The Booty Call Agreement


This Booty Call Agreement (hereinafter referred to as the agreement)
is entered into on the _______________ day of ___________ 2005,
by _________________________, between __________________
and ________________________. THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER
THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES.

1. No sleeping over--- unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
3. No calls before 9 PM-- we don't have **** to talk about.
4. None of that "lovemaking" ****-- only mind blowing sex allowed.
5. No emotional discussions -- Ex: Where are we heading with this? Do you love me? The answer to this is no, so don't ask.
6. No plans made in advance -- that is why you are called the "backup", unless you are from out of town, then it's only a one time advance arrangement.
7. All gifts accepted -- money is always good.
8. No baby talk -- however, dirty talk is encouraged.
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers -- it's really none of your damn business.
10. No calling each other "friends with privileges" -- we are not friends, just sex buddies.
11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK -- don't be offended.
12. No extra clothing -- I don't want your a** leaving anything behind when you leave.
13. No falling asleep right after sex -- it's over, so get your a** up and go home.
14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it -- I don't care.
15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.
16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard responce will be: "My roommate's girlfriend/boyfriend."
17. Doggie style preferred -- just hit it hard and right or get the hell out!
18. Reason for doggie style -- the less eye contact the better. I don't want to look at you, just **** you.
19. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes ME -- so don't keep calling.
20. The most important one -- Carry your a** home. Don't call me, I'll call you!

*** EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS*** the aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this agreement, it will automatically become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list BLOCKED from all communications until your silly a** understands the rules.

Participating partner:

Signature: ____________________________________

Date: ____________________________________

1. We have absolutely no idea where our purse is.. and for some reason, that's ok.



2. We believe that dancing with our arms overhead and wiggling our butts while yelling "WOO-HOO" is truly the sexiest dance move around.

3. We've suddenly decided that we want to kick someone's a** and honestly believe we could do it too.

4. In our last trip to pee, we realize that we now look more like a homeless hooker than the goddess we started out as just 4 hours ago.

5. We drop our 3am submarine sandwich/pizza slice/poutine on the floor, pick it up and continue eating it like its nobody's business.

6.We start crying and declare to everyone we see, including people we barely know, that we love them SOOOO MUCH.

7. We get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song comes on because "OH MY GOD, I LOVE THIS SONG!"

8. We're suddenly full of profound spiritual wisdom... and so is the geek next to us.

9. We don't see anything wrong with making out with profs/co-workers/boss should they be around

10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, get up on the table or bar and start to sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming to us.

11. Our eyes just won't seem to stay open by themselves, so we keep them half closed and think it looks incredibly sexy.

12. We've suddenly taken up smoking and we believe we're really good at it

13. We yell at the bartender who we believe has cheated us by giving us just orange juice, but that's just because we can no longer taste the vodka.

14. We think we are in bed, but our pillow feels strangely like the floor.. or like the mop.

15. We start every conversation with a slurred "Don't take this the wrong way but..."

16. We fail to notice that the toilet lid is down before we sit on it.

17. Our hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.

18. We are tired, but we are troopers so instead of going home, we just sit on the floor wherever we are standing and take a quick nap.

19. We begin leaving the buttons open on our button fly jeans to cut down on the time we're in the bathroom away from our drink.

20. We take our shoes off because a) they're ridiculously impractical.. but soo beautiful! b) We believe it's the shoes' fault that we can't walk straight.

21. No matter what got broken, thrown up on, stolen, no matter who said what or who went home with whoever else - we ALWAYS call each other the next day.