COMPLETE GUIDE TO ORDERING PIZZA
Hello. Welcome to The Complete and Utter Idiot's Guide to Ordering Pizza. Who's hungry for some 'za? Let's do it!
The first thing we need to do is select a pizza delivery service. You probably have half a dozen flyers sitting in your junk drawer in your kitchen so we'll...what? You don't have any fliers? You don't have a junk drawer? You don't have a kitchen?
Where are you currently standing at the moment? A room. That's very helpful, let's try to narrow it down. Are you in your house? Good. Are you in your kitchen? Kitchen? The food room. Yes, counters, sink, that sounds...toilet? No, that's wrong. That's your bathroom. Why on earth do you think that would be a food room? Don't answer, just leave that room alone.
You need to find your kitchen. It will have some of the things that were in your bathroom, but it won't have a toilet. There will also be such things like a stove, refrigerator, microwave, maybe a dishwasher, blender, mixer.. what is that look? That's a lost look, isn't it? You're lost. In your house. It's okay, don't cry, we'll find your kitchen.
Let me ask you this, when you are hungry, where do you go?
That's the bathroom, you are really scaring me right now.
You know what, forget it. The entire point of finding your kitchen is to look through your junk drawer for pizza delivery fliers, and it occurs to me that every drawer you own is probably a junk drawer, so we should cut our losses and move on.
What we need is a phone book. No, not a book that looks like a phone, rather, a large, usually yellow book that has lots and lots of phone numbers in it. There's a very good chance that it's near your phone. So let's try that.
Your phone. You make phone calls on it. Knowing you, it probably looks like Mickey Mouse or perhaps a plastic football.
Or the Starship Enterprise. Of course. I should have known.
I'm glad you've found the phone, we're going to need that, so hold onto it. Now what about a phone book? No, that's a dictionary. Yes, it's a big book but it doesn't have any numbers in it, does it? Numbers. We're looking for numbers.
No, that's a book on Quantum Physics. What the Hell are you doing with that?
Why are you still carrying around the Starship Enterprise? Oh right, I told you to hold onto it. It was a figure of speech. What I meant was set it down, but remember where you put it.
I don't know, mark the spot with something.
The first thing we need to do is select a pizza delivery service. You probably have half a dozen flyers sitting in your junk drawer in your kitchen so we'll...what? You don't have any fliers? You don't have a junk drawer? You don't have a kitchen?
Where are you currently standing at the moment? A room. That's very helpful, let's try to narrow it down. Are you in your house? Good. Are you in your kitchen? Kitchen? The food room. Yes, counters, sink, that sounds...toilet? No, that's wrong. That's your bathroom. Why on earth do you think that would be a food room? Don't answer, just leave that room alone.
You need to find your kitchen. It will have some of the things that were in your bathroom, but it won't have a toilet. There will also be such things like a stove, refrigerator, microwave, maybe a dishwasher, blender, mixer.. what is that look? That's a lost look, isn't it? You're lost. In your house. It's okay, don't cry, we'll find your kitchen.
Let me ask you this, when you are hungry, where do you go?
That's the bathroom, you are really scaring me right now.
You know what, forget it. The entire point of finding your kitchen is to look through your junk drawer for pizza delivery fliers, and it occurs to me that every drawer you own is probably a junk drawer, so we should cut our losses and move on.
What we need is a phone book. No, not a book that looks like a phone, rather, a large, usually yellow book that has lots and lots of phone numbers in it. There's a very good chance that it's near your phone. So let's try that.
Your phone. You make phone calls on it. Knowing you, it probably looks like Mickey Mouse or perhaps a plastic football.
Or the Starship Enterprise. Of course. I should have known.
I'm glad you've found the phone, we're going to need that, so hold onto it. Now what about a phone book? No, that's a dictionary. Yes, it's a big book but it doesn't have any numbers in it, does it? Numbers. We're looking for numbers.
No, that's a book on Quantum Physics. What the Hell are you doing with that?
Why are you still carrying around the Starship Enterprise? Oh right, I told you to hold onto it. It was a figure of speech. What I meant was set it down, but remember where you put it.
I don't know, mark the spot with something.