About

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle.

Girl: Slow down, i'm scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No it's not, please, it's so scary.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, slow down.
Guy: Now give me a big hug
*She gave him a big hug*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself, It's really bothering me.

The next day in the newspaper, a motorcycle crashed into a building due to brake failure. Two people were in the crash, but only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road the guy realized that the breaks weren't working, but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loves him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so that she would live, even if it meant that he would die. If you would do the same for the person you love, copy this in your profile. <3


~Akatsuki Leader ~

Pein is very busy, so I, Uchiha Itachi, will be writing the rest of the Guide, and will explain the rules and requirements of our organization to the best of my ability.

Requirements:

Items marked * are mandatory.

- Cloak*
- Hat
- Standard Akatsuki fishnet Shirt (Any other sort of shirt is acceptable)
-Standard Akatsuki pants*
- White leg warmers (This in no way associates us with Maito Gai)*
- Sandals*
- Purple nail polish*
- S-ranked, or, “Kick a**” Ninja Skills*
- Poker skills
- Loyalty to the leader*
- Ring ( For fully qualified members. Not required for subordinates, e.g: Tobi)

FAQ

And now, I will answer some questions frequently asked by subordinates, new members, and fangirls.

What is your goal?

That would be a spoiler. It’s in the manga. I’ll leave you to read that on your own.

How do I become a fully qualified Akatsuki?

Since all ten rings are taken, a member would have to die before it would be possible to promote a subordinate. But if a space was available, you would have to prove that you have what it takes to be one of us. Challenging an existing member is one way, another is to survive watching 48 hours of the teletubbies. I suggest the first option, as no one has survived the latter.

Why do you wear those weird outfits?

The leader loves the bell hat, and the cloak is good for hiding out movements. Also, we wear them to prove that we look good in anything.

Will you marry me, Itachi?

No. I’m spoken for.


Rules

These rules are to be followed by all members. Failure to do so will be punished severly by the leader. All Akatsukis' must agree to the following:

1. The leader shall never be referred to as "Hey you!"
2. Sasori is NOT “Pinoccio.”
3. Art is a bang. Do not contradict this statement.
4. There is nothing strange about Deidara saying “un.”
5. Do not start saying “Un” yourself.
6. Kisame is blue. This do not justify singing “Eiffel65” songs in his presence. Unless you can't help yourself in that case call him "Fishy" then sing. If done, prepaired to have your legs cut off.
7. Zetsu is allowed to contradict himself as much as he wants to.
8. No prank phone calls to Otogakure. As amusing as it is to annoy Orochimaru, the long distance bills make it detrimental to our fund-raising. In-coming calls are ok.
9. No eating Muffins. EVER. Cake is ok.
10. No “Fish are friends not food” jokes to Kisame. Behind his is ok.
11. No humming of the “Jaws” theme, either. Again, behind his back is ok.
12. No comparing our plans to that of “Pinky and the Brain.”
13. Do not sing “Don't Feed the Plants” around Zetsu.
14. The “Barbie girl song” is banned from the headquarters.
15. Tobi is fair game for any teasing, taunting, or abuse. Just make sure when he goes emo, to stop.
16. No suicide attempts (THIS MEANS YOU, DEIDARA AND LEADER!)
17. Deidara’s clay is not a plaything.
18. What happens at poker night, stays at poker night.
19. Keeps sake and suger away from Kisame and Tobi at all costs.
20. Bathe regularly.
21. Nothing said while drunk should be taken seriously.
22. Nothing said while drunk should be repeated.
23. Kakuzu is not “ Mr. Monopoly” or “Scrooge,” and should not be referred to as such.
24. No ordering Pizza to the hideout.
25. You are in no way “Bringing sexy back.”
26. We will conquer all small villages, except for Crazy no sato. Their leader baked our leader cookies. (They were yummy)
27. Marshmallows are evil. PURE EVIL.
28. Micheal Jackson does resemble Orochimaru. It is right to imply that he does.
29. Hidan does indeed resemble a porcelain doll. But please refrain from pointing that out. For safety reasons.
30. Do not, under any circumstances, remove Tobi's mask without permission
31. No streaking. (I’m talking to YOU, Kisame.)
32. DeixSaso fanfiction is strictly prohibited.
33. DeixTobi fanfiction is also prohibited.
34. Itachi is not to be referred to as an “Emo kid.” (Even if he is)
35. Or an “Angst monkey” (This is there cause monkeys are cute)
36. Deidara is not to be referred to as anybody’s “b***h”
37. You are not “Luke” nor am I your father.
38. The “I’m not wearing underwear” song is banned.
39. We are not “Akatsukilicious”
40. Hidan is NOT “Draco Malfoy.”
41. Do not sell Sasori’s puppets over “Ebay”
42. Even if “It’s what he would have wanted” (Unless your an upset Tobi looking to get back at him)
43. You are NOT “The Real Slim Shady”
44. No tackle-glomping anyone smaller than you are, for safety reasons.
45. Though funny, do not tell Tobi that he is “The weakest link, goodbye.”
46. “My little pony” does not belong in the Akatsuki hideout.
47. No singing, or dancing to the “Pepto Bismol” song.
48. “Save a horse, Ride a weasel” is NOT funny. (Well it is but if you really want to get Itachi say chipmunks kick weasel a** on American Idiol)
49. No one cares if you “know where Waldo is.”
50. There will be absolutely NO “going commando” under the Akatsuki cloak. ( This means YOU, Hidan)
51. DO NOT f**k UP
52. Dont piss Itachi off at least if you dont want to die. (Or any other Akatsuki member for that matter, except Tobi. 'Cause Tobi is a good boy. *thumbs up*)
53. If you sing "If your happy and you know it, clap your hands" your dead. (It's degrading to weasels and fish who dont have hands)
54.(Added by Itachi himself) Also I'll kill you if you are a new guy and think Itachifangirl2469 (Leader) is hot. (He has a thing for her...)
55.If you ever ever say "Weasel Boy" or "Uchiha the Weasel Guy", your dead.
56. (Added by Tobi) Always remember to bake Tobi cookies! (Presents are always welcome by Tobi)
57. Tobi will break any and all rules set up by the Akatsuki, by accedient AND on purpose.
58. Don't try to feed Zetsu. (He bites!)
59. Don't tick off any of the Akatsuki. They will kill you in your sleep. (Unless your Tobi of course, then it's just funny.)
60. All Akatsuki members must love Tobi or they will be constantly glomped and or tackled or un-loved.

Follow these regulations carefully, and you will be able to fit into this organization. Please dispose of this message carefully, so that it cannot be apprehended by enemies. (Burning, eating, etc.) Now, you've completed your first lesson of what it means to be an Akatsuki. Congratulations, and good luck. (If you are a member please post on your profile)
-Uchiha Itachi (And Tobi too!)