I was going to ride Jeze today for the first time in a long time, since her back has been feeling better. I figured with everything going on, it's be nice to relax and enjoy her for a while, especially since my last lesson no-showed and I had more time than I thought I would. I take her out on the cross ties and I start brushing her. Then I freak the ******** out when I see her hind legs are cut up. It was mostly superficial stuff, but the right hand had one that looked a little concerning.
So I proceeded to freak the ******** out. I have so much going on right now, I don't need to worry about Jeze too!
The left hind only has those nicks visible on her white sock, not concerned about those. But the right's got a few bigger cuts, one of which is shaped like a lightning bolt. There's one big nick that I'm worried about. So I cold hosed it for like 30 minutes and then cleaned it with betadine surgical scrub. I decided to wrap it since it was a little swollen, and the wrap would help with that and give her some support.
So I get everything I need and slather some furacin (medicine) on there and start wrapping. First a layer of paper towels, then some plastic wrap to encourage sweating...and as I'm getting the pillow part of the wrap ready (which absorbs some of the pressure and diffuses it over the length of the wrap for comfort & tendon support) a loose paper towel blows by and Jeze loses it, busting the cross ties and breaking free. She pulls one of the ties completely off the wall, and the metal snap nails me in the arm. Ow. I catch her and start over, this time making sure nothing loose blows by and startles her. I get the wrap on...and she freaks out. It totally slipped my mind that she's not used to having anything on her hind legs. I should have expected this based on past reactions.
Last leg injury that required wrapping was on a front leg, which she was a champ for. But apparently she thinks anything wrapped on her hind legs is out to murder her. So she flipped out and jumped forward, kicked the leg in the air a bunch of times, lost her balance and ended up pushing into one of the walls. Great.
So the wrap slips and I figure I will need to take it off. So I lead her around a little and eventually she settles down and accepts that the leg wrap maybe isn't fatal. I had to grab and hold her leg for a while to get her to stop trying to kick it off. Thankfully she knows not to kick ME. Eventually I take it off and figure that if I can re-wrap it tighter she should be fine since she seems to have accepted her fate.
I re-gather my supplies and move her outside, where I can walk her around better and hopefully get her used to the wrap. I re-wrap the leg, this time it was like the best most perfectly applied leg-wrap I've ever accomplished.
And in mere seconds she flipped out and destroyed it. Kicking out violently, hopping, bolting, generally panicking again. She kicked so furiously that the wrap started to slide down out of place.
I accept that wrapping the leg is a lost cause, and I take the wrap off. Wrapping it is obviously not an option, so I'm going to have to stick to cold-hosing, cleaning, and re-applying medicine while giving her bute for pain and swelling.
I give up and put Jeze in her stall and start bawling. This is the last thing I needed right now. I'm a total mess to begin with, stressed and exhausted on every level. I just can't deal with this.
So I sit down to text Lauren and ask for her help later with this, because I can not handle doing anything more right now. Then my mom texts me and asks if I can go to the vet with her to get Rusty more fluids. And then my phone freezes up and won't do anything at all for 10 minutes. Because I guess the universe wants to toss more s**t my way this week.
Anyway, Lauren and I are going out tomorrow. If Jeze is any worse, I get to look forward to another expensive emergency vet bill.
My mom and sister took Rusty to get more fluids while I was doing that.
Now I'm home, and they just got back. And now they're telling me that they want to postpone putting Rusty down, since with the fluid injections he's been feeling better. He still walks around and goes up steps and stuff, and seems pretty happy still. But I am still leaning towards putting him down since he's still dying. But I'm on my own in the opinion, now they're saying they don't think he's ready and that we should "play it day by day" since he has more time.
His kidneys and liver aren't functioning properly. They won't come back. He's not going to recover, there's no miracle that will save him. He seems content and happy now because he's been injected with fluids. He has little interest in eating or drinking, he might nibble here and there, but it's not enough to stay alive. I understand that they're not ready to let go, but none of us will EVER be ready to let go of him. I don't think it's fair to keep him (barely) alive for much longer. Sure, he's feeling better but it's a LIE. It's the fluids and anti-nausea medicine tricking us into seeing him as feeling better than he does. It's not a long-term fix. That's not even a short-term fix, it's a band aid that makes him feel better but doesn't help him. It'll buy him maybe a few days, but that's all. He's still going to die.
And now I'm worried that they're going to wait until he's
really suffering to put him down, and I don't want him to suffer. I'd rather put him down a day or two too soon than wait and see him struggle. His body is dying around him. I know their hearts are in the right place, but I think we should keep the appointment on Monday. It's horrible and sad for US, but it's the kindest thing we can do for him. I think they're hoping he will pass on his own, to spare them having to be the one to make the decision. All I know is that if he goes downhill any more, I will cat-nap him and take him to be euthanized myself before I will let him suffer. I love him too much.
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