It's All About Me

I don't have a mother, or a father. Well,, I do, that's how I got here but, my mother killed herself 2 years ago and my father left when I was nine. Me father raped me too. My theripist told me to tell my sorry to someone online, and so I am telling a whole lot of somebodys online. Please, don't feel all that sorry for me. I am 15, by the way. I am single, and I like online friendships. The thing that I like about them is that you can tell them anything, and there isn't a chance of it ending up all over school the next day. I like to right. Oh, and NEVER CALL ME "EMO", please. I am not "emo". Emo isn't human, it is short for emotional. In that case, everyone is "emo", because even if you are happy, you are "emo". I don't cut myself, or self harm in anyway. I used to though. I have found better ways to deal with my emotions and my past now, though. I am now going to share some poetry that I wrote with you.

Our Love
Loves memory has traced our outline in this place.
But will the spider remember, or the sun?
Did the water capture our faces in permanence?
Does the wind create us anew as it blows?
Did the shadows from the trees record our passage beneath them?
Our secret been revealed.
Yet I have told no other.
I write these words in silence, in mute testimony
To what once was.
But our image remains alive in this place.
It can not be removed.
You, me,
We then,
Were here.
We saw the day and hoped for tomorrow.
We caught a brief glimpse of love's promise.
We were not liars,
But thieves of time.
For now time has now forgotten us,
Yet our memory lingers, and love remembers
This place that was ours.


Falling Away
I am bored with love
and it's passionless limbs
that drape over my bed
in a lethargic state of impotence
while wearing the same red heart
my soul picked up hitchhiking
off highway serendipity

Now here we are
alone in togetherness
trying to build dreams
with two by fours and glue,
but even a home
won't tie us together
when our hearts live alone

Poetic vows cliched
into nothingness
like all words do, eventually
and we allowed
our bodies to become
another pair of hollow shadows
that make love to a wall
instead of each other
and we wonder why
the roses are dying


Your Lies
Funny when things never change
Even when you say they will
But while your off s(rewing her
My life is standing still

You tell me that you love me
When I go to leave
You tell me I'm your only one
And I let myself believe

I know that you are using me
But you'll never let me go
I know that you don't love me
I know I'm just for show

I don't know If I can stand
To see you love another girl
You know that you broke my heart
You know that your my world

But while your standing by my side
I'll believe your lies forever
Cause everything seems so perfect
When we are together



Untitled.

You take it, and you take it
And you learn,
You learn all too well,
So that later, when there's nobody to dish it out,
You can punch yourself in the gut
And take it some more.

The best part is,
With training and practice,
You learn your own soft spots and weaknesses,
So that you become your own best tormentor.

Double up over the pain and swallow.
It'll still be there tomorrow,
Waiting for you.

Numbers

Numbers, how they are everywhere!
Oh that 1 won't do!
I 2 know you, do
Not want it to.
She 8 and ate,
Emptying her plate,
Knowing she'd hate
Herself at 7.
Not so 4, at 9
It was all over. The swine
Had flushed the 4 courses
2 Heaven.



A Matter of Life and Death
I feel trapped in my life,
Never leave home without a knife.
A bad mood, A bad feeling is
Just a cut away from healing.
For as you see
Bleeding is healing for me
Running, wet, and red
Quiets the voices in my head.
Scars and scars galore
Each and everyone, I adore.
The object of cutting, you see
Is to sooth my soul without losing me.
To lose me, To lose my head
Would surely mean that I'd be dead.
So Cut and Cut
I continue to do.
Until I find another way
To save my life each and every day.





A Life You'll Never Know
I have to see my blood
I have to know my heart
I have to feel the flood
That flows to keep us apart
I have to taste the salt
I have to cry the tears
I have to know its my fault
I have to face my fears
I have to feel the pain
I have to see the colour
I have to hid the stain
For it must remain undercover
I have to blame myself
I have to use the blade
I know I need no help
Sooner or later the cuts will fade
I have to deal with things in my way
I have no choice
Look at them and hear what I say
These cuts are my voice
I have to tell you go get away from me
I have to tell you to go
I have to make you see
A live you'll never know.







Red Tears
The pain inside cannot be seen
Unseen, therefore un-real
Red hot burning strokes
Pain, anguish, all unreal
Red-hot tears flowing down my arms.
The pain un-real, suddenly becomes real
Surroundings become clear
Fear flows freely
Breath in, breath out
Pull yourself together girl
Roll down your sleeves and get on with life.
The inside can now be seen







Its An Addicton
It's a cycle so vicious no-one ever wins
It starts with self hate
And ends up so much worse.
Its an addiction, so hard to break
I started it to escape
From the world and all the realities.
After not too long I started looking for a way out
From the tool I used to escape.
Its an addiction, so hard to break
It may not be the most ideal way of coping with life
But at the time it was all I could get.
I grasped it with both hands
But when I wanted to let go
It had over me a strong hold
With almost no way out.
Its an addiction, so hard to break.


The first lines that were in all of these poems are the titles.
Here are some of saying that I made up.

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.

I cry for the time that you were almost mine, I cry for the memories I've left behind, I cry for the pain, the lost, the old the new, I cry for the times I thought I had you .

Not all scars show, not all wounds heal Sometimes you can't always see The pain someone feels.

Whats the sense of wishing for something when I always just wish it away?
Every night I talk to the stars pretending its you.. it acts just like you.. far away and never replies to my questions.

Why do people tell you to believe in what you want to but then tell you not to believe in the one true thing you do believe in?

Times a precious thing to waste, but friends are more precious
The sad truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be good or evil.

The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.

Do not assume that he who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, he would never have been able to find these words.

I am also a Twilight fan. I have read the whole series 13 times and I am on my 14th round. I also really like Vampire Knight, and horror movies.
I hope that you will please add me as a friend.

Thank you,
Peace out - Jessie <3