Yeeeah I've moved so often in my life, I will never understand why people would bother unless it was completely necessary. emotion_donotwant
So! I've been reading Nezumi's Children, yay! I've gotten to where they are first meeting the wild laysi.
So far I've been enjoying the story. I'm quite fond of Bitey and everything she's trying to do, while also trying to figure out what White One is thinking at times. xD Looking forward to when I can sit down and read some more.
I really liked how you wrote Bitey's disorientation when she first got out of the cage. How the ceiling suddenly became the floor. Makes sense, for a being who's never really known anything but her cage. That something can be climbed and change that way... yes.
I don't know if this is just me or not, but I find it kind of jarring when one of the characters are preforming a new action and you sort of break the narration to explain, though. For example, when Bitey jumps into the water and instinctively starts to swim, you stop the action to explain that rats are good swimmers. I think it would have been more effective to just show that Bitey can swim, instead of inserting a direct comment on it. You could have even had something about the Spirits telling her what to do (I really like that for explaining rat instincts, haha). Just something to be aware of when you write future things?
I might think of some more stuff to stay later/as I continue to read. xD
Got some questions about this shop's lore and the book's relation to it, now!
First, the language. Like, in the book you call scouts laysi, but in the shop they are known as allaysi. Was there any reason for the change of terminology? Laysi makes more sense to me as a general rank since allaysi is more like... the head of something, to my understanding.
How much is different here than in your book? Having males is probably the most obvious thing and it makes sense with the "B" in "B/C", hahaha, but is there anything else?
How close are your Bitey, Sniffles, and White One to their book counterparts?
Annnd is this shop kind of a "sequel" to the book?
There are a few places where the narrative "voice" gets a little pushy -- places where it's almost like the camera zooms out and a documentary narrator explains what's happening. I did that in places for clarity, but you're right -- the narrative distance is unnecessary. I need to trust my readers to follow along without the hand-holding smile
Also, I'll forewarn you, things are about to get pretty bumpy.
As for your questions on how the world ties into the book:
-- The shop is more of an alternate universe than a direct sequel/prequel. It follows alongside many of the events of the book (and future books), but it doesn't directly overlap. This is in part because I made the shop between drafts of the book and made some changes to plot, and also because some changes make for more fun sandbox-style play vs carefully plotted story.
-- Laysi vs Allaysi: What happened is that there's a character later in the book who goes by the name Allaysi, so I wanted to use a more general term for the others. Literally speaking, the "a" prefix just means you're good at something -- you have talent in it. An "allaysi" is good at scouting. A "laysi" is anyone doing the scouting, regardless of their natural talent (and you could be acting as a laysi even if you weren't actually suited to it). I went with "allaysi" in the shop because if people are giving their characters that role, the rat is probably good at it wink Also I just like the sound of it better. *shot*
-- As far as differences. The biggest difference between shop-world and book-world is that the Great Ones are gone completely from shop-world, or at least don't seem to be coming back any time soon. The book takes place over a very short timeline, less than a week. The shop obviously takes place in a world that's human-free long enough for multiple generations to breed, for lots of mixing to happen between the wild and domestic rats. Also, as you noted, there are domestic males here. My NPCs are basically just like their book equivalents, though they may act a little differently in plots as the situation demands. They're undergoing different circumstances, after all smile
^^ That was fun. Looking forward to how you get on with the next bit.
On that note: Reading the book will give you a hint about the nature of an upcoming meta event. But that meta won't happen for quite some time.
Unrelatedly, WHOO BOY am I busy right now. Ugh. I swear to god, once I finish with all of this moving shenanigans, I'll be able to finish up the rest of the owed work and get things wrapped with the last meta. (it's almost like I've said that before....) Ahem. ilu guys.
ChaosTheories
fenshae
Yeeeah I've moved so often in my life, I will never understand why people would bother unless it was completely necessary. emotion_donotwant
So! I've been reading Nezumi's Children, yay! I've gotten to where they are first meeting the wild laysi.
So far I've been enjoying the story. I'm quite fond of Bitey and everything she's trying to do, while also trying to figure out what White One is thinking at times. xD Looking forward to when I can sit down and read some more.
I really liked how you wrote Bitey's disorientation when she first got out of the cage. How the ceiling suddenly became the floor. Makes sense, for a being who's never really known anything but her cage. That something can be climbed and change that way... yes.
I don't know if this is just me or not, but I find it kind of jarring when one of the characters are preforming a new action and you sort of break the narration to explain, though. For example, when Bitey jumps into the water and instinctively starts to swim, you stop the action to explain that rats are good swimmers. I think it would have been more effective to just show that Bitey can swim, instead of inserting a direct comment on it. You could have even had something about the Spirits telling her what to do (I really like that for explaining rat instincts, haha). Just something to be aware of when you write future things?
I might think of some more stuff to stay later/as I continue to read. xD
Got some questions about this shop's lore and the book's relation to it, now!
First, the language. Like, in the book you call scouts laysi, but in the shop they are known as allaysi. Was there any reason for the change of terminology? Laysi makes more sense to me as a general rank since allaysi is more like... the head of something, to my understanding.
How much is different here than in your book? Having males is probably the most obvious thing and it makes sense with the "B" in "B/C", hahaha, but is there anything else?
How close are your Bitey, Sniffles, and White One to their book counterparts?
Annnd is this shop kind of a "sequel" to the book?
Probably nothing too bumpy for me to handle, haha! I love a good story no matter the subject, really.
And that's what I figured, the shop would have to be AU to work. I was wondering about the time span too, but I didn't mention it since... I'm still only about halfway through the story, and it makes sense that it would have a neater timeline than a shop that could carry on for... well, quite a long time.
And I see about the language! Haha, I do like the sound of allaysi better, when I say it out loud. xD
Bonus hint at next shop meta is fun too, oh yis. I really need peace and quiet in order to read, so I hope I get some this weekend. *crosses fingers*
Thank you Fen! ... wait.. bookS? .... there's mroe than one? *blinkblink*
Cherry we're only sort of alive at the moment, Fen is moving and i'm a single parent with 2 children so it's tough to find some time to do a lot of pets and stuff. I'm sure Fen'll poke me sometime.
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