About
So, since you're reading this, I can safely assume you want to know more about me than you do now. I can also safely assume, since you haven't asked me about myself, that you want to do this without speaking with me directly. Therefore, I can safely assume that you're some sort of stalker.
STAY OUT OF MY LIFE, STALKER!
Now that that's taken care of, we can get on to the good stuff. Usually, I think, these sort of "profile" things begin with one's age, so let's start there. I am, by and large younger than I may seem, though I assure you I am older than you think I am.
If you haven't talked to me before, and you're thinking about doing so, DON'T. Unless you consider yourself up to the task of testing your mental mettle against mine, that is my advice to you. I live for two things: to help the people I care about, and to give hell to the people I don't. Yeah, I'm that kind of a*****e, and I admit it. Of course, you're just some stalker. DON'T YOU JUDGE ME, STALKER!
To be perfectly frank, there's not much about me that's significant enough to talk about in an internet profile that could be totally fabricated by a ten-year-old child (or better yet, a talking bear!) Therefore, the rest of the important stuff is gonna go into one, long paragraph, both for the reasons above, and because
I'm a lazy ********. <- SIGNIFICANT INFORMATION
Basically, I am a jerk. I am obscene and irreverent at the most inopportune times. I consume more intoxicants than is safe or necessary. I smoke. I drink. I curse. I make small children cry. I make fun of people less capable than myself because it makes me feel big inside. I frighten horses and kick cats. I dance on people's graves in front of their weeping relatives. I drive a Hummer, subjugate and objectify women, and engage in pointless contests to assert my manhood and hide my numerous insecurities. I snatch purses from old ladies and enjoy twirling my mustache while collecting the rent.
WORSHIP ME, PUNY HUMANS.
...
In case you somehow haven't realized it by now, the entire above profile is a joke. I'm twenty-one, male, and Japanese. I am five feet and ten inches tall (about 178 centimeters for you metric kids) and weigh around a hundred and thirty-something pounds (sixty kilos or so). That's all the technical stuff. If you want to know more, just talk to me, and don't hesitate to PM me if you want to (as long it's not about something pointless). In case you're curious, select parts of the above paragraphs are actually true. I do live to help the people I care about, I do drink on occasion, and I smoke more than anyone ever should. I am also, of course, a lazy ********.
So there.
P.S. - AH'M AHN
FAAAHR.
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