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I don't know the lyrics to alot of popular Christmas songs...My mom does and I've lived with her my whole life...and she sings them every year...

You'd think I'd know them.

I do not.

I have to make up my own lyrics and taht is awfully hard to do. the majority of the time they don't have anything to do with Christmas...or the birth of Jesus.

Actually they tend to ba about the signs on the streets or the actions my cats seem to be making.

I should learn the words....

I am having a horrible December, but a lovely Christmas.

My church peoples have brought me dinner tonight. It was pretty cool.

Oh i should probably explain why they would do that...umm..my grandma died this December...not too long ago...about two weeks ago.

Anyways, my deacon thought she should do something, so she did. Brought me dinner. It was nice.

Also, taht is what has made my December horrible, but things seem to be working out just before Christmas!!

it's good. I'm happy my cats are happy...OH!! I got a new cat!
I have named her Mew, and I inherited her from my grandma!! Her and my other cat, Priss, don't get along very well. It's finr though. they'll work it out eventually!!

All is good!!!

I type a journal...
for I am bored
that's something you should know about me...I get bored...easily
It' is very hard to keep friends when you get bored like me...
BUT NOT LATELY!!!
I have soooo many friends I haven't gotten bored of and it makes me proud!!
AND HAPPY!!!!

Soo I type thanking all of them!!!
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!
I'm ToooOOOO LAZY TO TYPE ALL YOUR nAMES!!!!!

And now I type again.

i enjoy screamo music, can you believe it?
I used to think it was jsut annoying and now I LOVE IT!!!
it sounds like a video game when you ignore the screaming!!
awesome no.

I really start getting into the bass rifs and getting into this amazing groove. I start forming oictures in my head. When the screamer is really good and I can understand them I even see what's going on in the song. it's a complete thrill. I think it could also be the slight brain washing of my friends.

So....
I sit...
Is it so bad for a young girl to sit and think?

I feel that if I do nothing somethign bad will happen...
but
if I don't stop to jsut...
think...
then nothing WILL happen
my worst fear...

so nothing must happen...
to prevent nothing from happening?

How confusing...
But
I so enjoy when I get time to sit
and think...

It does me good
I might not think of anything...
well...
important...
but at least I think
that is how one creates...
and destroyes..
how one can remember...
and forget

When I am troubled
plagued by soemthing
I think
and soon
my worries
anxiety
fear
I just flows from me...

And sometimes...
I am one to hide from my emotions...
When I think
It gives me the time to...
welll...
feel.
to take in any situation.

I'm not one for feeling sadness...
but I do know that it is necissary...
you must feel some sort of saddness...
for your spiritual balance.
I'm also not one to feel love...
I'm full of compasion and kindness...
just not love...
well
not so much.
Not to say I don't love...
just
not so much when it comes to people...
I lack certain qualities...
but when I take time...
to sit
think
I can feel these things...

but
this is not to say I'm not expressive person...
I'm incredibly expressive...
I expresse everything!!!
I'm not one to leave you hanging...
just some emotions
I don't have a great grasp on

that's why I think
Thinking keps me in balance with myself...
but
my sister is a bit eremophobic...
she really hates being alone.
So I don't have the time to really sit and think
I have to be alone...
to really grasp things...

this is why I'm typing all this...
this is my thinking...

i think I might be done

I'm tired....

I'm tired of being alone....

Well, sorta. I know I'm not 'alone' alone...

I have awesome friends who love me for what I am and think I'm amazing...but

I want something more....

I want some one who'll love me...

Who'll hold me when depression sinks in...

Who'll spend time with me and not really 'expect' anything...

I want some one I can love...

hold...

cherish...

think of...

I want a little obsession...

but...

I know that if I ever find something like this, I'll say no and push it away...

I want the courage...

the strangth...

the mind...

to say yes and give in...















I reeeeeeeally need a boyfriend... sweatdrop

she feels regretful for she was suppose to go to a going away party and she missed the phone call...

I went to go see TMNT instead...I didn't mean tooooooo!!!!!! i feel soooo bad...Ima horible person...

I might cry...on the inside, because I only cry on the outside when I'm hormonal...I don't even cry when I'm sad...just hormonal... crying

I heart you S(insert her last name here)!!! I'll MISS YOU!!!!BUNCHES!!!!!!!

Just talk to me!!! I will totally talk to any one and every one!!!! I like the whole 'new people' experience. I also like not meeting people. In fact, I'm much more interesting on the computer then I am in the life.

And if you ever see the words 'she'..that would be refering to me....I will use initials for people...or jus say AAAAAARG!!!! Because if I ever refer to some one in my real life, I'm probably saying something complaintive....I do complain alot.

Just not to peoples faces...that would be mean...

I'm also a good listener and I try really hard not to judge people...so I'll take you for who you are and be cool with it. I like every one....I mean every one...I even like the people I hate. I'm also very supportive, unless it involves something harmful to people.

Sooooo....

Love the me!!!