About

One day Jesus walked into a Dunkin' Donughts and said "Deliver unto me a poppy seed bagel cut neatly down the enter and slathered with cream cheese. Do this small favor for me and Amen, Amen I say to you you will be in paradise with me today. You're going to have a heart attack later...that's why." Later that day he was crucified. The clouds parted, the temple tore apart and the dead rose. Roman soldiers stood around saying "Oh, s**t. It's the Son of God."

So, just the other day, I was walking down the street. I noticed something in the gutter. I bent down and picked up what appeared to be half a cat sticking out of the mouth of a dead raccon. Apparently the racoon had been run over by the girls varsity lacrosse team while it was eating. But then I went to the something in the gutter (relize that the catcoon was just a random useless chunk of information). The thing in the gutter appeared to be a very old and very wise bag of potato chips. Wise in the sense that it had wisdom, not in the sense that it was made by Wise...well it was made by Wise which when you think about it is ironic in a subtley near subtle way...almost. Anyway, the wise chip bag spoke, words crumbling from deep within as it's crinkly mouth forced out each syllable. It spoke of days gone by. It spoke of a time when soy chips had yet to contaminate the markey with their vile healthiness. It ended with the wisest words of wisdom Wise ever put into a wise Wise chipbag. It said "Son, when you're old and discarded sitting in a roadside gutter, you relize something: Life is never nearly as bad as you didn't think it could never had gotten. Also, you begin to relize just how truly terrifying leafblowers can be." I stopped and contemplated these words. Then I stepped on it and kept going.

There is nothing worse in life than an orange peel chewing your toes...just you try to think of worse
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Government is another way to say
Better
Than
You.

It's like ice but no pick
A murder charge that won't stick
It's like a whole other world
Where you can smell the food
But you can't touch the silverware

Hah, what luck
Fascism you can vote for
Isn't that sweet

And we're all gonna die some day
Because thats the American way
And I've drunk too much
And said too little
When your gaffer taped in the middle
Say a prayer, save face
Get yourself together and (see whats happening)