Hola:3

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it"

"If I was president I would live at White Castle instead of the White House...I'd be so much cooler"

"If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane."

"I intend to live forever, or die trying."

"No Trespassers. Violators will be shot. Survivors will be shot again."

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing."

"Murderer? Well, that's a harsh word. I prefer to think of myself as a Mortality Technician."

"When people talk to God, it's called prayer. When God talks back, it's called schizophrenia."

"Don't knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away...He hates that."

"I used to have superpowers, but my therapist took them away."

"Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them."

"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."

"The best thing about Alzheimer's is: You can hide your own Easter eggs."

"The difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver is this: A bad golfer goes **WHACK** DANG! A bad skydiver goes DANG! **WHACK**"

"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."