About
Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the girl I am...isn't me. Don't say you know me, when I don't even know myself. I think I'm afraid of being happy because everytime I'm happy, something bad always happens When I do something great, no one ever seems to remember, but when I do something wrong, no one can ever seem to forget. I wake up and think dreams are real. I sleep so I don't have to feel. Behind my smile is everything you'll never understand. No matter what, no matter who, no matter what I do, somebody hates me. Cause ******** up takes practice, and I feel I'm well rehearsed. I didn't want to admit it. It was easier to lie. Hide the hurt and emptiness to smile instead of cry. I've learned it takes years to build up trust, but only seconds to destroy it. Life doesn't hurt until you think about how much things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it was your fault. Have you ever felt so alone and nothing makes sense? Well that's how I feel right now...I feel like I'm facing everything myself, with nothing but tears and a fake smile... I don't know if I'm getting better or just used to the pain When I cry at night, the only thing I can think to myself is...how can I seem so---perfectly fine in the morning. Why do I smile like nothing is wrong? And how does not one single person notice that I'm not okay? I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any more of me left. Everything that ever cause a tear to trickle down my cheeks, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I don't know what to do. I just know that the pain I felt so long ago, it's hurting ten times more. I wanna get lost from my life sometimes, sit on the side and watch the world go by, I wanna get lost and I don't know why Have you ever lived my life, have you ever spent one minute in my shoes? If you haven't, then tell me why you judge me like you do Every morning you get up and put on a fake smile...but what if one morning you didn't? Would anyone notice? I just don't feel like I know myself very well right now, so how can I be sure about anything? Most of the time I feel so awkward, you know, like I don't belong in my own skin, I get frustrated at everything, I could just scream and there's no reason for it, I just hate myself I'm going to smile...and make you think I'm happy...I'm going to laugh...so you don't see me cry...and even if it kills...I'm going to smileSometimes. I lay in my room and wonder what it would be like to live without you. I don't have a clue about what to do if I ever lose you. So promise me you'll stay forever in my arms.
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Farewell Lady Cherry :3