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About

I figure I should probably post this somewhere, but I don't think the forums would be too terribly appropriate so here it is on my profile.
I'm going to be covering sensitive material, so if you have been through enough trials of your own you don't have to continue. Thank you for stopping by and I hope that you're doing better.

I live with my mother. When I first started working I was stressed from the change and the anxiety of talking to customers, but at home things were okay. We lived comfortably enough. However, shortly after I started working my mom's health declined both physically and mentally. She was laid off almost immediately after she took a month-long medical leave, after she had been with the company for 10 years and completed her masters degree.
She fell into a deep depression.
She was baker acted on several occasions, hospitalized, and institutionalized over the course of almost three years.
My sister, step-dad and I all did what we could to help her but none of us were prepared to handle that situation. My step-dad had to hold her in the car to keep her from jumping out into the intersection. My sister had to drive after her when she took off on a bike. I had to follow her into the woods when she would get upset and I would sit and talk with her until she came back home. I feared the weekends, because that was when she would get the most upset. My step-dad worked those days and she always worried that he wouldn't make it back. My sister worked night shift. I would have to watch my mom until someone came home. We tried our best to cheer her up. I made her gifts in an attempt to lift her spirits, but it seemed like nothing worked. We all tried our best, but things were always unrelentingly uncertain.
We made mistakes and I know I could've done more to help.
My mom is doing better now. She has a new job, although it doesn't pay as well as her old one. We're managing it.
I still joke and try to remain positive. I can still laugh and I can still smile, but I'm in the worst headspace I've known so far.
I've withheld this from everyone I know and everyone I didn't. I didn't want anyone to feel burdened by it and I didn't want to hear the criticism. I didn't want a pity party or pointing fingers. But I know I can't just keep it in.
I just needed to talk about this, even if no one is listening.
This doesn't mean I'm going anywhere.