A Little Intro

Alright, I'm underdog-kitten and welcome to the profile. You can call me Kitten, UK (even I'm not a member of the UK), Illy (it's a name I like) or whatever nickname suits me in your perspective. If you feel like reading more about me, go right ahead. i won't stop you.

Alright, time to write a bit about myself. My gaia account is my futile attempt at being social. I try to be social in reality but it doesn't get me many places. Though it did get me a splendiferous boyfriend who loves me so that's the important part. However I also needs friends. I have a few who don't talk to me really. I'm not sure why but I have a tendency to blame myself and the toxic people in my life for my problems.

Which is why I'm here. Here, my life isn't screwed up or stressful. Here I don't have my family drama dragging me down. I'm just me in a universe of who knows how many members there are on gaia. So this is my escape where hopefully I'll make friends. If you're reading this, maybe you'll be one of them. All it takes is saying hi and keeping in touch. I try not to be mean and I'm supportive.

I spend my time gaming, writing and sometimes drawing. I also listen to a lot of music (I sing along most times) and watch a lot of review shows on the internet. I hope to someday have my own and when I do, I'll post a link to it so you guys may become viewers as well as friends.

So why do I have problems making friends in real life? Well some things stop me, like my mental disorders. They're also a factor in my real life screw up. I was diagnosed with them in the last few years and one keeps shifting (cause I got a new doctor). So here's my diagnosis list.

Mood
I'm bi-polar/depressed. I don't have a lot of manic sprees which makes people think I'm depressed but I can be manic. I've been there. I've been on top of the world and nothing could stop me. I love that feeling but I don't make good choices when I'm like that. But I get depressed a lot. When I'm depressed, I'm anti social and the world just passes me by as I sit there. Time goes really slowly when I'm there but at the same time, I'll look at the clock and I won't know where the hours went. It sucks and I battle self-harm issues. thankfully that's starting to improve.

Anxiety
I have the unfortunate of being diagnosed with 4 major anxiety disorders. General anxiety, social phobia (really makes making friends difficult), OCD, and PTSD. I'm currently on pills to deal with the constant anxiety, especially the social phobia because that's the strongest one...well that's not quite true. My flashbacks from the PTSD are bad when they hit. Also the OCD can be frustrating when I can't fix what's bothering me.

Other
This one I haven't been diagnosed with but I know it's there. I have an undiagnosed eating disorder. I know that when I'm skinny it's bad and unhealthy but gaining weight scares me. I'm still adjusting and working on finding a healthy weight. I used to be at an anorexic weight level but my anxiety meds made me gain weight. Which was good for me but the quick weight gain has confused my brain so I can't tell what the healthy weight should look like. I'm going to start exercising soon instead of focusing solely on my food intake (and limiting it when depressed) so hopefully things balance out.

But yeah, that's a bit about me. Feel free to message me and tell me about you.