About my Insanity
Hello there, you can call me Ghosteh.
I'm nothing special, just some random chic who has the tendency to enjoy scaring people out of their wits by acting crazy. Yeah.
I like drawing, but I'm not very good at, despite what my friends say. They need glasses. I write stories, but those are quite awful, too. I love music and reading.
And that's... about it.
Currently obsessed with: ...
Currently hating on: ...
(R.I.P: Jiicar, Hamtoro, Shylee, Vitamin, Tiger, China, Dollar, Junior, Miko, Pokeh, Saimee, Gypsy, Muffins, Silver, Sugar, Boots, Crystal, Sleak, Sky, Slink, and Oliver. /sniffle )
Background by Starlightmks
MY FANGIRLS
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It is. It's nuts that we even became friends, because we seemed to be completely different people. He is a Christian, a very good athlete, and he was very popular at our school. Me... Atheist, only a dancer, and not a very good one, and mostly avoided by others, unless they wanted something. We both draw and write, and love Star Wars, we had a lot of classes in common, and about the same time that we started talking, we got new seats in English, and we sat next to each other in the back of the class. We just played checkers on his ipod the entire time. It was great. He started to follow me around, and wear this rainbow scarf that I crocheted for myself, and one day, he just rested his head on my shoulder, and kind of rested his hand on mine... And it's been going great since.
I actually am, you people just don't know it. I spoiled him this Christmas, and he won't admit it, but he loved it. I make him treats all the time. When he still lived in town, he'd come over, and I'd cook dinner for him. He can handle my Captain Jack Sparrow obsession, and teases me about it all the time. We have little nerd offs over Star Wars, and people must think we're nuts.
I'd love to just jump in, head first, but not with him. I've gotta protect him from getting hurt.
The guy that I was talking about earlier, the one who cheated on me, told me he wanted to have kids while we were still in high school. Yeeeaaaahhh... I didn't really know what to say to him... It scared me... My weak will told me to just go along with it... My fiance is a Christian. We have had sex, but we stopped, because he always felt guilty afterwards, and neither of us liked that. I have a strange feeling that he might just want to make that commitment, so that in the eyes of the Lord, he isn't sinning. If it is anything like that, he better tell me. If he honestly wants to get married, then I will say yes, but it get put off for at least a year, or until we can afford a place for both of us to live.
Well... I honestly think it just came about, because his mom is getting married soon. I think he just caught the bug, but not enough to make a legal commitment. I think it might just blow over, when he chickens out. We're both only 18, going to school in different towns, and we don't get to see each other all that often... We've kind of gotten out of touch with each other, and I think he's afraid of losing me. If he doesn't chicken out, I'm afraid that he's going to want to, like, start a family, which is something that I will never be ready to do. I can't control my anger sometimes, and I turn very violent, and I don't want children to become my target. I take care of his baby sister sometimes, but not enough to get my temper up. I want this to just blow over, so that we can keep what we have, and not force it into something that it's not ready to be, and if things fall apart, then it's better to not be married with kids when that happens.
Yeeeaaaahhhh... He's a friend. Like, a boyfriend. We've both had relationship issues, he more than I, and we have our own little damages that make us unbearable at times, but we've decided to turn it into a permanent relationship. So, rather than appearing in front of a huge crowd of people, we'll just pick a day to write our vows, and give them to the other person to keep. We'll tell people that we're married, but it won't be legal.
Well, I still have really strong feelings for the one who cheated on me, verbally abused me, and used me to cheat on his girlfriend, without telling me he was dating someone new.
I would never go back to him though, and I don't understand why someone would. The pain that he caused me is unforgivable.
I don't know... If I were in your shoes, I'd like to think that I would be able to tell him to make a choice over the unfaithful girl who continuously hurts him, or the girl who is always there for him, whom he is hurting by leading along, but I've been blinded by guys before, and I know the lengths I have gone to to keep a guy interested in me... No, I do not approve, because he is just gonna cause you pain. And looks are not a good enough reason to keep him around xD
TELL ME EVERYTHING.