474 Things To Do When You're Bored

Wax the ceiling
- Rearrange political campaign signs
- Sharpen your teeth
- Play Houdini with one of your siblings
- Braid your dog's hair
- Clean and polish your belly button
- Water your dog...see if he grows
- Wash a tree
- Knight yourself
- Name your child Edsel
- Scare Stephen King
- Give your cat a mohawk
- Purr
- Mow your carpet
- Play Pat Boone records backwards
- Vacuum your lawn
- Sleep on a bed of nails
- DON'T toss and turn
- Boil ice cream
- Run around in squares
- Think of quadruple entendres
- Speak in acronyms
- Have your pillow X-rayed
- Drink straight shots...of water
- Calmly have a nervous breakdown
- Give your goldfish a perm
- Fly a brick
- Play tag...on West 35th Street
- Exorcise a ghost
- Exercise a ghost
- Be blue
- Be red
- But don't be orange
- Plant a shoe
- Sweat
- Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil
- Turn
- Write a letter to Plato
- Mail it
- Take your sofa for a walk
- Start
- Stop
- Dial 911 and breathe heavily
- Go to a funeral...tell jokes
- Play the piano...with mittens on
- Scheme
- Sit
- Stay
- Water your family room
- Cause a power failure
- Roll over
- Play dead
- Find a witch
- Burn her
- Donate your brother's body to science
- Ask why
- Wriggle
- Regress
- Sleepwalk without sleeping
- Try to join Hell's Angels by mail
- Wonder
- Be a square root
- Ask stupid questions
- Weld your car doors shut
- Spew
- Vacation at Three-Mile Island
- Surf Ohio
- Teach your pet rock to play dead
- Go bowling for small game
- Be a monk...for a day
- Wear a sweatband to your wedding
- Staple
- Run away
- Intimidate a piece of chalk
- Abuse the plumbing
- Bend a florescent light
- Bend a brick
- Annoy total strangers
- Let the best man win
- Believe in Santa Claus
- Throw marshmallows against the wall
- Hold an ice cube as long as possible
- Adopt strange mannerisms
- Blow up a balloon until it pops
- Sing soft and sweet and clear
- Sing loud and sour and gravely
- Open everything
- Balance a pencil on your nose
- Pour milk in your shoes
- Write graffiti under the rug
- Embarrass yourself
- Grind your teeth
- Chew ice
- Count your belly button
- Sit in a row
- Stack crumbs
- Gesture
- Save your toenail clippings
- Make a pass at your blender
- Punt
- Make up words that start with X
- Make oatmeal in the bathtub
- Search for the Lost Chord
- Chew on a sofa cushion
- Sing a duet
- Balance a pillow on your head
- Hold your breath
- Faint
- Stretch
- Flash your mailman
- Teach your TA English
- Learn to speak Farsi
- Swear in Russian
- Use an eraser until it goes away
- Disassemble your car
- Put it together inside out
- Record your walls
- Interview your feet
- Make a list of your favorite fungi
- Sell formaldehyde
- Repeat
- Ad lib
- Fade
- File your teeth


- Recopy the Bible substituting your name for God
- Loosen the lug nuts on your dad's new car
- Drop your cat off the roof to see if it lands on all four feet
- Count the bags under Walter Mondale's eyes
- Unscrew all the lightbulbs and rearrange the furniture
- Found the Jim Jones School of Bartending
- Listen for non-satanic messages (i.e. "Drink milk")
- Dress like Motley Crue...surprise your grandmother
- Dial-a-Prayer and tell them they're wrong
- Go into a bar and ask for a Molotov Cocktail
- Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire
- Make a drive-in window at your local bank where there wasn't one before
- Walk on water...but don't get caught
- Confess to a crime...that didn't happen
- Be in the wrong place at the right time
- Plot the overthrow of your local School Board
- Request covert assistance from the CIA
- Discover the source of the Mississippi
- Search for buried treasure...in Nebraska
- Hot wax the bottom of your brother's dress shoes
- Preach the philosophy of Marx...Groucho, that is
- Drink as much prune juice as you can
- Write a book about your previous life
- Serve ping-pong balls...as hors d'oeuvres
- Jump up and down...on your alarm clock
- Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins
- Sterilize your stereo...with Jack Daniels
- Carve you and your girlfriend's initials...in a marshmallow
- Drive the speed limit...in your garage
- Sing the national anthem...during your calculus final
- Wear a three-piece suit...in a sauna
- Pay off the national debt...with a bad check
- Go to a cemetary and verbally abuse dead people
- Give yourself a hernia...for Christmas
- Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes
- Recite romantic poetry...to your toaster
- See if you really can build a nuclear device in your own basement
- Go to McDonald's and pretend you can't speak English
- Write to your congressmen, senators, President, etc. to tell them what a good
- job they're doing...On April 1st
- Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor
- Take apart all your major kitchen appliances...mix and match them
- Turn your TV picture tube upside down
- Phone in a death threat on President Kennedy
- Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets
- Carry a tune...drop it, see if it breaks
- Be planar...but don't tell your parents
- Play hockey with your little cousin...as the puck
- Make a deal with the devil...but keep your fingers crossed
- Put instant concrete in your big brother's waterbed
- Give a lecture on the historical significance of cream cheese
- Debate politics with a fern
- See how small you can scrunch your face
- Sell firewood door to door...in Atlantis
- Found the TLO (Toledo Liberation Organization)
- Play nuclear chicken with a small third world nation
- Raise professional certified racing turnips
- Give your grandmother a raise and another day of paid vacation
- Lead an aerobics class...for patients of the I.C.U.
- Go to a drive-in movie in a tank
- Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank and drive in anyway
- Send President Reagan an alarm clock...wind it up first
- Found a cockroach stable and stud ranch
- Send your goldfish to obedience school
- Free the oppressed toasters of America
- Weave a tablecloth out of copper tubing
- Give your cat a suntan...in the microwave
- Park your car...with a friend
- Park your car...with a group of friends
- Frame your first statement of bankruptcy
- Place it on the wall of your office
- Solve the population problem (x^2 y^2 = population...solve for x)
- Contribute to the population problem
- Wear a T-shirt that says "I'll walk on you to see The Who" and a peace sign
- Practice the Aztec method of heart removal on your professor
- Find out who made the super glue commercials and give them your Ginsu knife
- Get Ronco and K-tel to merge...they sell the same stuff anyway
- Sneak into a nuclear physics lab and stay the night
- Play with anything that looks interesting
- Drop piston engines on two people and see who squishes first
- See if your goldfish can live in Coors rather than water
- Try to ignite water...the Mississippi might work
- Draw Venn diagrams...screw them up
- State fallacies as fact (like, "peanuts grow on bushes")
- Visit the Architecture building...loudly criticize its design
- Make a schematic drawing...of a rock
- Wallpaper your laundry room...with pages from books you don't like
- See if diamonds really do cut glass...on everything in your neighbor's house
- Tenderize your tongue...chew on it for a while
- See how long you can stare at a fluorescent light...try green
- Bronze your sister's turtle
- See how long it takes for her to notice
- See what she does when she notices
- Bronze your sister- If you lose, stop watering it and try again.
- Increase your territorial holdings by force
- Find out how many ways there really are to skin a cat
- Boldly go where no man has gone before
- Be a threat to the American way of life
- Do research into the cause of World War III
- Be a threat to the Northwestern Tibetan way of life
- Re-establish the Roman Empire...in Pittsburgh