http://gantchase.ytmnd.com/

Phoenix is gonna get raped. >:0

Don't get me wrong, I love Zelda. But when it comes to her I love putting her on a pedestal when I can, but nothing pleases me more then to cut her down in the games. D:

Princess Zelda, from the Legend of Zelda: The title is her freakin NAMESAKE, and yet Nintendo is a sexist douche about her. She's never had her own spin-off series like her counter-part (Peach, who is a serious v****a, btw)

In fact, why the ******** is she the guardian to the Triforce of Wisdom, if everything that happened in the series is her fault? Think about it.

1) Twilight Princess: She totally could have take Zant on. Instead, she surenders, and Twilight infects the land. :/
They could have gotten away with excluding her, because she had nothing to do with the plot, and only appeared three times in the entire bloody game! D:<
By now she only still in there because the damn title is Legend of Zelda, not Link. >_>
(P.S. LEARN TO AIM YOUR DAMN LIGHT ARROWS PROPERLY YOU STUPID WENCH! D:<)

2) Ocarina of Time: I know she was only, like, 12 at the time, but still, instead of informing the King, she decides to take matters into her own hands, thus sending Link into a vertual s**t-hole, forcing him to get the remaining spiritual stones, thus opening the door of time and allowing the local crazed magical dictator to enter their sacred realm and spilt a sacred relic of their goddess into three pieces. Not only that, but in the process it caused poor Link to lose his child-hood and force him to go on even more dangerous s**t to awaken the 5 sages of Hyrule.
HAY ZELDA GUESS WUT :U

GANON COULDN'T GET THE SPIRITUAL STONES BY HIM-SELF
HE DIDN'T KNOW THE SONG TO PLAY AT THE TEMPLE OF TIME
YOU JUST SENT LINK TO COLLECT THE s**t HE COULDN'T GET FOR HIMSELF

Zelda, you're a retard. :U

3) Wind Waker: I know it's her decendant this time, but the douche-bag gene must run in the family. :/
If Princess Tetra hadn't gone to Outset Island and gotten kidnaped by the Helmeroc King, Link's sister Ayril would have gotten kidnaped, thus (you guessed it) forcing him to go on an epic quest to save her a**. :/
Oh, she totally deserved the b***h-slap Ganon sent her way. >_>

4) The Legend of Zelda (Original): "OH NOES. GANON IS AFTER MEEEE!! I NEED TO DO THE SMART THING AND BREAK MY TRIFORCE OF WISDOM INTO EIGHT EASY TO TRACT DOWN PIECES! D8"
Seriously, do you really think BREAKING the damn thing would stop him? The dungeons you hid the shards in are CRAWLING WITH GANON'S MINIONS, THEY COULD HAVE JUST GOTTEN THE DAMN PIECES WHILE YOU WHERE BUISSY BEING A v****a. And you forced Link to go clean up your s**t AGAIN (You have to stop doing that young lady... :/)
And once Link brought all the stupid pieces together, he went to go fight Ganon, which was assentially like delivering the thing to him. :/

5) The Minish Cap: BlahblahblahPicoriblahblahblahmagicswordblahblahblahVaatiblahblahblahstone.
As If Zelda couldn't get any stupider. She leaves the castle unattended, waltzes into Link's house without knocking, and interupts him from his all-important smithing work, just to go to some stupid festival based off off tiny little gnome like creatures. WTF. She turns into stone when Vaati shows up because she could create a force field to defend herself from tiny flying octorocks, but from some reason when Vaati threw a curse at her, all of a sudden she COULN'T make her magic work, and Link felt the need to be her meat shield, thus knocking him out. (Why do you do these things for her Link? :/)

Is it just me, or does Zelda always put her hand on her chest, turn her head away from you, and appologize for all the s**t she puts you through?

Nintendo needs to get over their boners for damsels in distress and start actually putting that title to good use... :/

But don't worry, I'm writing three stories and flash movies about what it would be like to have Zelda as the main character of the story, the second of which is what it would be like if Zelda was the hero Twilight Princess. It's time our pretty princess got her own fame and fortune. ;0

Bishie list. >:3

1) Phoenix Wright, from Ace Attorney: Phoenix Wright I-III (And Gyakuten Saiban IV as Hobohodo >:0): Because he's the only real handsome one, he's sweet, he's a lawyer, a grade A stud muffin, and has a mistical jewel that can create physical manifestations of people's secrets and lies. >:0
No one can resist his spiky hair and lightning bolt-shaped eyebrows! >:3

2) Kalas, from Baten Kaitos I (Eternal Wings, and the Lost Ocean): His...blue hair...it's so...fluffy. He may act like a hard-a**, but deep down we all know he's really an inocent kitten. >:3
I just turn off the voice-acting to ignore his poorly chosen, incompetent voice actor. :b

2) Guillo from Baten Kaitos II (Origins): While she's not actually a male...or female...or alive...or a bishie even... <_< >_>
She's Sagi's kick-a** Archane Puppet with a feminine figure and a male and female voice speaking simultainiously. Although she's sarcastic most of the time, deep down she has a heart of gold... ;3 (Maybe even literally, *coughmetalbodycough*)

3) Apollo Justice from Gyakuen Saiban IV (Or Phoenix Wright, the Apollo Justice Arc) : He's also a lawyer, adorable because he's easily flustered, uptight, and has a vibrating bracelet that reacts to people's nervous habits. >:0
No one can resist his hair prongs and fork-shaped eyebrows! >:3

4) Link, from the Legend of Zelda: He's pretty....................................*WHAT?!*

5) Sosuke Sagura, from Full Metal Panic: Uptight, serious, airheaded, teenage-military nut and secretly a member of an anti-terrorist organisation? It's a wonder why he's still single. >:0

6) Toa Lewa and Toa Vakama, from Bionicle: Lewa is friendly energetic, crazy, a good friend, and just plain adorable. Plus he's a Toa of Air. >:0
Vakama is all of the above, plus a valiant leader, and a Toa of Fire. the first one, in fact. >:0

Anti-Bishie list. D:<

1) Miles Edgeworth, from Phoenix Wright I-III: Because he's emo, over-rated by the fangirls, and lacks personality... D:<

2) Lyude from Baten Kaitos I: Because he puts a new meaning on the word "pretty boy", he's a total v****a, his voice-actor sucks, AND MAN IS HIS CHARACTER A BAG OF DOUCHE! D:

3) Toa Tahu, from Bionicle: Basically, the secondary a**-hole-ish version of Vakama, with a hot temper and a serious power complex. :/
He doesn't deserve to be the Toa of Fire. :/

More to despise later...TOODLES. >:0