you can't be stupid AND ugly!! you have to pick one!!!

two blonds walked into a building - you think they would have seen it coming.

if a tree falls in the middle of a forest, and there's no one around to hear it, and it hits a mime, does anybody care?

scented candles are better than smoke detectors because then instead of being confused by loud sirens, you think, "lilac. oh crap there's a fire."

hot potato is a very different game when the people who are playing are starving.

a toy could very easily become an adult toy, its all about location.

silence is golden. duct tape is silver

you're only as strong as the drinks you mix, the tables you dance on, and the friends you roll with.

work? yeah. i tried that ONCE. worst seven minutes of my entire life.

everything here is edible. im edible, but that my children is called canablism, which is usually frowned upon in most scocieties.

me and you are friends. you fight, i fight. you hurt, i hurt. you cry, i cry. you jump off a bridge, im gonna miss your dumb a**.

you ever notice how when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

back in the 60's the world was normal and people took acid to make it wierd. now the world is wierd and people take prozac to make it normal.

why does glue never stick to the inside of the bottle?

"the problem with quotes on the internet is that5 anyone can make them up and blame it on someone else." - Abraham lincoln, 2052

Pillow fights: man vs woman is fun. man vs man is gay. woman vs woman is awesome. man vs pillow is crazy. pillow vs pillow is crazy awesome.

clowns at a circus are annoying. clowns at a birthday party are sad. clowns that are just around are creepy. if any of them get hurt, its funny.

people like you are the reason people like me need medication.

i didn't blame you, i just said it was your fault.

i hate you, you hate me, lets get together and kill barney! with a 2" by 4" behind the door, no more purple dinosaor!

i hate you, you hate me, lets go kill kakashi! with a great big kunai through his head, naruto your sensei's dead!

i hate you, you hate me, barney gave me HIV. it started with a hug and led to the floor, i got raped by a dinosaor.

i hate you, you hate me, lets get together and kill barney! with a great big shotgun to his head, sorry kids but barney's dead.

I'm the only one who laughs at the sight of shikkamaru on a rooftop bacause i imagine myself pushing him off.

Cookie Monster: where the ******** are my goddamn cookies?!?!

good friends don't let you do stupid things..........alone

the knife just "slipped".........67 times....

sorry can't talk now. I'm busy licking the thick white stuff off a long hard thing. WHAT?! YOU PERVERT!! I'M LICKING VANILLA ICE CREAM OFF A CONE!!

reality is for people who lack imagination

crying does'nt help - try your luck with violent mood swings

don't ******** piss me off!! i'm running out of places to hide the bodies!!

if you're gonna get in trouble for hitting someone, you may as well hit them hard.

i'm an angel, honest!! the horns are to keep the halo up!!

artificail intelligence is no match for real stupidity.

epicness is the key.

when life gives you lemons, squeez it in someone's eye and haul a**.

some people are like slinkies. they don't have a purpose but they bring a smile to your face when you see them go down the stairs.

officer, i swear to drunk i'm not god!!

we are microsoft. resistance is futile. you will be assimilated.

i don't suffer from insanity, i enjoy every minute of it.

a mobile home with a flat tire is a home.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahNO!

I am COMPLETELY OBSESSED with three thingz on this planet: 1). The Akatsuki. 2). Jack The Pupmkin King(I LOVE HIM!!!) 3).CHOCOLATE!!!!!......if u don't like those then ******** u and have a nice a day!! x3