s**t 'bout me
I'm a horizon- chasing, adventure- crazy maniac who can't remember left from right sometimes. But hey, that's just me.
I'm going to level with you here- I'm neither skilled or sane enough to be able to put everything that I want to tell you down in this text column, but I'll try.
I'm tall. (Yup, out of everything that I could have started with, this is it.)
I've been reminded everyday of my life of my "above average height."
And not always by people telling me- sometimes its the shower head because I tower over it (thank Martha Washington its detachable) or the fact that when I go shopping I have to buy 35 Longs which happens to be the LONGEST my favorite store sells. I seldom wear heels; I don't want to make any of you men out there feel emasculated.
I, Dephy, (or dinosaur for those of you who knew me in primary school) am one tall b***h. This, while being a permanent part of who I am, is a setback for me because I'm too tall to do what I've always wanted to: act
"Why, Dephy," you say in your overly enthusiastic voice, "you can still be an actress if you're tall!!!!"
Yes, but I don't want to be just an actress. I want to act professionally in musical theatre or Broadway.
Ethel Merman, Mary Martin, Gwen Verdon, Carol Channing- all legendary women who have graced the stage. My favorite current leading lady would be Sierra Boggess: 5'5 and 120 pounds of absolute beauty.
So what did the little voices in my head say to me? That I'll never reach my goals- my dreams.
I listened to them. I decided to forget about music and acting; two things that are as important to me as breathing. I left that behind and became a medical student. I'm going to say this as bluntly as possible:
I HATED IT. HATE.
"Dephy!!!!!" You say in a shocked voice, "Hate is such a strong word!!!"
YES, I KNOW AND I MEAN IT. HATE.
I'm terrible at math. I'm terrible at chemistry. I had no idea what in the hell anyone was talking about. What in the deepest depths of hell was I thinking when I chose my damned major?
This is what I was thinking:
I really want this.
No- you honestly don't.
I'll make loads of money as a cardiologist and save people!!!
IF you even make it to medical school- not to mention your newly acquired queasiness at the sight of blood.
In the words of Albert Einstein “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
I was the fish.
I started school off well. Studied hard and received good grades. I was making myself take interest in things like anatomy and forgetting my love for poetry. I would watch tapes of surgeries instead of my favorite performances.
All of a sudden my grades started dropping and I started skipping class; didn't try at all. Out of the 17 credit hours I was taking that semester, I ended up finishing 3 of them- with a D. Yeah, what a waste of money and what effort I had at the beginning.
So I decided to take a semester off to collect my thoughts, reassess my priorities, and figure out what in the s**t I want out of life.
But I already know what I want out of life. To perform. Its the one thing I think about every night before I go to sleep and the first thing that I think of when I wake up. Its my calling. I want to have enough money to take acting, singing, and dance lessons. I WANT ALL OF THESE THINGS but I have to put in the work for them.
I have never been the kind of person who takes "NO" for an answer and I'm sure as hell not going to listen to MY inner voice say that I can't do something that I've wanted since ******** birth.
So here I am in all my tallness and that's never going to change. I'm proud of my attention drawing height and my ability to get cans off of the top shelf.
Who says that female performers in musical theatre have to be a certain size? Who says I can't be who I want to be? Maybe one day you'll see me up on stage singing my heart and soul out; moving people.
I'm going to reach the heights of all I can be.
And that's pretty damned TALL.
I hope you follow and reach your dreams
But I hope you stumble a few times getting there
Because that's the only way you're going to cherish every second of success.