As she sits next to me, i look away… and for that moment, even in her presence, my heart sinks. i find myself missing her. my head turns again. this time in her direction, and our eyes meet. they widen, and all sight is gone. i find myself numb, sitting content, and staring in her direction. my heart fills up once again… and it continues to overflow each and every second that i spend looking in her direction.

So now you're screaming at the top of your lungs,
Hoping for someone to come.
Hoping they'll bring a gun,
To inflict all the pain
I caused upon you.

This place that I dream about and will soon call my home. So many are there unwillingly. I would love to go and have a blast. I don't see what all the fuss is about. Maybe because I haven't experienced being there myself that it sucks. But soon enough, it will be my home.
Faceless expression of when they who do enter is priceless. Soon will I be the one to break this streak o faceless expression and have joy going to my home. It is my future home and I must cherish it. There is no place like home. Many do not like to speak of the place I want to go. It is my sanctuary.
Let the darkside of this place have no light. I want my home to be dark as can be. I will want to wander and not have to see light for which it was created by god. I am a hater of god and no one will dare follow in the practices I do. I drown in the dark forever because I am at most comfortable in my new home. This is my new home. And forever will it be mine.
I shall roam here forever because I belong here. Disobeyed every law as I can think that belongs to him. I shall not be passed to the gates of his to enter. Be thrown down and suffer for all eternity. For my new home is hell. I will suffer in hell and walk as I be tortured in the dark. Let no man follow in the way that I have chosen. For it is for me to go and no other to follow. Being the last of the bunch of the fallen angel and disobeying him. I am one with Satan and forever will be suffering in the pits of the burning fire. I lay dead for all eternity. For now hell is my new home.

Dearest Love, I hope this message finds you well. As these endless thoughts drip from my soul. Every single word secretly paints like a fairytale of when we melt into one. Eyes forfeit sight to the pain, cold scalpel's steel whispers tear at my very core as i cling to memories of you. I'm so scared. I need you with me. Were the last words that i wrote for you enough to tell you that in my death the light that shone through my painful darkness was a blinding vision of your eternal smile. Will the beauty of your pen ever cross my eyes again? Was this all a lie? WHY!??! If my words even reach you, I'll assume you don't care

I never knew that silence could cut so deep or that you can twist the blade. Now i curse all of your beautiful lies. I love you and goodbye......