the lettuce, As it cringed at the top of the row. With one wicked slice I beheaded it twice, As it writhed, I dealt a death blow.



I butchered the onions and parsley. My hoe was all covered with gore.I chopped and I whacked without looking back, Then I stealthily slipped in the door.



My bounty lay naked and dying, So I drowned them to snuff out their life. I sliced and I peeled as they thrashed and they reeled, On the cutting board under my knife.



I violated tomatoes, So their innards could never survive. I grated and ground ‘til they made not a sound, Then I boiled the tater alive!



Then I took the small broken pieces, I had tortured and killed with my hands. And tossed them together, heedless of whether, They suffered or made their demands.



I ate them. Forgive me, I’m sorry. But hear me, though I’m a beginner. Those plants feel pain, though it’s hard to explain, To someone who eats them for dinner!



I intend to begin a crusade For PLANT’S RIGHTS, including chick peas. The A.C.L.U. will be helping me too. In the meantime, please pass the bleu cheese.

[Ceymore]

Bringing Up The Thread

[I Ceymore Ratz]

cool

[Ceymore]

Here are 25 honest bumper stickers I’d like to see:

1. My child is an average student with little ambition.

2. My daughter has no rhythm and dance class is a struggle.

3. I’ll DRIVE 13.1 miles for a donut.

4. Baby onboard, and she cries a LOT!

5. I pick my nose at stop lights—WATCH.

6. I’m a TERRIBLE driver, steer clear.

7. Guns do kill people, but bananas don’t. Buy bananas.

8. My kid is an MVP video gamer. BOOM!

9. I have more LEGOs and snack foods on my van floor than a low budget day care.

10. If I smile at you at the stop light, I’m farting.

11. Honk again, because that makes you look like less of an a*****e.

12. Jesus might not love you. He did see what you did last night.

13. You don’t like gay people? It’s cool. The feeling is mutual.

14. I bet your dog is smarter than my honors student. He trained you to pick up his crap.

15. If you get any closer, you will need to buy me a drink. I only let people I like touch my tailpipe.

16. If my minivan could run off of my children’s gas, you would never see me at the pump.

17. I’m sorry you’re a Boston (fill in the blank) fan. Make better choices.

18. Speed limits are a suggestion, like how people tell you to be less of a douchebag.

19. “Have a kid,” they said. “It will be fun,” they said. They lied.

20. I drive a minivan. Don’t hate. I have third-row seating.

21. Don’t worry, be happy. You could be driving around with my crazy a** family.

22. I’m the guy who looks into your car window like I lost something. I’m CREEPY.

23. I love the environment, but not enough to bike or walk. Just saying.

24. I brake for animals, but I mostly brake because I’m screaming, “I will turn this car around” at my children.

25. I’m prepared for a zombie apocalypse. I have enough stale French fries, Skittles, baby wipes, socks and toys on the floor to last six months.