About

This is What You Wanted Isn't it???!!!

You wanted me to talk to you, and talk to you I could not,
But now you're gone ne'r to speak... and I feel feverish and hot.


I woke up today with an ache in my head, one that wouldn't leave,
And as I thought of what you said, I cry, I scream, I heave.


Alone now, here... in silence and pain... I feel what you said once more,
As I sit here still, a lonely mess, curled into a ball on the floor.



I open my eyes that are crusted with tears, and the tips of my lids do bleed,
Wishing this pain wasn't in my chest... wishing you could see.


But at last you remember what said to me, you didn't even care,
And now I'm here alone in my room... filled with YOUR dispare.


You took me away from the me that was, and you crushed the one that is now,
You took from me... EVERYTHING... and now bleeding from my browe.



I tried to lay down, but the pain wouldn't let me and the pain steals my life,
As the death inside of me waits to be free... it's a feeling so unright.


But what do you care... I'm just a boy... I've nothing to offer at all,
I'm a fool? I'm a coward? A potential-less cur? Who deserves not more than to fall?
Is what you said to me those nights, what you truly wanted to say?
All along when I loved you so... you couldn't tell me the truth the first day?

Tell me now, was I ever more? More than your newest victim?
Another you left alone in his room to die, to press his eyes out with his thumb?
You didn't care, not half as much, as you would like me to believe...
And now that I realize I'm alone again... I cry, I SCREAM, I heave!!!!
You did this to me everyday, when you said those hurtful things,
A month and three weeks have passed since that day and it still BURNS, and it still STINGS!

But who am I, remember my sweet? I'm not but another toy,
But remember love you're more than you think... You were in love with this young boy...
Doesn't it hurt? To see me like this? Doesn't it hurt at all?
My friends and my family, worried for me... Cuz I took the hardest fall...
They see my pain, and try to help, but for you it was ALWAYS YOU,
Don't sit there one second and tell me otherwise, you know it's ******** true.



Maybe it would do you good, to see what's on my skin...
The blackouts I had, the moments of terror, the moments of my sins!!!
The stress of being perfect for you, the perfect little man,
Look at me now, look what you did... Don't you understand?!
Of course you don't, I have to explain... as if you're seven years old,
What the hell is wrong with you, how could you be so bold?

I bled for you, in literal terms, and my emotions did as well,
Now whenever I go to school each day, my friends know I feel like I'm in hell.


What was it once said, by a closest friend... what was it that she said?
Ah yes, I remember, "You're a mask of depression" which means I look nearly dead.


And if she can notice, then so can they... all of my closest friends,
They all love me enough to care, to want this pain for me to end.



So yes my sweet... my first TRUE love... which I didn't realize till now.


My blue eyes bleed, my heart does hurt... and I don't need to tell you how.


You lied to me from day one's start... you were fooled only by yourself,
And using me to hide behind, like a coward... a child... a whelp.


Well... leave me now... if you must... but realize these things,
It's all your falt for lying to me... and you don't even care what unhappiness you bring....

Maybe you should bleed like me, maybe you should see,
The scars on my legs aren't the only pain... and you don't even know me.
You never did for how much you'd said... thought you had me figured out,
But look at what you did to me, look what you brought about.




By Damon Patterson
Aka The Lonely Boy